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OMG I never get any sleep anymore. She sleeps all day and is awake most of the night. Her PCP took her off sleeping pills so I got some OTC sleeping aids. It helps a bit but not much. I cannot get her to stay awake during the day at all. At night she wanders and gets into things and when I wake up there is crap all over the place. What can I do to make this situation more tolerable? She gets mad at me if I go to bed early and keeps complaining about it. I am at wits end.

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Don't let Mom sleep during the day. Turn the TV up loud, play loud music, run the vaccum, bang around, slam doors, make some NOISE!

When she tries to sneak off for a nap, catch her and say, "NO NAPS, or you stay up all night!" Make her get back up, and come help you do something...fold laundry, dust, do some dishes, help organize cabinets, maybe even bake some cookies....hang her clothes up, fresh towels up, put the wet clothes in the dryer, pull weeds, sweep the deck, anything you'd have an 8 year old do.

Basically wear her out all day! Insist on doing puzzles, coloring books, board games, play with cards, checkers....Soon as she ends one thing, have another ready! Reverse the roles...YOU become the repeating, nagging pest to HER all day....make her day exhausting in any way possible.

I do this to my Ex all day, every day. Otherwise he'll sit and watch TV while nodding out for hours all day. When I try to go to bed at 11pm, he wants to sit up and watch TV (loudly) until 2-3am. Every time I see his eyes closed watching TV, I grab the remote, change the channel, and he wakes right up! I have him take out trash, water my flowers out back, gather his dirty laundry, go check the mail, or go tidy his room. I make him dress and go grocery shopping with me, push the cart, load and unload the groceries. I make him get up and ride along if I go to the bank, or get gas.

It's working, since he has finally started HATING being here. No spoiling, no babying, no treats if he doesn't cooperate. I'm now a total nag, Drill Sgt. and can be a mean b***h. No qualms about that! He taught me 40 years ago, "He who pays RUNS THE SHOW." I say that famous quote of his every time the lazy routine starts. I was too nice at first, which backfired. I had to get FIRM.

He sleeps hard all night, except for getting up to pee. He tends to dodge me now, dreading having another task/chore being given! My blood pressure has gone down from 160 to 104. My Doctor loves it.
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Reply to Dawn88
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Roger, it sounds like you're trying to do all this on your own.
I expect you're in the US and I don't know how things work there, but can you get in touch with adult social services and ask for help?
At the moment, it looks like your mum isn't in need - because you are there. But you can't stay there and outside agencies need to be involved.
I'm writing this after you would have had the appt. with your mum's doctor, but in the UK the GP often has good advice about where to go next. So, call social services and speak with the doctor.

The care homes saying that your mum is a liability is not putting your mum's health and safety first. There must be some facility that would be equipped to deal with your mum's needs.
And you need to go home!
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Reply to MiaMoor
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This is the research I found:

"There are also other parts of the brain which control whether or not we stay awake, and these may also not work properly if they become damaged. Sometimes a person with dementia might completely reverse their normal sleep pattern, staying up all night and then sleeping all day."
Jan 29, 2024

"They may become restless or agitated in the late afternoon or early evening, an experience often called “sundowning.” Experts estimate that in late stages of Alzheimer's, individuals spend about 40 percent of their time in bed at night awake and a significant part of their daytime sleeping."

Read this:
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/sleep

Should you let a dementia patient sleep all day?

"It can be hard to stay awake during the day after a poor night's sleep but, if possible, it's best to try to limit sleep during the day to small bursts or 'catnaps'. Otherwise the person's body clock can become very confused and this makes sleeping well during the night even harder."
Jan 29, 2024

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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Rogerwyatt7890: She needs to see her physician. It is imperative that you get restorative sleep. You'll be good to no one without it.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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2 ways of adjusting her sleep patterns, gentle or quick
Gentle - make her go to bed a little earlier every day and stay up a little longer during the day. Requires that she get stimulation - activities, walks, listen to music, watch movies, hobbies... Eventually, she will be on a schedule that is more manageable.
Quick - set firm times for rest and wake periods. Make sure she does not sleep during a "wake" period by any means necessary. In about 3 days or so, she will adjust to the new schedule. Please note that she - and maybe you - will not be as pleasant to be with during this transition period.
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Reply to Taarna
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Dementia is an illness and some of its symptoms can be very difficult to cope with. It may be worth talking to your doctor about other methods of managing sleep and wakefulness that may be more effective. It's important to create a consistent day-night routine, including regular sleep and wake times and activities throughout the day, which can help reduce anxiety and support healthier sleep.
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Reply to RigoboMaldo
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Adult daycare or hire an aide at night until you can get Mom placed in memory care . If you hired an aide at night maybe you could go home to sleep if you live close by . If not , get good ear plugs . I hope Mom has money for this . You shouldn’t use your money . Good luck getting her placed . I don’t see any other permanent viable solution . You need to get back to your own family .
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Reply to waytomisery
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KNance72 Apr 11, 2024
Flents ear Plugs are excellent
(3)
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Adult Day Care, she needs day time stimulation and be with people her own age. Isolation causes may issues with the elderly.
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Reply to MeDolly
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Just wanted to say I feel for all of you that have gone through this. Caregiving is so hard then to do this on such little sleep.

Makes me feel a little guilty for complaining about taking care of my mom daily but not 24/7

I'm honestly not a religious person, but want to say God bless all us wonderful people that care so much.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Yes a caregivers night sleep is important. But so is Mother's safety.

Mother's PCP discontinued her sleeping medication - yet you are medicating your Mother with OTC medications?

Go back to the PCP.
Tell the PCP you are not coping.
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Reply to Beatty
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 16, 2024
I would not say medicating her. I just gave her one unisom the other night to help take the edge off and it did not do much good. They are over the counter so are not very strong. I'm not sure why the doctor took her off the sleeping pills. We see her next week to discuss this.
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Physical exercise if there's something she can and will do. If she's wandering and pulling things out all night, you may have to place her. That isn't safe for her. No telling what they can get into when unsupervised.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I don't know what you've got going on during the day but we had my 100-yr old Aunt with advanced dementia doing "tasks" to burn mental and physical energy. It helped her sleep better at night for many years, and then eventually that changed.

- portable (tabletop) pedaler. She did it with her feet while watching tv. 20 min.
- folding a large stack of kitchen towels (dedicated towels just for this purpose)
- sorting poker chips by color
- reading to us out loud
- walking her around the house
- playing any card or board games, her rules

She was being given Tylenol PM and it didn't work all the time and eventually wasn't working at all. After starting the tasks she slept great and we stopped the Tylenol PM. She had memory deficit so we'd have her fold the same towels 2x a day. She also watched Pixar and DreamWorks animated movies with the captions on and read the entire movie to herself. I hope you can find something that works!
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Reply to Geaton777
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Ksef2454 Apr 11, 2024
I’m in the same position with my husband. I’m going to do these things to make him stay awake during the day. I’m at my whits end. I’m very tired.
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This is such a common problem among elderly people. My mom slept in her recliner for a good portion of the day.

My mother went to bed at a decent hour but she had nightmares that would awaken her.

There was a time when she was wondering at night. The doctor prescribed Ativan and Seroquel and the wondering stopped.

Have you discussed other medications besides sleeping pills with her doctor?

Also, look at side effects of any medication that she is taking. My brother had to take certain medications for health issues. One of the side effects was not being able to sleep.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Is there an Adult Day Program near you that she can get involved with?
Getting her busy and engaged during the day may help with her getting to sleep at night.

A side note if the OTC sleep aids contain Benadryl they can make an already "foggy" brain more foggy. And they can also make her a fall risk.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Roger, I thought you were leaving? How did I get that wrong?
Sleep disturbance is one of the most normal things about aging and aging with dementia. I doubt there's a whole lot you can do about it.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 10, 2024
I'm working on leaving but the few leads I had fell through and one of the decisions was that she wanders at night and some places will not take her because of liability issues. Still working on in home care at the moment.
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Just curious Roger, does your mom have any liver issues? People with liver problems often get there days and nights mix up
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 10, 2024
No liver issues and in fact she is pretty healthy besides her dementia.
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