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Kristine, you are in the middle of a truly hard struggle. Tell your father that you need extra help in order to care for him. Ask family, friends, members of your faith community... (free help) for assistance with home, yard, meals, transportation, and watching dad. If you do not have enough help to cover your work times, then hire the help and make dad pay for it.
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mastiffmama: Perhaps he can hopefully be convinced that he must spend some of his money for his care if he realizes that he is about to make you ill if he continues this attitude.
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Hi Kristine, I just had to share, I know exactly how you feel and you are not alone. I am caring for my mother who has an apartment in my home. I have a brother and sister who live within 20 minutes - all I asked them is for help until we get an aid. Some type of schedule so I know I don't need to worry on Monday for dinner, or Friday for lunch and the result - we aren't speaking to each other. Not to mention the countless phone calls with Medicaid, getting long term home health care approval, pooled trust, on and on and on. Like you, there are days where I feel terrible for my mother, she is 90 and so weak and all I want to do is help, but then I am so angry at her because everything is falling on me and she has no idea. It's affecting me the same way, my relationship with my husband, my job - I have no desire to see anyone. Please know you are not alone!
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Kristine, what did the new scans show?
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I like the response someone made to your post that is basically the “rainy day” approach:
Dad, you’ve done a great job saving for a rainy day and being responsible with your money. Now we need to use some of it for you and your needs because that is what it is for. We will only use what we need to keep you safe and well and not a dime more, but I need you to help me help you. I am on your side and will be like a sentinel to watch and help you with what you need. I need your cooperation to make us a team to manage the rainy days that you saved for.

Maybe a little Pollyanna I know. In the end you will have to use whatever resources and powers you have to do what you have to do.
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You are not alone in your sentiments. It is HARD! We are in a very similar situation, so I'm glad to read the comments.
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I have not read any responses yet, but want to point out that you not being able to go to work does not mean the care you provide is free. It is costing you your current income, could jeopardize health benefits, reduces your retirement and impacts your quality of life.
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Dealing with a terminal, stubborn patient is not for amateurs. You're not the best help. Place him in a group care facility.
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Even in the end, people cling to their money even though it is not going to save them and they can't take it with them. It is overwhelming to accept and deal with the loss at the same time that you are managing the care. I get it and I am so sorry you are going through this Kristine. Your dad is probably scared and trying to control the only thing he can right now and that appears to be his money. I know telling you this doesn't help anything. Can you get him set up with hospice? I would think that everything would be covered. If you don't think he would agree to "hospice", i've heard it called "comfort care". Sometimes that verbiage is less scary and he might agree to that.... Can you have a come to Jesus conversation with him and just tell him "dad I need help". Would that hit his paternal heart strings enough to be compliant? Worth a try. If he still won't budge, let him know he will need to go to a facility. That might get his attention.
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