I have an elderly mom (85) who has needed more support in this past year. After two disasters last year (pipes freezing and collapsing the ceiling along with squirrels chewing an ac drain line and collapsing the ceiling in another place) I moved in with my mom to help her for a few months. I left my child and husband in another city to provide this help. My sister lives very close to my Mom but provided zero assistance. She visited my mom perhaps twice on the last few years. After two disasters last year at my moms home (pipes freezing and collapsing the ceiling along with squirrels chewing an ac drain line and collapsing the ceiling in another place) I moved in with my mom to help her with the home repairs and to give her emotional support. I left my child and husband in another city to provide this help. My sister lives very close to my Mom but provided zero assistance. She has only visited perhaps 2-4 times on the past several years prior to my calling aps. After months of living with my Mom and doing everything in my power to help her I am now divorced, and living back in my home city to be near my child. I help my mom as I can now from 3 hours away by calling frequently, ordering her groceries online and helping her with any questions she has.
Despite months of pleading with my sister to help me, I ultimately had to call APS to get my sister (a RN & an alcoholic with a life long psychotic rage against me) involved in helping my Mom. Now that she is helping my mom by visiting more frequently she is accusing me of financially exploiting my mom, accusing me of insurance fraud, and threatening my professional license & my boyfriend’s professional license. He was kind enough to help me with work on my moms home.
I feel exhausted, broken and find myself crying frequently.
So much money went from my moms account to mine and then I paid for expenses for my mom out of my account. In addition- full disclosure- due to my getting a divorce my mom did give me some money to help me get back on my feet due to my divorce. I **never** stole any money or added myself to my mom’s financial accounts. My mom transferred money from her account to mine. In retrospect I realize I never should have allowed her to give me this money. I’m unsure now how to protect myself and protect my mom from my sister.
it’s horrible when a sibling provides no assistance and only criticism from the comfort of their armchairs.
I would attend an elder law attorney now, you and your boyfriend, and take all accounts and transactions with you. If there was transferring of money from Mom to you without accounting for it say for repairs and labor costs and materials, then there could be accusations that Mom was "gifting" to you. This can have serious repercussions in any medicaid (if needed) lookback should Mom need to apply for help.
Money and elders is indeed a serious business which needs meticulous record keeping,so do attend an elder law attorney for an hour with all your records, transactions, receipts, costs, transfers of funds, and etc. and with your questions.
We can't get I think any clear idea of what happened here with money and with costs, so do take your own records to a lawyer. With a Sister threatening suit you need to have your ducks lined into a row.
Wishing you good luck.