I am in my 60's, retired early because I was overseeing my Mom's needs.
Our family was close, but since my Mother's death a couple of years ago, my relationship with my two siblings is almost non-existent. I keep trying to reach out to them. One sibling and his wife have an attitude that they don't want to bother with anyone else's issues. The other sibling is handling his life, but now spends most of his time with his son who has stopped working.
I am single, no children, no close relatives anymore, and no close friends. I've tried joining groups, but every time there is an event, I back out. I have no interest in much these days. I've thought about getting part time work, but haven't tried hard enough. I've been shut up in my home the last year due to Covid. I basically sit in my recliner, watch TV or surf the net, and take naps all day. That's the extent of my life.
The past few years I have ALWAYS been the one to initiate getting together with relatives or friends. I can't take much more of this. I don't know what else I can do.
I am in the same boat, older, its several medical issues that limit mobility, but I live in a rural area and getting out to walk in nature, even if I see no one is helpful. My last dog died in 2016 and want to adopt as soon as I am better at walking daily.
I DID seek out several specific FB groups and a few humorous ones... I do get to 'talk' to people that way daily, but there is no real friendship or follow thru of course.
Of all the Facebook groups on sewing, nature, history, politics, animal and humor I notice a serious vicious attacking and the admins forcing people to 'approve' or 'support' issues which have nothing to do with that group...so be forewarned.
Not sure if you are interested in writing your 'memoirs', or a family history -something along those lines, but telling that story and putting it down helps me revive memories, and as something reminds me of an event at age 6 or 36 I can add it to the story.
Our town has a senior center... a physical 4 story building that hosts daily groups, an early coffee klatch at 8am (too early for me) I was pushed to join at age 50, and everyone there was 70+, I tried again at 60, and everyone was still 70-80..now that I am almost 72 I realize it will not be much of a resource for me no matter my age... my area is so political in one direction only that I, and many others get booted off of even "NextDoor" a community chat group for 'neighbors' (lost cats, car thefts, where noise is coming from, etc) for mentioning or trying to discuss any candidate, or social topic. So while I didn't know any of them personally the rage, hate and speech oppression ensures I DON'T want to know them in any 'group' either. So I find I tend to stick to a couple of women's political groups where I can speak and have actual conversation. I've never been a joiner, so I do better as a loner in any case, but as more states open up at least i can choose to go places I want and have some level of contact.
If it is any consolation recent studies of young people, those under 20 and under 30 reveals no one has close friends anymore; most can't name one person significant as a friend, at least we had that in our youth.
You can only count on you and I gotta feeling you are pretty great.
single. No kids. Early retired last year. Lost my mom (and several close friends) last year after a decade of caring for mom alone.
I’m now Bored from the covid shut downs and being inside and not working. I Was also the person who always got friends together before I became a caregiver.
what has started to help me -
- taking short walks to get outside. - - found out my vitamin d was low. Have doc check yours.
Experiencing A few leg aches from not exercising as much but pushing thru. so start slowly.
started zoom cooking with long distance friends for virtual dinners. And find funny things to watch on tv Laughter is healing.
I also started going to outside places like the zoo or botanical gardens and Have just started inviting others to join me.
I plan to start volunteering and will consider part time work when covid gets better.
meditation is also great for your moods. The free “Insight timer “ app has wonderful “live” group meditations that help you connect with positive people around the world daily.
best of luck. You are not alone.
Firstly take small steps to improve things and congratulate yourself on doing that.
Maybe join a new group locally. Volunteering is good and not so focused on social skills which might be rusty. Task orientated is less pressure to start with!
Maybe get a dog or a cat? Dog walking opened a whole new world to me after retiring. Covid has stopped some of that group stuff but I have faith it will re establish in time.
Good luck!
I try and stay healthy, cook, go for long walks, swimming. Find what you like to do - what are your hobbies? And then take steps to embrace that! God Bless and caretaking takes a toll. Even after the parent no longer needs our care the lingering guilt, i.e....did I do enough - should I have done more? Those thoughts can haunt. Try not to ruminate....Good luck to you!
You have to love yourself. If you can do that, then you're going to see how happy you can be.
Good luck.
Your health will decline if you don't get out or find a purpose.
You have "retired" from care giving but you can't retire from life.
Honor yourself and do some things for yourself.
Think about your childhood and teen and young adult years- did you have a hobby or interest you could start again.
Sitting around is depression or leads to it. It is very hard to change routine but you have to make yourself and it will get easier the longer you do.
You are important. You did an important and invaluable service as a caregiver. Maybe your body needed a rest for a while, but you have to find something to give you joy in life again while you can enjoy life. Go outside and take a walk - pull some weeds in the flowerbed - anything to break the current routine.
Maybe when you consider these events, the reality is you are happier doing what you're doing and enjoying your own company more than what you expect you will encounter. ANd it's possibly quite true! Some of us are just not groupie types. No shame in that.
Maybe you might want to consider some volunteering? Maybe you might want to adopt a pup?
Wishing you peace and comfort and that you were here:-)
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
and Acceptance
Not necessarily in that order - either.
You , and your family, may have been going through grief before Mom’s passing. Then afterward also. I noticed what l call depression when my mother moved to assisted living. It got worse moving her into a nursing home. I know anxiety well.
l knew counseling could help me change the way l think. That’s what l wanted. Tools. She called it situational depression. Can’t change the situation. Can change how l think about it. Started with a one hour block outside. Walk and water - for me. Her idea .
Be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot. I hope the next chapter of your life will bring Joy .
If your family are being jerks, blow them off. You don't need their negativity towards you. Don't put up with crap from them just because they're "family". So what?
Then what? Force yourself out of the house. Get in the sun. Start going for walks. No matter what your physical condition is, you can walk a little and add a little to it every day until you're actually taking a decent walk. Drive to different starting points if you need more variety.
Get up off that couch and get out to do something. Anything. Even if you don't feel like it. You obviously aren't really enjoying this place you're stuck in, so do something about it.
As mentioned, you could be suffering from depression. You might need meds and/or therapy. I'd pursue those options too. It might be short term to get you back on track.
Sometimes we all feel like we are the only reaching out to make plans. Sometimes it's true. Seems like many people are horrible at making plans. If you enjoy someone's company, then don't keep score of who contacted who last and just reach out and make plans. Invite a friend to walk or go to lunch with you. If you have to be the one, so be it. Just do it.
Maybe take some kind of a group class. Yoga? Tai chi? Even if you think you won't like it, could always give it a try and see what happens.
I'd look into volunteering somewhere which could be more interesting and flexible than a job. But if you want some extra cash, get a job. There are so many businesses that can't find enough employees these days, I bet you could find something pretty quickly.
Do something nice for yourself. Buy a new outfit. Get your haircut. Hire a cleaning lady. Or something else that you will appreciate and will make you feel good.
Time to move on and take some steps to improve your life!
We know, deep down, what we 'should' do ... but doing what 'needs' to be done can be challenging when one feels this way - unenergized, lacking focus, uninterested, depressed. Hey, there are days when even taking just a shower can be a major accomplishment! It is easy to slide into and stay in that state of existence you are speaking of. But finally, after nearly 7 decades, I know for a fact I cannot look at other people to help me move forward-it has to come from me, deep within me. And taking that first step - maybe it will be the only step right now-is a start. Since the depression is so deep within,making an appt with your reg doc for a rx to help your depression would be a start (all it takes is making a phone call and going to the appt.-that's it right now). Doesn't mean you stay on the rx forever, but it will give you the kickstart you may need right now. Once the outlook is more positive, then you can take the next step, and then the next. But take that first step.
You will need to help yourself now that you have spent years helping your Mom!