Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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You don't for awhile. And you relive every moment. What could I have done differently.
You think back on what brought you to,the position to,place him. It would not get better, only exponentially worse. Tell hubs, we have to do what doctor says. Blame it on doc.
I know this is so hard. We all do. We have been where you are. But you have come to a fountain of knowledge and we are glad you are here. We wish under different circumstance, of course, but still...
Dorothy, it is not unusual for a love one to want to come home after only two weeks. Hubby needs time to adjust to his new surroundings. He has to learn his way around which can be overwhelming. All the new faces. New food. New sights and sounds.
I agree with Segoline's post, blame it on the doctor. It is ok to use what is called "therapeutic fibs".
My Dad had sundowners. Every evening he would get into his time machine and go back to the 1940's. Any time Dad would call me, it wasn't easy but I played along with the 1940's routine because it made Dad feel better about what world he was experiencing. Dad was living in Assisted Living/Memory Care.
I can definitely relate. My mother went into a nursing home just over a week ago and when I was there to see her yesterday she begged to come home. All I could do was (truthfully) tell her it wasn't safe for her at home anymore, but she didn't care.
All I can do is hope that with time she'll settle in there and adjust, but she has always been a very negative person and prone to bouts of self-pity and depression. I'm worried she's not going to give it an honest chance. She was amenable to the idea of the nursing home before but I think the reality of it is hitting her harder than she expected now that she's there.
I just keep telling myself that I have done all I can do. I looked after her and her steadily declining health all by myself for years and I just can't do it anymore. It feels selfish sometimes to be relieved that I don't have to deal with her at home anymore but I do honestly believe she is better off there with 24/7 care, whether she's willing to admit it or not, and her doctors are in agreement or else she never would have been accepted there in the first place. If I think about trying to have her at home again it's enough to nearly give me a panic attack.
I'm sure I'm going to struggle with this guilt for a long time, though.
you grieve the loss, and the sadness that his care is beyond anyone's capability. He is right where he is supposed to be. It's a heartache many of us have experienced, and one that many will experience.
I saw a wonderful Doctor last year (since retired, my loss). He & his wife had been caring for her Mother w Dementia in their home for many years. Granny getting more immobile, sundowners, wandering, resistant to care etc. Constantly either constipated (suppositories used) or diarrhea. His son came to stay & said "Dad, what are you doing!! This is SO hard for you both. Granny would not have wanted to put you through this. Time to think about moving to a NH". And that path was taken. He said they were so caught up in survival mode they didn't look at the bigger picture of 'quality of life' for all of them.
They felt a lot of guilt UNTIL they changed the thought behind that feeling from "we couldn't look after Granny any more" to the new thought of "we are looking after Granny in this way now". The Doctor said this lessoned the guilt & in time Granny settled in (3 months or so). The whole family became less stressed & enjoyed visiting Granny. (She was close by & his wife could visit every afternoon).
The Doctor recommeded I read " Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande. Which I absolutley recommed also.
Sorry to ramble on... in time I'm sure you will both adjust.
Thank you everyone for your support...This has been a hard decision for me although I know he needs to be where he is right now..Maybe someday with Gods help he can come home.
Dorothy, has LEAVE HIM THERE!!! Don’t visit so often. Unless you want to be dead before him. He don’t care if you taking care of him makes you sick or is difficult. His only concern is himself. Please take my advice Hugs 🤗
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You think back on what brought you to,the position to,place him. It would not get better, only exponentially worse. Tell hubs, we have to do what doctor says. Blame it on doc.
I know this is so hard. We all do. We have been where you are. But you have come to a fountain of knowledge and we are glad you are here. We wish under different circumstance, of course, but still...
I agree with Segoline's post, blame it on the doctor. It is ok to use what is called "therapeutic fibs".
My Dad had sundowners. Every evening he would get into his time machine and go back to the 1940's. Any time Dad would call me, it wasn't easy but I played along with the 1940's routine because it made Dad feel better about what world he was experiencing. Dad was living in Assisted Living/Memory Care.
All I can do is hope that with time she'll settle in there and adjust, but she has always been a very negative person and prone to bouts of self-pity and depression. I'm worried she's not going to give it an honest chance. She was amenable to the idea of the nursing home before but I think the reality of it is hitting her harder than she expected now that she's there.
I just keep telling myself that I have done all I can do. I looked after her and her steadily declining health all by myself for years and I just can't do it anymore. It feels selfish sometimes to be relieved that I don't have to deal with her at home anymore but I do honestly believe she is better off there with 24/7 care, whether she's willing to admit it or not, and her doctors are in agreement or else she never would have been accepted there in the first place. If I think about trying to have her at home again it's enough to nearly give me a panic attack.
I'm sure I'm going to struggle with this guilt for a long time, though.
They felt a lot of guilt UNTIL they changed the thought behind that feeling from "we couldn't look after Granny any more" to the new thought of "we are looking after Granny in this way now". The Doctor said this lessoned the guilt & in time Granny settled in (3 months or so). The whole family became less stressed & enjoyed visiting Granny. (She was close by & his wife could visit every afternoon).
The Doctor recommeded I read " Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande. Which I absolutley recommed also.
Sorry to ramble on... in time I'm sure you will both adjust.
You ARE looking after your DH, just in a new way.