I help take care of my mother and have hired a caretaker. I'm in my late 30s, mother in late 70s. I moved her in to my home, the caretaker is there while I am at work during the day. Mother has dementia, kidney disease, and thyroid problems, so she always feels cold even in direct summer sun and being active for her age. She isn't very advanced into dementia but she can no longer drive and gets lost, and often forgets things she has left cooking in the kitchen. Aside from that though, she also refuses to keep the A/C on during the summer. We live in South Texas, it has been in the 90s lately with lows at night in the 70s.
We have a smart thermostat that can be controlled by the box on the wall and by apps on our phones. I have tried turning on heat/cold limits to make sure the house doesn't get too hot or cold, but all it does is alert us when it gets too hot or cold (it has never gotten too cold, it alerts us daily that it is too hot) instead of automatically turning the A/C on or off. I am certainly uncomfortable in the heat and do try to keep the A/C on, but unfortunately mother knows how to not only use the app on her phone but also how to redownload it when it gets deleted. Even if I did get rid of the app on her phone completely, she also knows how to turn the A/C off using the wall box.
I have no idea how to stop her from turning it off. On the rare occasions she's alone at home, she will often turn the A/C off and let the house get to the upper 80s, even if I turn it on through my app right after she will go right back and turn it off. I have tried locking the temperatures when the A/C is on, but the lock does not prevent someone from turning it completely off, which is what mother is doing. Sometimes I am too busy at work or I'm asleep and she will turn the A/C off and I won't notice for an hour or two, sometimes all night and the house will get very hot.
Has anyone successfully done anything that ensures the house stays at a comfortable temperature? Is there a specific brand of smart thermostat that can be used on phones but not on the wall box, so I could potentially replace the system and just not give her access to the app and let her think the box is doing something (a dummy box of some kind?). I'm very worried with how hot Texas gets that one day she's going to let the house get to 90+ degrees if I don't catch her turning it off, but even then it's a constant chore to monitor if the A/C is on, especially when I'm at work. The caretaker has tried to combat this as well, since I can imagine working while it's hot in the house would be incredibly uncomfortable, but again mother will slip away just to turn the A/C off. Any help or advice is appreciated.
I'd remove the App off her phone, or just remove her phone. Make it crystal clear if the lockbox is tampered with, she loses her phone....or gets placed in a facility. She can put on warmer clothes if she's cold!
Your mom can put on layers of clothing if she's that cold.
There's NO reason that you and the rest of your family should suffer heat stroke because your mom is too cold.
She's in YOUR house, so she gets to put on fleece sweat pants and shirts, and throw on an extra blanket if she's cold.
I live in NC and it's always very hot here in the summer and when my late husband was alive, he too was very cold natured. But guess what? I didn't turn my air-conditioning down ever; no, he just wore sweat pants and his hoodies and covered up with an extra blanket.
I was not about to sweat to death in my own home when it was much easier for my husband to bundle up if he was cold.
So quite worrying about your darn smart app and just lay the law down with your mom about how things will be going forward. And you tell her that if she keeps messing with the app on her phone that you'll be taking her phone away. Period. End of sentence.
Your Moms tyroid is why she feels the cold. Thyroid had something to do with body temps. Get her some nice warm sweaters, sweatshirts. Maybe she should wear winter clothing.
If she persists then you need to nicely tell her she needs to live elsewhere where she can have total control of the ambient temperature.
We made sure my Dad had blankets to help when he was chilly. T/C
(I bet there is, there is a parental control for almost everything)
I think it does not matter how active your mom is as people age the circulation changes and the body does what it can to keep the "core' temperature the way it want it. So that generally means that fingers, hands, toes, fee will feel cold.
As crazy as it sounds a cure hat or cap for mom to wear will keep her feeling warmer. Socks on her feet will help. And Polar Fleece tops and pants. The Polar Fleece is more breathable and it will not make her overly hot.
So if she feels warmer you can keep the AC where it is comfortable for you and others in the house.
The good news is that this too shall pass as she declines. I think the toilet paper fascination followed for DH aunt.
One of the ideas I had decided would be my next thing to try was placing a new thermostat in a place not known to DH aunt. I was going to leave the existing thermostat where it was and let her adjust it all she wanted. She didn’t like the noise of the AC either, each time she would pass the thermostat she would turn it off. It was a habit. She would also turn it on full blast when she was hot. The idea of a constant temp was not something she could embrace. I think it was a longtime habit. She also has thyroid issues. Be sure to keep her tested to make sure she is on the correct dosage. It makes a difference. Also hydration is important and sometimes difficult. Aunt liked to sit outside and she would get heat rash under her boobs. I introduced the small bottles of water to her about this time and we would each chug one. There were a whole group of issues around getting too cold in the house, too hot outside.
It takes a long time to cool the house down after it gets up to the 80s/90s.
Even though smart phones are essential for aging elders to keep a level of independence, this might be the time for her to “lose” her phone and maybe get a dumbed down version. One of the independent repair places might know how to disable her existing phone from downloading apps. she sounds pretty sharp. Dh aunt was in her late 80s when we went through this. Your mom could live a long time and sadly, it won’t get easier to control her activities until she becomes immobile which brings another group of issues. She is 97 now in a NH and the temp holds no interest for her now but the thyroid still has to be monitored for her to stay comfortable.
I am sorry. Take care of yourself and welcome to the forum.
this link is to other posts looking for help with the thermostat.
https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=Thermostat
In common area, put her chair in area that gets no direct AC from vent. Order deflector for ceiling vent to send air into room opposite from where she sits. In winter, you can change direction of warm air to blow directly on her.
Keep blankets near her chair...long sleeves on her arms all the time.
I've been cold all my life...even in Texas heat and humidity...this is how I manage it when I visit others or if I have to make home cooler when others visit me
The Mother may be trying to control the home temperature but the issue is how she perceives her own body's temperature messages.. And/or many people really dislike the sensation of blowing/moving air.
This happens to me too. Everyone else is ok but I can feel chilled. I also dislike a breeze (unless a very hot day). I will wear a woolly or fleece hat in winter (even inside). Keeping the head warm really helps me. In summer I wear a very thin scarf as a shawl in restaurants to block the aircon stream.
Maybe I should add a regency era lace bonnet indoors for summer..😜