I don't want to take away any more independence or dignity than she's already lost. She lives with me, has aides, but can go to the bathroom, shower, dress, ambulate, etc. all on her own. Lately, though, I've been seeing evidence of poo and/or toilet paper remnants with poo on her shower chair. I've mentioned it once or twice, but she has such memory loss, it doesn't stick.
She flushes, twice, and washes her hands thoroughly, so she's aware, but how do I let her keep her dignity, and get her to keep butt clean? I'm more worried about spreading germs, her getting a UTI, etc. than anything else.
THE BIG QUESTION: how to talk to her about it without embarrassing her.
The calmer you are, the calmer the incontinent person will be. The more anxious you are, the more anxious they will be. Everyone is different, but my experience is that a check during the day every four hours or so works well (less time is usually a waste of your time, because nothing happens). However, check out what times work best. If you go to "Books" and "incontinence" on www.amazon.com you will find some books with advice there. They will certainly recommend that you keep a daily chart about what happens when, because then in about two weeks time you will have a pretty good picture of when to be proactive. I also find now, at this late stage, that waking her up in the middle of the night (after midnight, when I have woken up briefly already) works well, and means that in the morning things are much easier to sort out.
All the best and prayers.