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It was quite a struggle but managed to get my sister into interim assisted living. Life w/her abusive ex kept landing her in hospital & rehab. We’re not local & hope to eventually re-locate her to our home state. Meanwhile ex has to surrender the car that’s in her name & someone(s) need to get some of her possessions out of there “shared” residence. There’s a loan on the car. Could we hire a “security team”? He’s a dangerous wild card. Social services had told my sister not to talk to him but she’s clearly not grasping that advice. Gratefully the assisted living is not letting him in. Trying to avoid unnecessary cross country trips. Any suggestions? Some have suggested hiring off duty local police officers. But we don’t want to interact at all w/the ex. They are both on the lease.

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I also forgot to mention the lease. To me, this is more problematic than the car.

AFTER you arrange to get what you need from her apartment, then either you - or sister, if she is able - need to call the landlord and tell that person or entity that sister is NO LONGER going to reside in the apartment and wants to be removed immediately from the lease. (I say *after* you've gotten her possessions out, because if you do it before then, legally she will have no more rights to enter the apartment.) That sister will be willing to pay her share of the rent for the remainder of the term of the lease upfront. Follow this up in writing and send that "return receipt requested".

When you go into the apartment to get her stuff, take pictures of everything. Take pictures of the condition of the rooms, take pictures of the stuff you're removing BEFORE you remove it. That way, when the lease is over, your sister won't be responsible for damage ex incurs after she leaves. You might have to front her some money to be able to do this, and I don't know if that's something you can do. But for as long as she's on the lease, she's responsible for half of that place, whether or not she lives there anymore. Pictures are important here. They will prove her case and disprove any lies he tells later on.
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Geaton777 Oct 2023
If the sister's name is on the lease, she is probably liable to pay it. It may be worth contacting a Renter's Rights organization for her state, or a domestic abuse hotline.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-get-out-of-a-lease-with-an-abusive-boyfriend

https://www.thehotline.org/ (for victims of domestic abuse)
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YES, hire an attorney who will hire a team to collect these possession. Supply proof of title to car. As to possessions, sorry I wouldn't worry this much if they aren't of much value, because this is a dangerous person and people actually DIE this way.
I am hoping someone is POA and that Sis won't go back, because that is what happens in about 85% of these cases.
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notgoodenough Oct 2023
An attorney's not going to hire a team to go in and do this, Alva. If the OP has to go the attorney route, it will be the attorney petitioning the court to allow the OP's sister to collect her stuff, and the court will issue an order.

It would be way more expedient for the OP to go to court to file for an Order of Protection and ask for a uniform police escort to get the items out.
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Grandma 1954 is 100% correct. One of you are going to have to go there to be able to identify which items are your sister's.

If you are determined to do this, then get an Order of Protection - even a temporary one - and take it in hand to the local police and tell them you/sister needs an escort to obtain her possessions. The police should go with you - but bear in mind, they aren't going to be willing to be there for hours while stuff is packed up. It will strictly be a "grab and go" sort of thing, where you grab a few items that she absolutely needs. Anything beyond that, and the police are going to tell you to go to family court or small claims court and sort it out there.

With that in mind, I have to ask - what sort of possessions are you talking about? Is there anything that she desperately needs that can't be easily replaced? Anything of great monetary value that might still be there, that the ex hasn't made off with and sold? It might be safer for her - and you - to just let the "stuff" go and replace what needs to be replaced, even if you have to do it piecemeal. I understand the idea of that rankles, but this might be a case of discretion being the better part of valor.
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unluckysis Oct 2023
Thanks for responding. We only want to get private documents & her medications. Definitely a grab & go. We have financial & medical poa’s. Sister is not healthy enough to do any of this. Nor do we want to risk any further encounters. She wasn’t even able to walk after the last month she lived w/him. How about the car? $12k debt! She’s going need very penny!
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If there is an order of protection or a restraining order you might be able to get a police officer to accompany you.
As long as you entering the home and getting the items is "legal" (ordered by the court) or you have her permission you might be able to hire an off duty officer or there are security firms you could hire to accompany you.
You say you do not want to interact with the ex....someone needs to be there that can identify 'her" belongings from "his" so that there is no accusation that you have "stolen" his property.
He does not have to be there but someone that knows her belongings from his needs to be there.
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