My father currently lives in Chelsea, MA in a project based section 8 apartment. He has lived there for almost 10 years. The past few years he has been in court with his landlords. He has faced eviction several times., but managed to resolve issues until this year when I was made aware of his situation (I'm his son who lives in NY with not the best relationship with him - no other siblings or relatives can deal with this situation). I was able to to get involved in his court most recent eviction court case about a year ago where at that point it involved hoarding stuff in his apartment and cleaning issues. Meanwhile, there were still extreme behavioral issues (he bothers the staff excessively, rude/inappropriate behavior, police would be called, gets in arguments with other tenants). He has signed 3 different agreements with his landlords since I got involved, but now he has violated the final agreement which would have bought him more time. (this most recent agreement was that he he needed to leave his apartment by the end of December, but could be extended into March if he behaved himself which he is not). My father simply doesn't believe he is going to be evicted. Based on his behavior, income and independence level it is impossible for me to find housing for him although I have been searching and filing out applications (part of court order that will help buy him time) for places that he simply can't go to. He was formerly a doctor (hasn't practiced medicine in 35 years) and, believe it or not, has no money or assets. Just gets social security. He still drives even though he shouldn't, smokes and isn't in great health. Incredibly smart person, but clearly exhibits aggressive mental illness (early stages of demential mixed with undiagnosed bipolar/manic behavior). Refuses medication, but I am trying to get him to get a psych evaluation through which has been near impossible. I've contacted both nursing homes and independent living facilities and due to his income, severe behavioral issues and the emergent time element (eviction looming) he may literally be homeless. I have tried to make my father aware that what he has done is going to make him homeless. I know he is aware that he has messed up, but his mental illness has created this severe denial to the point that he won't truly acknowledge this until it's too late. He currently lives in the Boston area. Any help/resources would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much for the much needed extra support!
APS can do the first steps that needs to happen to get him placement.
Personally I’d suggest that you speak with property management and tell them you are completely stepping back from trying to convince your Dad to behave and stepping back from getting him any more extensions / delays and that you want APS to intervene. And maybe also tell them that you now realize your filing all that legal stuff to get him to remain was in retrospect a terrible decision on your part.
A good senior housing complex has dealt with this type of situation before. If it’s not the APS route, they will have another option to get him 86’d, like call EMS to come and take him to the ER/ED as it (ahem!) looks like he has had a TIA. Although as a doctor, he will be a total beast about it.
& fwiw I do so understand his having low SSA retirement income. It’s really a common problem for solo or small practice professionals. As they can write off so much or do a pass thru if biz is set up as an Inc. or a LLC, so that they actually don’t have that much personal reportable income paid into their FICA. Also an issue for artists or others more off the grid in work history. It can downstream into a serious issue in that some actually do NOT have enough “eligible working quarters” (40) to be able to get their Part A Medicare for free but end up having the permanent monthly premiums of either $278 or $506 that has to be paid to get Medicare Part A. As Medicare Part A pays for hospice, this can become a huge problem at a most difficult period in their life.
Check out NAMI. namimass.org is their website.
My oldest brother (deceased since 2013) had several issues. He was in a senior apartment building and became homeless for awhile.
I gave my brother information on NAMI National Alliance for Mental Illness in our area. I stepped away due to his inability to manage well.
You can’t force him to listen to you. You can try to guide him if he is willing to listen. That’s about it.
So sorry that you are going through this. Take care of yourself. We can only do so much before all of our time and energy is depleted.
Wishing you and your family all the best.
My sister has been homeless for 27 years. There have been times my parents have moved her back into their house and each time she has either left or been asked to leave because of her behavioral issues and refusal to take medication.
My parents have cosigned on many apartments for her. But she always finds a reason why this or that is not good or she just takes off and leaves.
She has lived in homeless shelters for almost 30 years now and even for a few years graduated up to independent living in her own apartment but nothing ever lasts. She is now currently living in a homeless shelter in Virginia and it is really hard to know she is living this way and there is nothing anyone in our family can do to help her.
I would like to say that there is a bottom but when it comes to mental illness unfortunately there is many times no bottom, just different levels of hell for your loved one and the family and friends left to watch and worry.
Here are some resources for your father and you:
Emergency housing in MA
If you are at risk of losing your home, contact the Department of Housing and Community Development's Emergency Housing Assistance Programs. To apply for Emergency Assistance and speak with a Homeless Coordinator, please call 866-584-0653.
Safe Havens in Massachusetts
https://www.mamh.org/safehavens
I will refer you to an excellent memoir by Liz Scheier called Never Simple. Ms. S. tried for decades to help to manage her mentally challenged mother. She had great knowledge and the intervention of the entire social services of the city and state of New York, but this came near to ruining her life, and had no positive effect for her mother as well.
Some things can't be fixed. I suspect your Dad is very sadly one of those things.
I would never intervene in his care, care choices, living choices. This doesn't necessarily mean I would not contact, visit, offer him love, but it does mean I would make no attempts to help manage him or his care.
I wish you well and I am very sorry, both for you and for your Dad. You are not alone as you will see if you stay on the Forum.
If you are not his PoA, he has no PoA and refuses to assign a PoA, then you have no real power to help him. Call APS to report him as a vulnerable adult. When things get "bad enough" they will acquire guardianship for him and then will manage all his decisions and affairs. You being involved just delays a solution for him.
You can pursue guardianship for him but he is so so resistant I think you will be the one left with a mental problem in the end from trying to wrangle this man into cooperating.
DO NOT be tempted to have him live with you, for any amount of time, for any reason. NO. DO NOT.
I wish you peace in your heart on this emotional journey.
You are powerless in this situation. Only "the authorities" can force placement.
Frankly, the longer you stay involved, the less chance there is that he will get the help he needs