Hi all! My name is Kristine. I just found your group searching for caregiver support. I am 51 years old taking care of my-74-year old father who has stage 4 cancer. We have been dealing with this for the last 2 years however the last few months have been brutal. He is declining fast and can no longer be left alone at all. I was able to at least go to work for a few times a week but he has had 3 bad falls in the last 5 days so that is no longer an option. He needs someone around 24/7. He can no longer get up without assistance etc. I am trying to get home health care to come and help through his VA benefits. He will only agree to it if it is free (even though he has the money to hire someone). He is the cheapest most stubborn man you will ever meet. Don't get me wrong. I love him dearly but I am really struggling. It is only me. I have 2 brothers but one lives in CA (we are in OH) and the other is MIA. I describe this journey as the worst roller coaster ride you can never get off of. One minute I am sobbing and so sad because I know I am losing my father. The next I am enraged that we are in this situation and angry with him because he is the worst patient. Then I am wracked with guilt for being such an a**hole. I am constantly depressed and anxious. It is affecting my job, health and personal life. I feel defeated with no end in sight except that I will eventually and probably sooner rather than later, lose him. And that is a whole other anguish and grief process.
Thanks for reading my rant. I send my love to all of you just trying to get by day to day.
Kristine
Dad, you’ve done a great job saving for a rainy day and being responsible with your money. Now we need to use some of it for you and your needs because that is what it is for. We will only use what we need to keep you safe and well and not a dime more, but I need you to help me help you. I am on your side and will be like a sentinel to watch and help you with what you need. I need your cooperation to make us a team to manage the rainy days that you saved for.
Maybe a little Pollyanna I know. In the end you will have to use whatever resources and powers you have to do what you have to do.