Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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By the way, you are not the only poster with this problem. She was successful in divorcing him but last post she was having a problem getting him in the facility. Forget why.
Time for an Elder Lawyer who can split ur assets. Your husbands split going for his care in a Memory care that eventually may except Medicaid or Long-term care that excepts Medicaid. His split gets spent down and about 3 months before its gone you apply for Medicaid. Once on Medicaid, u remain in the home, have a car and get enough or all your monthly income to live on. There is also a form you can fill out that will protect ur 401k or pension. This form says you will not support him in the NH. I am just giving you the basics here. An Elder Lawyer will be able to give u more info depending on ur situation. You don't have to care for him.
What a miserable life, providing care while depressed and resentful to someone you don’t love. It’s impossibly hard when you do love them. No judgement, just bad for you both. If you haven’t already, take the steps needed to separate your finances, and then end the marriage. He needs to be cared for by others and you need to care for you. I wish you peace
Get support for yourself and help with your husband. If he can't care for himself and really you can't stand another moment, find out a hospital or police station you can drop him off and explain you can no longer meet his needs. Find out if there are help lines or what resources in your area can help you immediately.
I’m so sorry that you are in such pain. Depression is awful. 😞
It sounds like you are at your wits end. It’s time to take care of yourself. You have given all that you have towards a husband that you no longer love.
Look into alternative care services for your husband, then start to focus on yourself.
Wishing you peace as you move forward in this difficult transitioning phase of your life.
How very sad to live in a loveless marriage. No wonder you're depressed. I would be too. I can't help but wonder why you didn't divorce him long ago, but that is now water under the dam, and now you're stuck caring for someone you don't love. Time to see a Elder Law Attorney to figure out your finances, so you can get your husband placed in the appropriate facility, and then perhaps a divorce lawyer so you both can move on from your loveless marriage, as you both deserve better.
I can understand this. It is clearly time for your hubby to be placed in care. As Barb says, would love an update on how you are moving forward on plans for that.
Hello. I am so sorry! It's so hard. I agree with Snoopy and hope you lean on the group for support. In the meantime you know that we are out here hoping you can get a break or whatever else is needed to reduce your stress and burden.
Retired RN. Mother of 2 sons and grandmother of 4. History of depression and currently have severe depression even with medication. I enjoy reading and talking with friends. I do not love my husband and haven’t even before his diagnosis. I am cross and impatient with him followed by feeling guilty. Vicious circle
OP, I am so sorry. What is your caregiving situation like? Do you get any breaks, any chance to just take care of yourself? Could any sort of respite be possibly arranged? Is your doctor aware of the severity of your depression at this point in time? Perhaps you need to call his/her office Monday morning— or even seek emergency medical attention for yourself if needed. There is a national hotline, 988, for folks experiencing suicidal or hopeless thoughts right now. Please don’t hesitate to use it if necessary.
I hope you can provide more info so possibly other members might have good, actionable suggestions for your situation.
Please hang in there— you are important and you matter. 😊
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It sounds like you are at your wits end. It’s time to take care of yourself. You have given all that you have towards a husband that you no longer love.
Look into alternative care services for your husband, then start to focus on yourself.
Wishing you peace as you move forward in this difficult transitioning phase of your life.
I can't help but wonder why you didn't divorce him long ago, but that is now water under the dam, and now you're stuck caring for someone you don't love.
Time to see a Elder Law Attorney to figure out your finances, so you can get your husband placed in the appropriate facility, and then perhaps a divorce lawyer so you both can move on from your loveless marriage, as you both deserve better.
It is clearly time for your hubby to be placed in care.
As Barb says, would love an update on how you are moving forward on plans for that.
It must have taken much courage to write this post.
Clearly, it's time to figure out Plan B, i.e. finding another care plan for your husband.
What help do you need in making that plan?
Retired RN. Mother of 2 sons and grandmother of 4. History of depression and currently have severe depression even with medication. I enjoy reading and talking with friends. I do not love my husband and haven’t even before his diagnosis. I am cross and impatient with him followed by feeling guilty. Vicious circle
OP, I am so sorry. What is your caregiving situation like? Do you get any breaks, any chance to just take care of yourself? Could any sort of respite be possibly arranged? Is your doctor aware of the severity of your depression at this point in time? Perhaps you need to call his/her office Monday morning— or even seek emergency medical attention for yourself if needed. There is a national hotline, 988, for folks experiencing suicidal or hopeless thoughts right now. Please don’t hesitate to use it if necessary.
I hope you can provide more info so possibly other members might have good, actionable suggestions for your situation.
Please hang in there— you are important and you matter. 😊