I discovered by accident the other day that there is a 50 year old man from India living with my 87 year old mother. Mom, who lives in California just visited my house in North Carolina over Christmas and kept secret from me the fact that this man was living in her house. Until I discovered the other night when I called my mother heard a man in the room. Now she tells me that a 50 year old man moved in with her 3 months after my father died at 92 in April 2021. This man has been living with her since July secretly, helping her with "things". And my mother refuses to tell me 1) His Name. 2) Provide Identification... and 3) what her plans are with him for the future. So I am left with an unknown man living with my 87 year old mother and now the situation has estranged me from my mom. I am about to call the local Sheriffs Dept or FBI Elder abuse to find out who is living in my 87 year old mother's house 3000 miles away. I am very concerned that she has lied about it. -She was just in my house over Christmas and mentioned nothing about this unknown person. When my wife and I brought it to her attention tonight, Mom became very defensive and hostile. She refused to provide this man's name. As of this moment there is an unknown man from overseas, approx 50 years old living with my 87 year old recently widowed mother. I have no idea who he is. -And she is verbally abusive and hostile to anything I say about it. I'm about to call the local Sheriffs Dept and FBI Elder Abuse hotline. What should I do?
OP however has posted nothing; not even thanks for the concern from many people here.
i think OP invented the story.
it's fake.
it's like trying to create a suspense story, and get people hooked on what happens next.
a real person of course flies over to the parent, to get this stranger out.
a real person doesn't waste time on forums about such an issue. they act right away, call the police, neighbours, etc.
Advice that says this is 'none of your business' is absurd, imo. This is your elderly mother we're talking about and to say it's none of your business is leaving her to possibly *and probably* be grossly taken advantage of here. God knows what the details are of this situation, and how a 50 year old man convinced her to take him in, but I seriously doubt he has good intentions or is 'helping her' in any way without expecting something in return. Maybe in the fantasy Disney movies things work out that way, but in real life in 2022 in California, I doubt it. A lot.
If this is a true story/post, and if this was my mother, I'd have been on a plane at hearing the first word about this.
It's also odd that she's very hostile towards you when you ask questions about this man's identity. What is she trying to hide? If he's a friend, and someone who's genuinely helping her with things around the house, why is she so secretive? That's my question.
Go find out for yourself and don't rely on anyone else to do your homework for you.
Good luck and do come back to let us know what happened.
Mon is 92 and looks every second of it, yet she is convinced that every single man she meets 'wants her'.
I think it's great that she has a good self image, despite what the mirror shows--but if she suddenly had a 50 yo man living with her, that would be of serious concern.
Is there a friend or neighbor you can call? I hate to sound unkind, b/c maybe this guy is really a great guy (I doubt it, as do you, right?) but you need to protect mom.
Best would be boots on the ground--going there and seeing for yourself.
This is a new one on all of us--I hope you'll come back and let us know how it goes.
I'm assuming that you have no access to her accounts, to determine if funds are being withdrawn?
Do you know any of the neighbors who could provide you with information on this man, assuming that he interacts with them? Or perhaps discreetly take a photo of him so that facial recognition could be used by law enforcement to identify him?
When she visited you, did she mention whether neighbors were getting her mail? That would be one method of determining his name.
I certainly would contact the local police and/or sheriff, as well as the local agency that makes welfare checks. Perhaps some attention from the local LEOs might prompt him to reconsider whatever his plan is, as I have a strong suspicion that he does have one, and it's to benefit him and him only.
The fact that your mother has been secretive and gets hostile indicates she is not 100% competent, or she's being exploited or threatened. The timing in particular is extremely concerning.
Contact her bank and any other financial institutions as well to alert them, although I'm not sure what you can do without POA. Nevertheless, it puts her on their radar that something might not be kosher.
You are correct to be concerned.
Call APS for your mother's area, explain that you're concerned about her living situation given that she is a vulnerable adult and ask them to visit her for a welfare check.
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