He is 89 and has fallen 6 times this year resulting in broken or fractured bones 4 of those times. He drinks too much and is stubborn about our concerns. He has been diagnosed with Chronic Alcoholic encephalopathy, Moderate cognitive impairment, Brain Atrophy, and early dementia. We had in-home care for this year half a day and still it remained a challenge to protect him from himself.
I am feeling so much guilt emotion and second guessing about my decision.
Wondering if I should undo my decision.
You are in the process of executing a loving decision that you made based on recent events that were dangerous to your father’s welfare.
Don’t second guess this valid effort on your part.
There are no happy, pleasant, comfortable-for-everybody decisions to be made here.
You’re the poa, and you’re doing the heavy lifting. Give yourself the credit you richly deserve. You’re willing to take on the sadness of his situation to save his life.
This is my Father exactly, denial even after the Nureo eval and consult with neurologist over the years and the evidence of everyday lost moments.
My Father is asking me currently "what kind of Shit game is this I am playing with him" breaks my heart when he gets angry.
I can understand the guilt feeling, try to look at it as doing the best for your Dad. Now he will be around people from his own generation, thus more in common. Or as my Dad would say "more ears to hear his stories".
Try to set up your Dad's bedroom similar to what he had at home, with the furniture in the same location [if possible]. That way when Dad awakes at night, he would think he was still at home, not someplace strange. Bring along Dad's bedspread. Chances are Memory Care will supply their own sheets/pillow cases.
When my Dad went into Memory Care, his only concern was all his books. Thankfully all his bookcases did fit, thus he had all of his books. It was a comfort cocoon for him.
Just as you've done as a parent to your kids, the easiest choice is not always the best one. You're making the correct decision, so don't let guilt even enter the picture.
You've done everything right for him. He cannot take care of himself. He is unsafe at home. He needs more care than you or a half-day caregiver can give him. Do not undo the placement. You will regret it.
It will take him time to adjust. Give him that time and space. You know that if he goes back home that he will drink again and will fall again and you'll be right back at square one. Accept that this is what's best for him.