My mom is diagnosed with dementia. She keeps losing her ID card. It is a Real ID and it requires her going down to the DMVto get fingerprinted every time she needs a replacement. Since she can’t do that herself it is a pain to take her.
I took it away from her to keep it safe except for when she really needs it and then she asks for it. That has sort of worked for a year but now she doesn’t want to give it back to me.
I know she will eventually lose it again and there is really no reason for her to have it with her all the time. She just wants it because she feels it gives her some control.
I thought of making a copy of it and laminating it and giving that to her but the card stock is different and she would know that. She can’t get multiple IDs either. I asked. I guess she could get a passport and I could keep that but that seems drastic and then she will probably want to hold onto that, too.
What other ideas have you thought of to deal with a person with dementia who keeps losing IDs yet demands to have the original?
See if DMV has the ability to do a virtual one. If so print that off and laminate. Tell Mom thats how they do it now. I don't see why you can't claim it lost and they just reissue. Have you tried doing it on the DMV site?
It's important to know that this loss of ID is actually very dangerous in terms of someone using your Mom's identity, so I hope that her credit accounts are locked down with Experian, Transunion, etc.
In your case, I would try the copy method first; the dementia may render her less observant than you are anticipating. Second, I would try the delay and distract method next; when she asks/demands the ID, I would give some reason I couldn't get it right now and state I would get it later. Even if she accepts the delay, you will probably have to repeat it a few times - with dementia repeating requests and getting fixated on some topic is common. I'm stubborn enough to frankly decline to give the ID to her after getting it replaced a couple of times but some people do not view this as one of my better traits so I hesitate to recommend it.
Good luck finding a solution that works with your Mom.
If you really must give her something to keep her happy make up something and laminate it and then tell her that's how the new version of the ID looks. Tell her the DMV is cost cutting.
But also... when you say she keeps losing it - how often is "keeps"? I understand the nuisance of taking her to get a replacement but I'd actually be more worried about data security if it does happen regularly. Also, how quickly do you find out when it does get lost, or is she able to cancel it herself if that happens?
"mom, can you give it to me? thanks. we need to get X document sorted out, i'll help you, it involves showing your original ID. i'll give it back to you after."
then don't give it back.
another little lie...
"X document is still being sorted out. they're still hanging on to your ID."