My mom is 67 and has reached the point she can no longer go to the bathroom anymore, she can't stand up, she just got out of the hospital then to make matters even worse she tested positive for COVID-19 and she's at home with me. I'm vaccinated but if I get COVID-19 I'm going to be stressed and depressed even further...
I have little money no money for sending her to a home today the doctor told me that if I want to send her to a state controlled nursing home they would garnish all her assets, take all her stuff, and seize all her money wish I desperately need to survive, in order to pay for the nursing home.
I would be homeless, injured from the military with no job, I'm on food stamps, and yeah, need help please
If she does qualify, she will go into a facility that has a bed for her, hoping there aren't too many waiting lists. Medicaid is run by each state, so specific rules will vary base on where she lives. All but about $200-ish of her social security will go towards her LTC (that's how much it is in my state). Medicaid will put a lien on the house that will come up when it goes on sale, they won't "seize" it. They won't "take all her stuff" (they don't care about furniture, jewelry, pots and pans, etc, or her car). They don't "seize all her money" but there is a spend-down of her assets in order for her to qualify.
You can talk to social services about the living arrangement, as it is your legal residence, to find out what the state policy is on that. You have horrible-ized this situation in your mind and it's not that bad -- and it's your ONLY solution. You need to get your mom situated so that you can spend your energies helping yourself. FYI if she wants and needs help she can assign you as her PoA, but you will need to download the paperwork for her state and have it signed and notarized per her state's rules. Without this the county will likely need to become her legal guardian once she cognitively can no longer sign such paperwork.
Please talk to social services so that you get accurate information and can stop panicking over it. I wish you peace in your heart!
2. You need to apply for VA benefits
3. Get your mom's Medicaid application started immediately. Call your county social services department or the department on aging and ask for their help in getting mom placed.
4. Find a new doctor for mom.
I can understand how terrifying it must be to learn that what you considered “yours” may legally be only “hers”, but in your panic, you may be reacting to “facts not in evidence.
Take a deep breath, put a piece of paper and a pencil on the table, and start making a list of potential “experts” who can offer you counseling and support for yourself, as well as recommendations for the best care possible available to your mother.
Unless your mother's wildly devoted to “the doctor” and willing to comply with “the doctor” in terms of her medical advice, I’d put “the doctor” REALLY LOW on your list of helpful experts, or maybe skip “the doctor” altogether.
SO- local Salvation Army? Local community welfare board? Local House of Worship? Local office of Legal Aid?
On a second sheet of paper write down facts about what your mother owns solely in HER NAME, any property you and she hold jointly, and any resources, if there are any AT ALL, that are solely yours.
When you are contacting an “expert”, avoid comments that reflect your desperate dependence on your mother’s finances. They do not further your position, and they DO portray you as being self serving.
If you get yourself connected to a compassionate and objective source of help, be open to potential solutions, even if they don’t seem “perfect”.
Get to work. Your situation is very difficult and it is very troubling for you, but you will feel better when you get some FACTUAL ADVICE under your belt.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Talk to them be honest about your situation. Or contact an elder law attorney. They will often provide you with a free consult.
Doctors normally know nothing about how payment for nursing home works. If the doc actually said these things, check to see if that is actual reality. Maybe doc was just too lazy to work on a facility for mom to rehab?
Unless you are wearing N95 mask & your infection control knowledge is medical level, you do have high risk of catching it but as vaccinated hopefully v mildly or no symptoms.
Get Mom safe.
Then find professionals (in person) to help you both. Hospital Social Worker is a good start.
Contact your case worker.
I've known of several men in your position, under or unemployed, who stay with an elder as they see it as their "only option" for their survival.
One died at 55.
One went homeless after the sibs stepped in and removed Mom.
The most "successful" one did get inheritance, but by then he had been an addict for decades.
I do not think you should do this. Rather, you should direct the hospital the next time she gets admitted--and she will--to look for an appropriate rehab. Medicare will pay for at least 21 days for this. And if they can't do anything, then the ethical thing to do is to arrange for LTC before these scenarios happen to you.
Medicaid in my State takes about 90 days. With my Mom I applied in April. Mom had 20k so I placed her in LTC May 1st. This gave me time to get all the info together that Medicaid needed and to spend her down which the 20k helped. She paid May and June. June I confirmed the caseworker had everything he needed and Medicaid started July 1st.
Yes once on Medicaid, Moms Social Security and any pension will need to go toward her care. This has nothing to do with being state run. Any LTC facility allowing Medicaid will require her SS and any pension. Her assets will need to be spent down to the asset cap for your state. Any insurance policies with cash in value need to be cashed in. They can be used, as can any money she has, to prepay her funeral. There are some retirement accts that are exempt. As is her house and one car. The problem with the house is there will be no money for the bills and upkeep. So you may have to sell it at Market Price and the proceeds used for her care.
I suggest you call your Office of Aging to see what kind of help you can get. I know this all sounds overwhelming but not so much when you take one thing at a time. If you feel you need a lawyer, you can use Moms money.
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