My 92 year old mother is in assisted living. She has congestive heart failure and is on oxygen 24/7. She needs a walker for mobility and can walk only extremely short distances because she says she is worn out. She has become more and more reluctant to leave her apartment for meals and activities. She prefers to live on sweets an orders them in for herself. I try to get her out for lunch or other outings, but it is becoming more and more difficult. Being a small person, I have a very difficult time getting her into my car, buckled up in a seat belt, and oxygen and purses arranged. She complains of discomfort when she is trying to get into the car. Her shoulders are so arthritic that she needs very careful assistance in putting her coat on. When she goes to a restaurant, she must go to the bathroom 2 to 3 times during the meal. I need to go with her to the bathroom, over her objection, because she always goes in the wrong direction. She has also had instances in which she has locked herself in bathroom stalls. Fortunately, I have been able to work the locks for her so far. People are not always very nice about making room for her to get by. I suggested that she have a scooter, but she objects. I know that outside stimulation is good for her. However, I am beginning to think it is becoming too difficult for her. I took her out to a nice place for brunch today and paid valets triple what I would normally because of all they went through to get her walker, oxygen, gear and body into the car comfortably. I am beginning to think they will not want us to return.
It will not solve the needing to use the toilet, but will help with part of the problem.
Does your mother enjoy the outings, or are they getting to be too much for her? If it is too much, can you arrange to dine in with her at her AL?
When you do go out a transport wheelchair is a good idea and hiring wheelchair transportation is even better. If she is going to the bathroom so often it might be because she is afraid of having an accident, making sure she wears an incontinence brief when going out might allow her to cut back on that problem, also you should choose places that have single handicapped/family bathrooms available.
When Mom's health failed further she went to a nursing home. She was absolutely thrilled that she could resume her weekly hair appointments -- without even getting a coat on, let alone the ordeal of getting into a car. The hairdresser came to her room and wheeled her to the beauty parlor. And a couple times a month the NH brought in fast-food for those who wanted their french fry fix without leaving the building. They also had outings to restaurants, but my mother did not want to participate in that. She loved bingo and the live entertainment available right in her building.
So it wasn't really that Mom no longer liked the experiences of outings ... she just didn't want to have to go out for them! The only NH outing she went on was the monthly trip to Walmart, in a van she could be wheeled into without getting out of her chair. (Getting in and out of transportation is a bigger deal than many realize.)
The only time in 2 1/2 years that family took her out of the NH was to her sister's 100th birthday celebration. We hired a medi van for that occasion.
TwoWorlds, for your 92-yo mother, I'd drop the outings altogether, unless she mentions wanting to do something in particular. I think maybe I'd try getting her out of her apartment a little more. Maybe have lunch with her in the dining room. Attend some activity with her. Walk her around the inside of the building in her wheelchair, looking at pictures and plants, etc. In good weather, walk her in her wheelchair outside, if she agrees to that. Give her a little change of scenery once in a while, but also respect her desire to stay where she is. Once in a while bring in a favorite meal -- White Castles, Chinese take-out, pizza, whatever. Or a favorite home-cooked meal if you are up to it. Bring a nice tablecloth. And, of course, a nice dessert.
I think Carla is right that things might be seen from a different perspective as we age, and as we have infirmities. Maybe if you are 60 and you have to drag an oxygen tank around you still want to be active and do "normal" activities. Maybe at 90 the activities don't seem worth dragging the oxygen tank around for. Maybe "normal" becomes home-sweet-home.
(My birthday is tomorrow and I've been thinking about how different I feel about some things at 73 than I did at 63. I imagine by 93 the changes will be greater still.)
For nutrition? One meal isn't going to make a difference. Can her meals be brought to her room for an extra charge? Is it time for a wheelchair, and assistance given getting her to the DR? Is it time for a NH?
It's possible, but like others here, I would ask yourself why you're doing this. Does Mom want to go out, or is this because you feel she should go out? My mom would claim she wanted to go somewhere, so I'd get up early, get myself together, make sure the NH knew the night before that I was picking her up in the morning to take her out so she'd be ready, etc - and I'd arrive only to find Mom laying in bed, sound asleep, having changed her mind at the last minute. This happened repeatedly over the last year of her life, but I never stopped trying to get her out and about - if she said she wanted to go, I made the effort, even if she changed her mind at the last minute. I knew that at least I had done my part, even if it was frustrating to have to change my schedule to accommodate her wishes, only to have to change it again when she changed her mind.
I guess I'd base my decisions on how your mom feels. Is this something she's really wanting to do, or are you having to push her to get out and about?