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Middle income, thrifty, I am now 80 and my husband is 82. He has traumatic brain injury from a bicycle accident. First few years, he was like his old self, reading, following news, walked with difficulty but we took walks together. Two years ago, he lost all sense of time, can't tell day from night, hides food and binge eats. MD says he, once an academic, now has cognition of a typical person his age. No help with dementia diagnosis there. He has become really mean at times. It can hit all at once after a few days of my placating him. He demands I get up middle of the night and make breakfast. Pouts if he doesn't like the food, or I get behind on laundry. He is really scary at times. I find myself hiding a hammer or kitchen knife fearing he might grab it. Or find myself trying to have an escape route out a window if necessary. This is sick thinking. We have too many assets for Medicaid, but only enough for two-three years for him to be in a care facility. I am not looking for a way out of caring for him. But he does frighten me. I would live in a buffet apartment in a poor area, truly, to find some peace which is all I could afford on Social Security.

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My heart aches for you.

But you are being realistic and that is GREAT.

Thinking that someone who hasn't been aggressive could suddenly switch gears and become a threat to you is all too real.

MY MIL, feeble as she is, can still deliver a stinging slap. I worried about DH being with her and her taking a knife or scissors to him.

Please do call an atty. You probably have many options you just don't know about.

Good Luck!
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You need the advice of an expert.
That means an ATTORNEY.
You need all options for division of assets so as to protect your own assets for your own future care.
Do please see an attorney for options moving forward.
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Thank you. Yes, I am the primary. I our large family, the adult children are concerned, live distances away, and, frankly, like that space from this situation. Sensible suggestion. Lawyer. Will call Monday.
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Born,

I can’t imagine how difficult this situation must be for you. I’m so sorry that you have had to endure this experience.

Are you his primary caregiver? Do you have any other help? Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area for a needs assessment?

I don’t think your feelings are “sick” as you describe. As a matter of fact, I think that you are being realistic and taking precautions.

Why don’t you make an appointment with an elder lawyer to discuss your concerns?

You are in the midst of an emotionally draining situation. An objective opinion from a professional perspective will place your mind at ease about your future. The two of you can discuss solutions.

If at any point in time you feel like you are in danger, please call 911.

Wishing you the very best.
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