I am so freaked out! My husband said this morning he wants to give his 2 nieces whom he hasnt seen for many years £6000 ($10000) each in cash! I said I will be on my own and may need that money - cant I give it to them in my will . He says NO and went on about how he took care of me in our marriage and took me overseas for years but that was his job. I have no family but you know how much everything costs these days. I am hurt and mad about this. They will only spend the money on vacations and hairdressers! What can I do?
But I can't imagine her wanting to do that, anyway.
You make a good point about the continuation of the joint account following the decease of one account holder; we've found that our clearing bank has actually just left the whole thing as is. In fact, now that it's come up, I'm not sure the executors will have thought to tell this particular bank that one party has died. Oops. Better get on to that in the morning :/
Can I just allay some fears though. A joint account is not part of the estate of the deceased. The other account holder automatically becomes the owner of the funds in the account.
The bank will make an administrative change to remove the deceased's name from the account. It might do this by transferring the money to a new account but more likely they will just change the account name.
It is not the same as with a single account holder when they do freeze the account pending probate or other evidence of future ownership of the funds
Whether or not it is determined as separate property, once it is comingled in the joint account it may be construed as joint property.
I did not get the idea that you were trying to steal his money, but instead manage the marital finances to his benefit and yours, as community property, with impending expenses for his care looming on the horizon.
You mentioned going to the bank for advice. See an attorney instead.
Once there is a dispute concerning finances, banks get funny and may take sides.
Ask your attorney this: "Do I have to divorce my husband to protect our finances?"
Don't forget about your own autonomy in an effort to protect your husband's 'autonomy'.
There is the husband, a legal entity.
There is the wife, a legal entity.
Then there is the 50% legal entity of division of assets in a divorce.
There should be acknowledgement of the couple's assets and income.
I agree with helping your husband to draw up a will with an attorney.
You are married. Open your own account at another bank, and put 50% of the marital assets in there. imop.
Think about it. How could this get any worse? You are trying so hard, your husband is very ill. That loss is so hard on you already. Your efforts to help him should not be thwarted by his 'autonomy' as he clearly is not thinking of his and your future needs. At the very least, you should become his rep-payee to receive any social security funds to spend on his behalf.
Don't do that.
One possibility that occurs to me is that he might be thinking generally about inheritance tax - will the estate take you over the threshold?
Anyway. If he's serious, it's simple: you call a solicitor and ask him to visit the home so that your husband can make a will. To be blunt, he has a right to do that and you, as his primary caregiver, have a duty to facilitate it. If you are concerned about your own financial position after his passing, there is no reason why you should not be present to raise your concerns during the discussion; and an experienced, responsible family lawyer will normally be supportive of a spouse's reasonable expectations. Look for a firm with WIQS accreditation from the Law Society - you're not obliged to use the same person who's been dealing with the personal injury claim.
Have you had a Carer's Assessment done? You are entitled to a certain amount of respite care provided by your local authority in your own right. Contact Adult Social Services for advice about that if you haven't already. Adult Social Services will also arrange a home visit from a local authority Financial Assessment Officer who can advise you about your entitlements to care services and whether you qualify for any support. These people are there, paid for by you: use them.
I wouldn't, myself, involve the palliative care team in financial differences of opinion. They may - or may not, depending on how they view your husband's right to autonomy - be sympathetic, but this isn't their territory.
As I recall and I didn't research this aspect, settlement funds were set up for future asbestos claims, limiting the amount of damages available to sufferers of asbestos related diseases.
I do NOT know, though, whether this settlement affected JM's American only or nonAmerican operations. Since Rosmarin is in the UK, I don't know whether or not the Ch. 11 outcomes affected it's worldwide operations including the UK.
From what you wrote, Rosemarin, it may be that your husband has already gotten as much as he can get in compensation for his asbestos related injuries, and that's unfortunate - Johns Mansville is still in operation and from what I've read is expanding operations.
In addition to the site FF suggested, there's also some historical information at Mesothelioma..
Yes its time to get tough though I did storm out of the place today - then had to return after an hour to see if he was OK!
(I cant update my profile as this site wont accept my UK postcode).
Here in the State there is a huge class action lawsuit regarding asbestos that caused a medical condition known as mesothelioma. Check with a solicitors or barrister to see if the UK or the country you live in has this class action lawsuit.
Go to asbestos.com for more information. Do this immediately while your husband is still able to understand what he is reading regarding legal documents, or hopefully you have some type of Power of Attorney for him.
I think it's also possible that he realizes he's dying and wants to reach out to long lost relatives; perhaps he feels some guilt in not maintaining relationships with them over the years.
However, I agree that he needs to provide for you first. And he definitely is not thinking clearly or reasonably.
I don't know if you could muster the courage to do this, but a good way to put this in perspective is to tell him that if he wants to give money to the nieces, you'll contact them, tell them his schedule and ask when they can be expected to come and take care of him, because you can't since you need to be looking for a job to support yourself after he's gone.
Despite the emotional pain you feel for his suffering, sometimes you do have to get tough to prevent someone from doing something irresponsible.
If he does have chemo brain, and although it will be unpleasant and you'll feel guilty, you might be able to have one of his doctors certify that the rads have affected his thinking so that you can use that statement to get control of his assets before they're frittered away.
I don't know what the procedure would be to do that in the UK.
OhJude, CountryMouse....any others here from the UK who can provide information on the issue of taking control of her husband's assets?
BTW, her post on the cancer issue is here:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/get-strong-to-cope-with-husbands-terminal-lung-cancer-195450.htm
It helps to know the anguish she's undergoing now.
Is your husband able to get to a bank on his own and do this without your help?
Do you have POA? Is your name on the accounts too?
You said you've been caring for your husband for many years. Does he realize that that money may be needed for his care if he wants to remain at home for the rest of his life?