Reasoning like "I don't like being talked to like that" and "if you keep talking like that, I will leave" has not been helpful. sometimes it works but mostly not. The caregiving job still needs to be done, and the caregivers are struggling to not take it personally. I've had a few caregivers walk out stating "I can't be talked to like that".... Okay well you're going to have a lot of people like this over your caregiving career so you might as well learn to deal with it!
I don't think my mom can help it entirely. Is it right? No. Is it okay? No. But she's a totally disabled alcoholic with stroke related vascular dementia. I don't think she understands exactly how her yelling and cussing is affecting people. And 5 mins later my mom is acting like she was never mad at all and is chatting with you about mundane topics. She's just a patient who is 0 to 100 to 0 again.
How can I help my mom's caregivers understand and redirect her behavior?
My really wonderful LO had a vulgar two word phrase that she said (very) often, and her dear caregivers at the wonderful AL where she was living totally ignored her when she said it.
I had NO HESITATION telling potential caregivers about her vocabulary, and with preparation, I never lost anyone.
I always started by saying that she’d been a vice president in a bank, but that her advanced dementia had caused her to lose her ability to control what she was saying.
And just a thought- If the people you’re interviewing as aides don’t KNOW that, I’d be suspicious about their training.
Hope it’s not too burdensome for you.
you can't help the caregivers understand or forgive...
if your mother crosses someone's line, so be it. they have a line, beyond which they won't tolerate.
Experienced caregivers should know this comes w the territory and be able to deal with the outbursts. Or find another job, sorry.
Caregivers have feelings too, they have a job that I would never ever take on and when you add dealing with a nasty person to list of what the job entails that maybe over the top.
Your mother being an alcoholic is most likely a dry drunk along with dementia, she brought on the alcoholic thing to herself, possibly the stroke as well.
Caregivers have a choice they do not have to take the abuse, they don't get paid enough to be subjected to your mother's tirades. I wouldn't either.
Honestly, there is no answer to your problem, just hope that you can find someone who will tolerate this behavior.
I would
And,
PLEASE DO READ
CONTACT:
Teepa Snow - the country's leading expert on dementia. She has many educational tools. I studied w/her (on-line webinars) for 1-1/2 years. She'll have You Tubes or classes/courses on "difficult (angry) people".
It is best to discuss with managers at caregiving agencies.
While many caregivers are 'used to this' (God, I was and it was hard) - the managers know their employees - and the best to handle these pesonalities / dementia inflicted who act out like this.
Yes. Some will leave. I likely wouldn't hire independently. Get people already screened through an agency.
Gena / Touch Matters
Maybe you could use a health resort stay where YOU are the focus.
You are important, too.