After 2 years my MIL has been faking having dementia. She decided 2 years ago she no longer was going to get up out of her chair to go to the bathroom. Her landlord called because they thought there was a dead body in her apartment... Nope it was just garbage bags x30 full of diapers and poopy clothes in the closet. There was meal worms flies and I threw up before I could finish looking... I'm so sick. Wtf do I do? I'm not cleaning it again! Not to mention I wasn't cleaning fast enough so she could watch t.v. What can I do????
Next, take off your cleaner's uniform & keep it off. Quick change into office wear - as that's your next role. Once you have called APS, her Doctor, Aging crises line etc, take a deep breath. Mentally go over what is in your control & what is not. (MIL's mental health & cognitive state is not).
It sounds like your MIL has some big issues - any or all of mental illness, cognitive or behaviour issues.
You helped her from love/duty/necessity as as immediate response.
If you clean up each time, it will be ongoing, never resolved.
The next help is putting her in touch with professionals to help move her towards what improvement & recovery is possible for her.
Literally if need be.
It is not safe for you to enter her home in that condition. Drop her off at her old apartment and leave her there.
This situation needs professional intervention
That is the only thing you can do.
This method actually changed the behaviour to accepting outside help in.
But OCD is a symptom, not the disease. Something is causing the OCD to happen. I’m unclear as to why you believe her to be faking dementia. I’m not sure why someone would do that. Remember that people can have multiple disorders, and the more disorders they have, the more messed up the person presents themselves. And forgive me, but your MIL is a big hot mess. One in need of sympathy and patience and treatment. More care and patience and treatment than you can give, honey. This will never go away. She will never stop unless she is in a facility that can monitor her daily, and you CARE, we see how you care, and how frustrated you must be cleaning up such filth. I’d be enraged, too.
Just know that she has so much more going on that you think she does. Healthy minded people do not do this.
You like your mattresses right? Your living room furniture? Well she can enjoy an air mattress and a hard chair for the duration, which hopefully won't be long.
Put your foot down OP!
She could start making YOUR house look like hers with the fecal hoarding proceeding to WORMS and MAGGOTS in it.
He put you at a disadvantage here regarding an ER dump situation. However, you still can do that. Get her out right away before your own house is compromised.
If you threw up before you could finish scoping out the situation, tell your husband to go have a look at his mother's place and figure out what to do. She should not be living alone with dementia and/or under these circumstances; it's too dangerous! Plus, she's likely going to get evicted since the landlord can probably smell the mess going on in her apartment; it's a health code violation what's going on in there.
Funkygrandma has given you other options as well, but I'd see about getting her some medical attention before you do another thing.
Good luck!
The paramedics who attended had to go into counseling, guys who had fought fires, done trachs on gunshot victims, delivered live babies, figured out that someone had killed their baby, whatever. Like I said, this is an emergency situation.
Be proactive. Call APS.
If in fact she lives by herself, you always have the option of just letting her live in her own filth, and stay away, as it's not your responsibility to care for her, or clean up after her.
You can also report her to APS, and let them take things from there.
And if she does in fact live with you, you need to get her out ASAP. So next time she has a health issue, call 911 and let them take her to the ER, and then let them know that under NO circumstances can she return to your home.
You do have choices, so make sure you're using them.