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and that's why they say not to go into retirement in debt, isn't it....what dealing with with hub's aunt and uncle as well - beck, some home health agencies have lists of private in-home care people
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Thank you, Quecamon3 I am relieved to finally hear from someone who understands....what we face because of income and how we just fall short of the abundant resources available to the less fortunate we are the forgotten middle class who are neither rich nor poor but surviving or at least trying to. But I know even though some days are harder than others I will survive these times and like you I know I am giving her the best I can.....interviewing yet again for quality in home care.....ugh this is so hard to find right person to care for my mom and I can leave feeling confident she is in good hands....oops rambling lol :) I will take your advise and try to get in some exercise daily of at least fifteen minutes would be good to take my dogs out for a walk :) again thank you for understanding and sharing
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I totally get your predicament....my Mom is 95....she gets a little too much to qualify for Medicaid (which would provide unlimited resources) and Medicare covers very little outside of Drs. and meds. I too have had to relinquish work hours to care for her so that I am making 1/3 of what I used to....because of her income on paper I cannot apply for MediCal or Medicaid (besides we both hate the intrusiveness of the process, both into our finances and life) and I have no medical insurance because on paper I own too much property!! I have two siblings who could help but the drama and their lifestyles....well its not worth it! Frankly, I have days when I just want to "walk off into the sunset"!! I HAVE visited NHs and most take care of basic needs but we have had horrific experiences when she broke her hip a few years back and I REFUSE to place her in one of those affordable places....besides on paper she doesn't qualify for much assistance (most of her income goes to pay down debts and burial)!!! Hang in there and DO take time to care for yourself physically....I lay out a plan each week of healthy foods to eat, and try to get in 15 min of exercise 2 to 3 times a day! But I feel at times like I am aging at warped speed and sometimes feel like Mom will outlive ME!!! At least I will go knowing I did my best to keep her happy and safe! Hang in there....(((HUGS))) and prayers!
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I am saying in a loving way, you should rethink about a nursing home for your mom. You say you are not patient with her. Then she has panic attacks and tightens up. Those should be red flags for you. If you don't do something, then YOU will be in a NH or a cardiac rehab center. Life is not to be just endured. The NH would be paid out of Medicaid funds.
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Can you afford to put her in respite care now and then just to give yourself a break?
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Hi, Amy yep I have power of attorney I know the agencies are expensive and can afford private but it is finding that good person :( have been through several any suggestions
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Quality affordable in home care through an agency is $20 an hour. Private pay is $10-15 an hour. Depending on your mother's income she might qualify for some financial assistance. Medicare might pay some in home care based on her limitations of activities of daily living skills. Hopefully you have durable power of attorney and healthcare proxy. Local senipr centers and the Counsel on Aging can help guide you.
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I can see why you feel hopeless. You have ruled out your answer.
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I think you're dealing with it. Keep it up and good luck
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I will not put her in a home I will feel as if I abondoned her......I just need to find quality affordable in home care so I can get back on my feet
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Windyridge......was getting help from family up until my brothers passing shortly after that my other brother abondoned us I do get my younger brother on Sunday's woohoo so I can go shopping.....I know once I can get back on my own feet financially I can than use her money for her care I went from over 50,0000 a year to less than 15,000....and am just trying to be able to afford her care an my sanity
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I don't feel like you are doing her any good, keeping her at home. What happens if you die suddenly? She will go somewhere, then. I think you need to make that happen, now. Talk to the administrator at a NH and get the medicaid arrangements made, for her to be admitted.

My mother is 96. My MIL is 92. Both are in nice facilities. They are safe, clean, dressed, fed and entertained. My husband and I both work full time and we need our own health insurance and soc. sec. benefits. So, bringing them home with us, was never an option.
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No not quiting job.....am lucky it is my own business......but is still very difficult she has some money which I have had to use for our living expenses but not enough to cover all the expenses am just so very frustrated but thank you for your encouragment I am hoping I can get some perspective by being here
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Should have typed.......Applying for medicaid
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She needs to be in a skilled nursing care facility that accepts medicaid, assuming their are no funds. No one can do what you are tring to do without lots of family support and lots of money for in home help. For the sake of you both check to this now. This site has good info about a lying for medicad and finding a care facility.
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Do not leave your job!!!! Who will pay the bills? Then, like me, you could possibly have a hard time finding a decent job. Is she on Medicare? Does she have any $ of her own? What is the Dr. saying about prescribing home health care? Surely they have some suggestion. Is there a Parkinson's Support Group in your area? Do not panic...this is a great place for ideas and support. It is so hard to feel like you are holding up the world on your shoulders all alone.
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