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I have a serious issue going on here with myself. My 86 yr. old mother has been living with me and my husband since May. She is on Hospice care for a mass on her kidney. She had hip surgery, not replacement, and now cannot walk. She needs assistance to get to the bedside commode and in her chair.


I have a wonderful caregiver for her that comes 3 days a week while I work. My mother always makes up excuses why the caregiver shouldn't give her a bed bath or wash her hair. On my days off my mother than wants me to do this. First off, I am not comfortable giving my mother a full bath. I have, but reluctantly. I used to wash her hair, but now it gives me more time if the caregiver can do it. I am not being selfish, but I am very behind in getting things done in the house, grocery shopping and other things that need to be done. I can't even talk on the phone anymore. I'm not a phone talker to begin with, but I can't talk with my kids like I used to.


Today I have a sink full of dishes, laundry and need to clean my car out....I am a nanny and we have little trips we go on.


I have to wash my mom's hair and bathe her.


When I explain that is what the caregiver is for, she gets quiet and acts like a child. Then I feel guilty.


I feel resentful, frustrated, angry and guilty all at the same time. Then I just cry.


I have a sister in law who thinks helping is cooking dinner every few weeks and having a little party here and laughs everything off.


I am at the very end of a frayed rope. When I go out to the store or even after work, I have thought of just driving away.....just to keep going.


She hates my one dog and lets everyone know it.


I don't know what to do!!!!!


Her health seems to be fine except for her legs. The nurse always says her numbers are great. WTH!!!! Is this going to go on forever? I am 60 and love to enjoy my life.


I know many of you are going to say why did I take her?! I do love her, but never imagined my life would be taken away, even with a caregiver.


No negative or snide remarks please. You'll push me over the edge! lol


Thank you!!!!! and God bless!

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Try having the bath aide come while you are home, that way you can be sure to insist she gets the job done while you are still able to tend to your other chores. Hopefully once she gets more comfortable with the aide and she realizes that you WILL NOT do this under any circumstances you can return to the original schedule.
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Oh Ambly. I do feel for you.

The shortest route, if you can face it, is to harden your heart/nose about the bathing and hair-washing issue. My first guess would be that your mother doesn't like the way the c/g's do it, but with the greatest care and respect to her - tough! If there are issues such as choice of toiletries, method of drying, very personal things like that, encourage her to say honestly what she does like rather than criticise what they're doing wrong. If it's not liking complete strangers seeing her in the buff, reassure her that they are professionals, they are trained and discreet, and it's a lot less traumatic for them than it is for you!

If she's mean to your dog...

I wouldn't know what to do about that either :(

Except retort that at least the dog never gives you any trouble!
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What kind of help do you expect your sister-in-law to provide? It's not her mother, after all.

Maybe it's her husband (your brother) who should be doing more.
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Please give yourself permission to relieve yourself of the guilt. You are paying a competent professional to provide an essential service to your mom, and it is one that you are UNABLE to provide.

I hope no one here says “Why did you take her?”! I took my mom in similar circumstances because I loved her and wanted to be sure that she’d receive good care, but when “good care” became having to sleep on an air mattress on the floor beside her bed because she REFUSED to call for help when she had to use the commode, and when I’d slept on that floor for MONTHS with no chance for respite, my husband, who also loved her dearly, put his foot down and insisted that a 24/7 aide be hired, and when THAT was only partly successful, I tearfully and regretfully placed her in a wonderful nursing facility in which she THRIVED for 5 1/2 years, until her death at 95.
If you have the strength left to do so, have a conversation with her, and lay down her new life plan, and stick to it. She is acting like a child because it’s working for her, and the only thing you are guilty of is allowing yourself to be manipulated, and YOU deserve better.
If you’re not yet researching a good nursing facility, start doing that now too. After assuming that my mom would die of a broken heart within 6 months of placing her, she lived 5 1/2 much better years than she’d lived during her previous 30. Her caregivers doted on her and she loved them back. I still remain in contact with some of them.
You will never be the caretaker you want for her if you’re caring for her at the expense of your wellbeing. No parent ever wants their care to be a source of damage to a beloved child.
Good luck, Prayers, and Hope.
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CaregiverL Oct 2018
That’s the best advice I’ve heard
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Because you are a Nanny, you have experience with children...or people who act like children,right? You would not tolerate this behavior from your charges, so why do you tolerate it from your mother? When she fusses about getting washed by the aides, look her in the eye and say, “I understand how you feel, Mom, but you need a good wash and shampoo and the more you carry on, the longer it will take. I have things to do and this is what this lady is here for.” I know how you feel about bathing her too. My own mother was Queen of the Prudes. My trying to bathe her would have been horrific and traumatic for both of us.

As for the dog, I don’t tolerate anyone verbally or physically abusing my animals. They’d get the tongue-lashing of their lives. Mom has to know she is a “guest” but the dog is a permanent resident. The dog is going nowhere but if she finds him objectionable, you’ll be happy to make other living arrangements for her, not the dog.

Im not going to ask why you took her, but I am going to comment that things need to change before you crash and burn completely.
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Physically bathing my Mom was hard on me. Being 5 ft if she fell I wouldn't be able to pick her up. Moms bathroom was a former powder room we had a shower put in using up part of my laundry room. It was hard for two people to get around. I sent her to Daycare and they showered her. I noticed she hadn't had a shower. Call and ask the DC why, Mom refused after asking her more than once. She had Dementia but I told her that she needed to get a shower when the aide was able to give it. That I could no longer do it. The aides would tell her "your daughter says u need to get a shower" and she would do it.

You need to tell Mom the aide is there for you as much as for her. That you will not be able to bath her on your days off. Those days are for getting caught up on chores. So she needs to allow the aide to bath her. I never felt guilty because bathing and toileting were not things I enjoyed. I get overwhelmed easily. I think thats why I am organized. Now I am older I don't take on more than I am capable of.

Is this mass life threatening?
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A couple of things on bathing. My MIL in a nursing home was showered after transfer from her wheelchair, but the aides always allowed/insisted that she washed between her legs by herself, after soaping the face washer for her. Is this what worries you, or is it her nudity? If she can move her hands, she can almost certainly do this much.

Next does it have to be a bed bath? Can she transfer to a shower chair? I have just written on another post about walk-in baths: Most bathrooms have a central floor drain, so if you remove towels etc and put a blocker at the doorway, you can treat the whole thing as a ‘wet room’. Then use a shower chair and a flexible ‘shower hose’ from the basin. You can get cheap rubber shower spray hoses that will push-fit over a mixer tap. They are not as good as a properly installed one, but would be easy to experiment with. If you wanted to plumb in a proper one, it would almost certainly be a cheaper mod than installing a walk-in tub.

Last, there are many many posts about people who simply cannot get their elders to wash at all, sometimes for weeks. Ahmijoy mentioned holding your nose! If you just told her that it was the aides or nothing, how would she react to not washing at all, particularly if you told her that she smelled?

Best wishes, and I hope that you can feel better soon. You have a difficult job.
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cwillie Oct 2018
I have never seen a bathroom with a floor drain, it certainly isn't typical in any North American bathroom.
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Is it time to consider a change to a facility? You say she is fine except for her legs, but also that she was put on hospice for a mass in her kidney. Caring for her will only get more difficult as the issue with the kidney mass (cancer?) progresses. You sound burnt out now, You have to look after you!!! I am 81 and my mother is 106. She has been on palliative care (in Canada -like hospice) for several years now and is in an NH at a distance and well cared for. Even then the role of caregiver takes a toll on me. ((((((hugs))))
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CaregiverL Oct 2018
No way you should have to be a caregiver at 81!!!!! You have to enjoy your retirement & go on vacation & be with friends!!!!! I’m 59 & exhausted 😩 from caregiving
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I'm assuming the mass on her kidney is cancer. Is that correct?

Cancer or not, your mother is a guest in *your* home. Your dog is your pet. If she doesn't like life at your place then it's time to let her know that she can depart whenever she likes. Or, she can be appreciative of having a professional aide help you to help her.

No wonder you want to drive away. She is manipulating you...and you are letting her. When I was in the thick of my journey as a caregiver, being manipulated by my in-laws, and allowing myself to be manipulated, I read a book by Roz Chast called "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?" It helped tremendously as did reading posts on this forum.
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ambly02 Oct 2018
Thank you!!! I will definitely read this book!
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Have a caregiver on one of your days home so you have a day to yourself.
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She's "guilting" you; my mom used to try that; getting real quiet and acting as if she was a little afraid of me. It made me SO angry.... she probably should have been afraid of me then! (LOL). She doesn't do that anymore (who knows why; I'm just grateful), so I'm able to just say what's what, and if she doesn't like it, we may discuss it, but usually it happens - except when she agrees cheerfully, then forgets the whole thing....

By the way; I, too, have animals (several) that we love that have been with us for years, and we'd not stand for anyone to abuse them in any way, even verbally; you don't have to either; you can just say something like "Be nice, mom; that's my kid you're talking about!" and hope that, repeated when needed for awhile, will stop the behavior. None of this is easy, no reason to let her stress you more....
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ambly02 Oct 2018
Thank you too!!!! It's just so nice to have someone who truly understands exactly what I'm going through and feeling!!!
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You’re lucky you have a husband & a job....I had to look twice since I thought I was the one who wrote it...I have the same thoughts...just get in the car & drive as far as I can & keep driving...not knowing where Im going but I think today was the worst day ever. My mother didn’t eat, drink or take her meds & keeps on with these new strange behaviors. Today was a 2 Valium, 2 ice cream cone, & headache pill day . I went to ER w her yesterday & all tests come back “normal “!!! Im 59 yo & mother is 91. I think she is possessed by Satan & was extremely violent today. I had to wear my bike helmet my nephew gave me w chest protector..I just gave up & put her to bed w her clothes on
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I have found through the last 12 years of caregiving for my mom(91); that the more I let her "get" away with behavior , the more she pushed it. So, I had to decide that I would dictate when I will be available to grocery shop, shower her, fix her hair etc...I use to let her decide and it got to where it was taking up my entire life! Now that you have a caregiver coming in, TELL your mom "today (soandso) is going to give you a shower and you ARE going to take it! GOT IT? and if she refuses, that's when you tell her that you cannot help her if she doesn't help you help her (and then...or else) I have tried to let my mom make decisions because she has very little control over her illnesses BUT she started taking advantage of me with little to no thanks or consideration of my life. She is not happy with the way things are now, but I know that she is safe, fed, clean, makes it to her Dr. appt's, gets her nails/toenails done, hair fixed and meds controlled. AND now I am much more at peace because I have learned to just ignore her attempts at guilting me. It's not easy but you can do it if you just make up your mind to and then stick to your guns. I have not had any help from family until last year when my younger brother retired and fortunately he now helps some. I was sooooooo burned out and used up that I wanted to die (or for her to die) I just needed some relief! It is better now that I don't let her mess with my head/heart. Sadly, you sorta have to kinda become numb.
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ambly02 Oct 2018
Thank you so much!!!! This is by far the best advice I have received!!!! You seem to really understand my feelings! Thank you!!!!! I feel the way you have and I will definitely do this!
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I just cried reading your story. I feel like this so many times! Often I wish I just packed a bag and never came back.
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CaregiverL: " I think she is possessed by Satan & was extremely violent today. I had to wear my bike helmet my nephew gave me w chest protector..I just gave up & put her to bed w her clothes on"

This upsets me. If your mother is that violent, you need to stop being the caregiver. Please don't subject yourself to this abuse. I don't know your full story, but she needs to be placed in a geriatric psych facility and given meds to calm her down.
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I TOTALLY understand what you are going through! My 84 yr old mother has been living with me for 5 years!!! Yep, that’s right 5 years!!! She was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few months ago and I feel like I am going to lose my mind!

she refuses care, she refuses to let me do anything, sometimes she is so mean I yell back something terrible which I feel Horrible afterwards. I am seeing a counselor which is helping but it is tough!

Ive tried to get her into assisted living but she was so awful to the workers there that it was humiliating. It was just a “lunch” there!!!

Ive learned to just have someone come in and leave. She figures it out with the aid. It is always pleasant. It’s just when I’M around she carries on. She doesn’t act this way around my husband either!!! JUST ME.

So, tell the help she needs a bath and her hair washed and LEAVE!

Goid luck❤️
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mally1 Oct 2018
"She was diagnosed with Alzheimers and I'm losing my mind!" Ain't it the truth.... does sound funny, though.
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My father was the same way.....and there was nothing we can do about it but say "it's Ok, she just wants to wash you." first he would smile and say hello, but once they wanted to wash him, out came the swear words. Every kind he can think of saying. Then he would pout in his chair for an hour, and then he'd be fine again. So give it another shot...maybe be there while she tries to wash her...or help her out some, maybe she doesn't want it to be just her that washes her, she may be embarrassed. I know my father was.
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Ahmijoy Oct 2018
I agree. If Mom is still “with it” mentally, having someone bathe her, no matter how kind and respectful the bath aide is, is still humiliating. After all, most of us have bathed ourselves since we were 5. I know my husband didn’t like it. Unfortunately, the main way they can think of to react is with anger and insults so they make everyone miserable.
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Ambly02- I totally understand!! The guilt and frustration and the need to just “get away” - all of those conflicting emotions at the same time. Sometimes feel like going to a Caribbean island in a grass hut on the beach without a phone, and coming back when it’s “all over.”
in the meantime, I find that writing down a schedule on an old fadioned calendar works. Have your mom look at the days, visualize what’s already scheduled for you and for her.... and make sure you include “grocery store” “work,” “hair appointment” and “dinner out” for yourself, as well as all of HER scheduled activities such as “bath with caregiver xyz” and “hair washing with caregiver.” If she sees that you are unavailable for a large part of the day, she might agree to go about her own personal care routine a different way. If she guilts you into feeling bad, just refer her to the calendar and ask her “when do you see that I am free?” She can’t put up a fuss if there are no available time slots in the day....I’ve used different colored pens to show my activities and dad’s things, too!
He looks at what’s coming up and respects that sometimes I’m busy...
good luck- and please schedule your “breaks” for YOURSELF!!!
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Hi you say your Mom’s in hospice
take advantage of the hospice social worker or chaplain to give you support. The social worker may be able to help your mom understand that the aid is a part of a medical team ordered by the doctor to provide this service.
Also ask about the 5 night respite that hospice provides so that you can have a break
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Its ok. What you are feeling is normal. Your mom just wants the extra attention from you to feel secure as their illness causes fear, anxiety and insecurity with others. Maybe if you bathed and washed her hair a couple of times with the caregiver she may feel she is an extension of you. Yes your life does feel like its over..it is a sacrifice, some days you will be ok with it and other days you will resent her for it. Her level of dependency will increase..seek support now.
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My mother also has bathing issues. She lives alone and will not agree to a caregiver coming in to help with hygiene issues. Your statement "She gets quiet and acts like a child" is spot-on. My mother does the same, and I used to feel so guilty and dropped the subject. That is the key - not feeling guilty. My suggestion is to push past that guilty feeling and be firm on the fact that the caregiver will be the person to bathe and wash hair. It's so hard to be firm with aging parents, but I've learned to make myself be firm, take a deep breath, and swallow guilt. Prayers for you as you do your best, and kudos to you for having her live with you. I am not sure I would be able to do that.
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I totally get this and I only say I am sorry for it is a crushing moment when what we think is the right thing is probably the wrong thing for both mother and child. Take care of yourself And read what others say about not feeling guilty. I have been working on this the last 3 weeks and I feel pretty cold when I shut my mom down on the phone, but I do so as I am about to lose it. I have a lot to write here, and am doing so just to put it somewhere outside of my body and mind, so please know we don’t judge and it is therapeutic to let it out somewhere! It is amazing to read through these stories and see how similar some of them are to mine or another's.

My Mom broke her hip and while she was in the Hospital, my Dad passed away. When my mother was finally released from the hospital, she came to live with me and my husband as I knew she could not cope with being alone and the grief. Sadly, for many years before my Dad passed, he was complaining that my mother was being abusive – – yelling, being disagreeable, ranting, etc. Many times he would call me and would be in tears and I just passed it off that he was getting older and things were not so bad with her. It was not until I moved her in with us that I realized how disagreeable she had become and I also realized that I believe she had been like this most of my life, but I had chosen to ignore it and perhaps it was the reason I went far away to school and then abroad to live for many years for I needed to escape her self-centered personality. Three years on since my Dad died, she still acts like it happened last night and tries to top the story of, for example, a friend’s son dying of brain cancer by saying things like “well let me tell you about my situation.” In her world, she is the only one who has experienced loss. Since the initial six-month period when she lived with us, she has attempted to live back in her condo, also in assisted-living twice – – and I might add both of those times she called and complained almost on the hour about how much she did not like the places she had chosen – – and then came back to live with us again. It was on this go round she started. calling me during work hours with emergencies that were not emergencies, if you know what I mean, and when I tried to remedy this situation by hiring a part-time aid to come in and assist her, entertain her and do whatever while we were at work, she refused the aid and became really ugly. Over the first 2 years, I started doing poorly at work as I could not concentrate on my work. I too had moments when I would drive to the grocery store and would just stay there for hours drinking coffee as it was my only time out of the house. I eventually decided to put her back in an assisted living facility by my brother (1000 miles away) for my health was nearly gone. Where she has landed is at a facility she asked to go to each time she tried out other assisted-living places, and of course, now she is there, she hates it. My brother who of course lives only seven minutes away never seems to find a moment to go and visit, so it still falls on me to scrape the cash together and go and visit on long weekends. When I do go, she talks about how I never help her, how I’ve never been able to visit her enough when she’s been in Assisted living, how her friends think I am wrong and how miserable it was living with me and my husband. My initial plan with getting her situated by my bro and his family was to get a break after nearly 3 years and get myself back on track with my job, however, I moved her and still lost my job. When she hears this she is somewhat hopeful that now I will say, ‘oh come on back and I will take care of you full time.’ Tough call...and even if I do or don’t take her back in, it will be bad either way for she never lets anything rest. What is the answer? There is no right or wrong one, but take care of YOU first.
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I can relate.. going thru the same stuff! 4 years now! Hospice offering a week respite at a NH but mother refuses! I'm at the end of my rope as well! Thinking about just walking out with a packed bag and checking into a hotel for a week to be by MYSELF. If I don't I'm going to end up in the phyc ward at a hospital just to get AWAY from this MADNESS!
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Shell38314 Oct 2018
I too have thought about packing a bag and going to hotal for a night or two. Especially today.
I could just scream!
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WilmaDean, back in July you were making arrangements for your mother to go into a nursing home.

What happened?
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ambly02 Oct 2018
I never made arrangements for her to go into a nursing home.
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I think a lot of people start in with care giving in a crisis that somehow turns
into years of one crisis after the other. Some parents, whether from dementia
or from a long standing personality issue, demand constant attention.

You have to take care of yourself first and foremost to avoid serious burnout
and possible permanent health consequences. Not to mention disruption
of employment.

The sad fact is some parents regard their children as personal servants. Some
even use one child as unpaid servant in order to save money to lavish on others.
You have to look at your situation as it is, dementia vs childish demands,
excessive need for attention vs reasonable request. Might change from day
to day.

The harsh truth is that with demanding caregiving situations, if we're not
careful we can literally lose our lives in propping up a demanding unreasonable
and miserable person. Someone who can be cared for without losing yourself,
your health and finances, might still be miserable, but clean, fed and well cared
for and you, you can still be intact, happy and functioning.

They might not like the lack of red carpet treatment, the caregiver doing
the bathing instead of you for instance, but face facts, if you burn yourself
out trying to make them happy and doing everything, you likely will need
to contend with even more demands

I have provided care for other seniors who were gracious and grateful.
They knew they needed help and were appreciative that it was being
given. For those of us who could never please our parents growing up
or "get it right", caregiving an aging parent whose physical situation
makes endless demands of our time, provides a tempting chance to finally
"get things right this time." Dodge that carrot, do what's right for you
your family and your parent (s) . In balance with your resources, your time
your health and other demands.

They might not like it, but they probably won't like anything other than
24/7 devotion. Which is utterly unreasonable. Or, consider this, even
if you do "get it right", your parent might then proffer all of your time and
saved income to others.

Get real about your health, your mental health and what will keep your parent
well taken care of and still have you sane, healthy and happy. You deserve it
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LovieSoul Nov 2018
Well said, and so true!
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Good Bettina! Found myself on the hamster on a wheel routine awhile back, and my dear husband put a stop to it. Now I go to mom's apt once, maybe twice, if really necessary, a week and no longer shopping all the stores in town for her stuff all the time; she has paid help and help that's paid for by programs doing it now, thank God! Life is much better (I have a life now), and I don't really mind 3-5 phone calls a day, since I'm home a lot. The whole answer was establishing boundaries and hanging on to them.
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bettina Nov 2018
That's good to hear!! I think one of the hardest things about establishing
boundaries is avoiding the blatant guilt tripping and doing what's right
for everyone. One of the things that has pushed me over the edge though
is that my father has so many enablers that every boundary I establish just
gets smashed through again and again. Sometimes you just have to get them settled into care and then just step away.
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Make up a small injury that she can't see & confess to her that you have being trying to not tell in case she'd worry about you - but now you need her to have her shower/bath with the care worker until you shoulder[or back or what ever] heals - you know it won't be long but leaning/moving a certain way while helping her with the bathing has made it worse/not healing -

You'll know how to word it but that may be the simplest way & make 'appointments' with a specialist to keep up the frabrication
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ambly: I get your situation. Really, I do. How are you even coping? Praying for you.
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Could you consider telling her that the conditions for her staying in your house require the help you need from the caregiver? Even if this may not be your truth perhaps she would be made to understand that she cannot make decisions that undermine your well being. I understand your stress and hope a solution arrives.
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I just want you to know..that I completely feel for you. Can you have the caregiver come 4 x week? So your day off is yours!!! I always remember what is said on an airplane...put your oxygen mask on first then assist your child. Basically, we need to realize that if we don't take care of ourselves...we can't take care of another. I know how easy it is to give advice to someone but so hard to follow.
Gpod luck to you...sending prayers!
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