Mom is 93. I live with her and the male caregiver lives with her full time. 3 million dollar home, pool, his own bedroom, works 9 to 5 when he is here. Will not chip in for food, cable, gas, nothing. Double dips mraning mom lets him go work other jobd when he is suppose to be hete mon threw fridays 9 to 5. Most nights sleeps over girlfriend. Does. basically nothing and she loves him and turning against my sister and I. Writing on the wall, he is using my mom.she showers herself, dresses herself and he does nothing but live like a king, she pays him 400 a week and he pays no rent. How do we convince her to let him go. She had a head injury so she forgets alot. This leech is bad news. Please help
Most caregivers here would give their right arm to have this guy around.
Don't fire him. Observe how he interacts with mom. Does she smile in his care? Oh, man when I am her age I would love to have a pool boy.
I would probably keep him and fire the daughter. Sorry, just being honest.
Jolene Brackery writes in Creating Moments of Joy:
New found Response to "I want to go home"
"When they ask to go home, they might be asking permission to leave
this world. It should be OK to go home ..."
"It is more difficult for a person with dementia to "go home"
Maybe your LO is using different words to asking permission to leave
this world?
Are you ready and able to grant LO permission?
I have worked for businesses that leased employees to companies
What would you suggested for caregiver employees
Would it cost less than hiring a agency to supply caregivers?
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What exactly is he stating that makes you feel like he does nothing?
I have heard this line time and time again, where the mother or father is competent, and the reality is we (as adult children and caregivers), feel we know what is best for them.
I am just saying think about all of what has gone on. I will state that for 24 7 caregiver, first off, to the most magnificent person, that is very little money, and I would doubt that a person could support themselves on that.
Second, it is very unrealistic, unless he does have very little responsibilities to expect someone there 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.
What kind of care does your mom need? I would say right now, if there is nothing illegal and it is just a matter of "our mother isn't in her right mind and is doing all this "crazy" or what appears to be crazy things.
Stop, slow down, realize that (and I believe you do) your mother maybe wants this kind of situation, and who is anyone to dictate to her the rea;otoes of what she really need and wants.
It is very hard to be a son/daughter/or a hired care giver, with all the great remarks in the world, to sit here and let you mother make decisions, when you believe, or this is what I am hearing from your posts, that the reality is, if she is not incompetent, she does have the right to make up her own mind, etc.
She is your mother, love her. You do not need to love her actions, but unless you have solid proof, that this gentlemen is not doing things correctly, really is is about "blood is thicker than water".
I wish you all the luck, as I am a paid caregiver and have been for 9 years. My mother fell ill to Alzheimer's Disease. The families that I walk in the door, and they want this this this, and that, sometimes, (I), we have to realize that in your case, this is making you mother happy?
Try not to ruin the relationship with her. You sound like a son that cares, and loves.
I admire you for writing, and really trying to get this functionally solved
No, please don't think you can have your perfectly lucid mother be declared insane so you can take over her affairs. Keep your eye on her checkbook and assets to make sure he's not convincing her to give him extra money, but otherwise, let her make her own decisions. Just because you don't agree with them doesn't mean they're wrong. Try to find a caregiver who only works for $400 a week - you get what you pay for!
TIME = TRUST = LOVE
ANY / All time spent with your Mom will one day be treasured. I know some Mom's can be difficult to deal with but do it anyway so your memories are positive ones instead of regrets and what ifs.
You still have time to make some good memories !! Do it, you won't regret it
PS: If you are living with your Mom, why does she need a caregiver (male or
female) if she can dress, feed and shower herself?
TIME = TRUST = LOVE
PS : if you are living with your Mom, why is caregiver (male or female) needed if she can dress, feed and shower herself?
TIME = TRUST = LOVE
PS : if you are living with your Mom, why is caregiver (male or female) needed if she can dress, feed and shower herself?
Do you have power of attorney? It may be time to get her into assisted living whether she likes it or not. We need to stop worrying about our parent's feelings especially if they're so demented they don't understand what's going on. I'm sorry, but I'm tired of the whole thing.
Also, how is her will written up? She may have left him a lot of money in that, too, if she's treating him like this. And when she passes, if he's still there, he may be able to contest the will, suggesting that she treated him so well, that he deserves more. He's definitely taking advantage of her. But for some reason, she 'needs' him.
How old is this guy? Is there any chance that at some point she may have had some sort of personal relationship with him?
Then tell mom he quit.
And I wouldn't give him a two week notice.
I'm assuming that with your mom's money, she has an attorney?
Do you think getting paid $400/ week is really "living like a king"?
Unless he is supposed to be there 24/7, the hours that he is not working are his own & he can do whatever he wants to do on those hours.
It sounds like this guy is not a "caregiver", but a companion. Those are 2 totally different things. If your mom can bathe herself, dress herself, etc., then he is probably there to keep her company.
Why don't you keep her company so that she wouldn't need to pay someone $400 for that?
I am not siding with the Caregiver... just giving food for thought.
It sounds like she is caretaking him, as they have some sort of bond. Why don't you get a great girl to come in when he is not there and show her what care is?
If this gives your mother pleasure, and she can afford it, what is the problem?
Hmmm. What does "turning against my sister and I" mean? Is he actively trying to turn her against you, or is she mad about your efforts to "get rid of" something she likes?
You are right to be cautious of someone who lives in your mother's house. You have her best interests at heart, which is more than we know about him. But, and this is a huge but, if she is considered legally competent she can make her own decisions, even foolish ones. Keep an eye on the situation, but try not to alienate your mother as you do so. Your relationship with her is probably more valuable than the room and board he is getting.
Some posters are suggesting you fire the guy and change the locks. I think they are assuming that you have more authority over the situation than you really do. POA gives you the authority to handle your mother's affairs at her direction. If she doesn't direct you to fire him, I'm afraid doing so will stir up even more ill-will. She could, you know, appoint him to be POA. Yikes!
I can see how uncomfortable this situation is for you, and I don't blame you. But I caution you to keep an eye on the situation but not to overstep your authority. If Mom is truly incompetent, consider guardianship. Otherwise, keep in mind that with luck you will be 93 some day -- how much interference will you want in your personal decisions?
your relationship with your mother, a work of forgiveness and apologies than to get rid of the caregiver. You didn't get to this point overnight with your mom, so it won't change overnight, but you can begin. It will take hard work, but be oh so worth it. Your mother won't be here forever. I challenge you to do whatever it takes to turn things around. You won't regret it and when she passes there won't be the regrets, the guilt, the anger.....but instead .....a peace, a joy.....that you tried.....and did the best you could to be at peace with your mother. This has the potential of affecting all your other relationships in a most positive manner and is sooo worth the effort. Get others to pray you through. God WILL help you all. Be encouraged. Many are in the same spot, but you have a window opportunity to turn things around that not all get. cadams