My older relative has been in full care for more than a year. He is always happy to see me and knows who I am. He also remembers other relatives. I have been told by other family members that he forgets about our visits moments after we leave and that there is no need for me to feel guilty for not visiting more frequently. He has never said so himself, but I still find it difficult to not be there more often. I have seen him before he knows I am there and he always looks as if he is okay and not lonely, but after a visit he never wants me to leave. It is very sad.
Is this common?
But she was cultured, dignified and above all, as I said, gracious, and she would never have let on for a moment that she no longer remembered these dear friends who loved her so deeply. They would have been devastated hsd they known! So we smiled and served soda and cookies and chatted them up like the old, dear friends they'd been, right up to the end. It's what she would have wanted.
What else would you do? What else can you do,? It's how she wanted it. It was how she ruled her benevolent kingdom, and we who served her loved her for it and were her willing subjects.
There is a lesson for all of us in your experience. Thank you for sharing.
I read on this forum that guilt is for people who are doing something wrong. Lose the guilt. You are doing great.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
Yesterday is gone, we are not promised tomorrow, all we have is today. To me as it relates to your LO you should just enjoy the visits you have and not worry about others opinions.
I wonder if he would still know you if you stopped visiting? I think the frequent visits helps them to hang onto names and faces. It seems that way to me with my aunt. Don’t worry if you can’t go more often but enjoy the times you do. The happy feelings he has to be with you are good for his spirit and you will feel better for having visited him.
Whether or not she remembers anything about each visit means very little to me.
She continues to react with her typical snappy, sarcastic sense of humor, and I give it right back, and I know, in that moment, that we’re BOTH BENEFITING from our interaction.
Part of the tragedy of dementia is that each victim reacts in a slightly different way, depending on his or her original personality and emotional state and how they have adjusted and are reacting to current circumstances.
Guilt about going often enough for visits most likely benefits neither the visitor nor the person being visited.
I have the good fortune to be physically near enough to run in for brief visits often during the week. I sometimes notice some vague suggestions that some things still seem to linger in my LO’s thoughts, whether as real memories or not. When they are enough to keep conversation going, I’m happy about them.
When not, I think of something else to chat about and go with that.
The one certain thing is that love shared between us is definitely real. She always tells me to “Come Again!”.
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