Just this week he started the dishwasher and then decided he didn't want to run it yet. Instead of pressing and holding the cancel button he forced the door open while it was running. He was screaming, "how do you stop this?" but he didn't wait for an answer, he was already pulling on the door.
He takes hot pans out of the oven and places them on the counter, he leaves dish towels on the top of the stove, he chops food directly on the counter, not on a cutting board.
He left the back door open, not just unlocked but open twice overnight.
When I say anything to him he says, "nag, nag, nag".
He's highly educated and he hasn't always been so careless.
What should I do?
This behavior is especially disheartening I guess,because I was so optimistic.
This is one of the best sources I've seen for balanced coverage of cancer. These hits are for articles on chemo brain. Although I can't say that I've read all of these, I have read some in the print copy of the magazine available to caregivers and those battling cancer.
curetoday/search?get1=search&keywordTerm=chemo+brain&x=6&y=8
My husband has just completed six months of chemo with good results
I hope this is a temporary side effect. I will talk to his Oncologist next week
when we have an appointment. Do you think I should try to talk to the Dr. alone?
His cognitive problems may be a result of the cancer itself.
They may be a reaction to his treatments or medications.
It is also possible, of course, to have diseases and conditions in addition to the cancer. Dementia is not an impossibility (though it isn't what comes to mind first here.)
I suggest you talk your concerns over with his doctor as a first step.
And then I think you need to accept that your intelligent , highly educated husband, is cognitively impaired. Maybe not permanently (depending on its cause) but definitely for right now.
What does that mean for how you treat him?
Recognize that he is not being "careless." Whatever is the cause here it is not something he signed up for and he cannot help it. This is Not His Fault. (Not yours, either, of course.)
So your job becomes protecting your counters and protecting his ego, ideally at the same time. Can you kind of "hang around" while he is cooking? Get out the trivet or towel or cutting board or whatever you set hot pans on when you see that need is coming up. Make sure he has a cutting board when appropriate. (Perhaps show him two and ask which one would be better for this task.) Quietly and unobtrusively remove towels from potentially dangerous places.Do your own door check before you go to bed. If you find a door open, close it and lock it. Don't mention it to him.
Sadly, many of us on his forum have had to compensate for a spouse who is no longer capable of doing things he or she used to do very easily. And many of us have dealt with spouses who insisted they could still do the tasks and resented any supervision. It is a very challenging balancing act to not insult them and make them feel worse and at the same time protect their safety and get the tasks done.
There are so many of us that have been in that position, I'm sure you'll get lots of suggestions. My first two recommendations are to 1) discuss it with providers who know his medical conditions, and 2) keep firmly in mind that this is not under his control, is not carelessness, and is Not His Fault.