A few years ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s & Dementia. When he was first diagnosed, he was only forgetting things every so often. Over time, he started forgetting things within 5-10 minutes after saying them. It has continued on like this, where he will tell you something & then 5 minutes later he’s telling you the same thing again. Over the last week he has lost his mind & been way more forgetful.
He woke up one day, this past week, went about it daily shenanigans & then decided to ‘confess his undying love for my adopted mom’ to my grandmother (his wife), during lunch. My mom went over later that day & he told her what he said to my gram about her & his feelings. She told him how she was in a relationship, and that obviously them being together wasn’t plausible & she honestly thought he was joking. The next day, my gram ended up in the hospital due to her pancreatitis.
Fast forward to the past couple days; I call the house to check on him, make sure he’s doing okay, and ask if he needs me to bring anything over. He reassures me that he’s okay & so on, then tells me about what happened between him, my mom & my gram. I, like my mom, thought he was joking. I told him that was gross & such. He says “I’m being serious, I’ve never felt like this before!” and goes on.
Yesterday while my gram was in the hospital, an incident happened where she ended up in the ICU. We didn’t know about it, until not that long ago. I called my grandfather to update him on the situation with my gram & he simply did not care & he made that known. He told me “she needs to come home asap because she needs to look after the house when he leaves.” When I asked where he was going he said “I’m leaving gram. I don’t love her like I used to.” And proceeds on to say that he thinks him and my mom are gonna run off into the sunset & so on. He has also felt this way towards the nurses he sees when he gets his phlebotomy’s done & a lady down the street from them.
Keep in mind; my grandparents have been married for around 40+ years, 4 beautiful children, 10 amazing grandchildren, and have never talked about divorced let alone separating. My grandmother is the one who pays the bills for their house, makes their appointments, does the grocery shopping, etc. My grandfather knows only how to operate the tv remote so he can watch NASCAR.
I’m wondering exactly what I should do. I am losing my mind. I’m a college student, work part-time & also try my best to do everything I possibly can for them. My gram, mom & I think that it’s his Alzheimer’s getting worse or acting up, but not sure. He doesn’t want to talk to his doctor, let alone like going to the hospital at all. He has had a few heart attacks & strokes, along with a triple bypass open heart surgery almost 5 years ago.
Is there someone I should be reaching out to? Should I try to call his doctor & inform him about whats going on? Should I trick him & say we’re going for ice cream, but bring him to the hospital to be evaluated? Is there a series of questions I can ask him to see how he is? Is this something we should worry about? Should my mom stay away from the house until these feelings go away or transfer to someone else? Will they ever go away?
Thank you so much in advance!
Pay attention to your life, get your education, you are in way over your head.
It may be time for your grandfather to be put into memory care is hs dementia and delusions have gotten to the point where he has no touch with reality.
Living on the outside and being allowed to come and go can be very dangerous for a person with Alzheimer's/dementia.
It's time for your family to decide where grandpa is going to live and to start looking at memory care facilities and assisted livings.
Step back and away. We have seen numerous times on this forum where grandchildren become the 24/7/365 caregiving slaves to their grandparents, because the generation before them lets it happen.
Your GF is NOT going to run off with your mother, because she won’t be going with him. It’s up to her to work out how to respond if he suggests it to her direct.
Whether he pulls his weight around the house is really your GM’s issue. If she wants to wait on him while he watches TV, it’s her decision. If you and your M want to help her, that’s your decision too. Your help props up the ‘King of the World’, and that’s probably not such a great idea.
You can tell the doctor, probably in a letter unless you make an appointment. The doctor won’t be able to discuss it with you, because of privacy requirements, but it can do no harm to let the doctor know what is going on. Probably it would make more sense for M and GM together to contact the doctor, not you.
Don’t feel that it is your responsibility to sort out the problems of M, GM and GP. It isn’t. Rethink “I try my best to do everything I possibly can for them”, and get on with your own life.
I hope that you can get more advice from other posters. Yours, Margaret
This problem is not on your plate. Let the folks whose concern this is deal with it. Or not. Concentrate on school.
This is neither your place nor your concern. Your concern now it to get on with your own life. Your grandfather's children will have to handle this. In their absence of refusal APS should be called regarding a senior at risk and you will have to give them the names of the children. If none wish to be in any way responsible then grandfather will become a ward of the state in the absence of a wife you can care for him, and it sounds a though that has happened.
Do NOT enable all this. Do NOT participate in all of this. It is your time now to make your own life. Do not get involved in the end of your grandparents' lives. That is for their CHILDREN to handle is they are able, and the state to handle if the children cannot.
You may not like this, but you really should pull back. You are much too young to be so involved in caring for him. Your grandma first, then their kids. If they need extra help, then they might need to hire someone.
I would ask mom to find out about putting him on some meds to control his behavior a little bit.
The phrase 'Stay in your lane' comes to mind. I don't mean to be blunt, but you state your Grandfather has Alzheimer's Disease. This is a type of dementia (the most common type). Symptoms will vary but short term memory is often a first major sign.
Longer term memory becomes effected too, mood also. It is a brain disease. Delusions & hallucinations come with it.
I would raise these memory/mood issues with whoever has authority eg his POA. Is that your Mom?
Alz is progressive. He will be losing independance & need more & more supervision, then assistance, then tasks done for him.
His wife (if she becomes well enough) is the one to arrange his care. If not, your Grandfather's POA can.