My mom is 90 years old and lives with me. She is barely mobile due to a bad knee and she also has vascular dementia. She has gained a good deal of weight over the past several years. Her doctor has told me that she would benefit from losing weight but he hasn't told her that. She eats more sweets and carbs than ever before. I feel as though her dementia impacts her ability to monitor her intake. I prepare all of her meals and feel guilty when I limit her choices. Over the holidays she received gifts of sweets which she hoards and I feel as though I can't take them away from her. She doesn't have that much pleasure in her life and so I am conflicted about depriving her of the foods that she likes while then feeling guilty that I am contributing to her bad habits. Ugh. I could use some help. Any thoughts?
My mom has Alzheimer's/ Dementia and is diabetic. She has gained nearly 30 lbs and her sugar level has elevated to the 300 mark. She likes crackers, bread, peanut butter, wine, and peanut M&Ms.
At first, I didn't want to limit her pleasure, but doing nothing wasn't helping either. So I did something extreme - but it worked- you can't eat what you can't find.
I utilized a food cooler we used for picnics, found space in my closet, and dumped every possible starchy product and sweets she loved into it. I cleaned out the fridge of those items - so when she went into cabinets and the fridge, it wasn't there.
I then put out smaller "sweets" she could eat daily- a bagel in the fridge in a sandwich bag, cheese snacks, a package of cheese crackers. Then I added healthier snacks - chunky apple sauce, yogurt for digestion.
I feel your pain; but think of limiting access to food in the house as an act of helping her eat in moderation and not limiting her pleasure. You're not taking food "away" - you're limiting her ability to eat it all in one stroke.
When we first started this approach in the house, she wasn't happy and ransacked the house for what she "wanted" to eat - and I assume she is going to do the same thing- you're taking away her sweets - but eventually, she settled into the routine we put into motion - because she didn't know where all the food was - and she wasn't starving.
If you do this approach; hold your ground- just like as kids we wanted sweets 24/7, our parents didn't give in to every desire we had; especially when we threw a tantrum. This is what's happening in reverse - minus the temper tantrum. When my mom demanded where her "stuff" was, I simply stated, "You ate it, right?" In most cases of diabetics that can't control their sugar, she ate it the minute you set it on the table (like my Mom did at first.)
The second thing I noticed is that she is not just eating out of boredom, she was eating because the starch she was eating was satisfying in the mouth (a "mouth feel)." She wasn't gaining any pleasure in eating it - so she ate more. So when I set out chunky apple sauce (in my case, homemade so I wasn't adding sugar to her diet), her cravings started to change.
You can start portioning it out her sweets in smaller amounts - and if it's gone and she wants more, tell her "i'll see if I can get more tomorrow" and put some out the following day is an approach I did with my Mom.
The end result is that I had to get past my guilt factor and not play a part in compromising her health. I didn't want to hurt her choices. I suggest you limit - not eliminate, and in my mother's case- her sugar level went from 330 to 150. That's the direct result from hiding her go-to starchy snacks and doling out smaller portions of sweets.
Best of luck!!!
What did the doctor say would be the beneficial impact of weight loss for mom? Better mobility? Is she diabetic? Better heart/lung function?
I would weigh your mom's quality of life carefully against generic weight loss. As you say, she has few pleasures left in life.
Is she seeing a geriatrics doctor?
A little more activity could help her mobility - has she been offered PT? There are some good chair exercises for seniors videos available online.
I noticed years ago that those with some type a mental challenges, Dementia, and ALZ tend to love the sweets. I was talking about this while eating out. The woman next to my table said "Its instant gradification". The elderly tend to lose the ability to taste. Sweets they can taste.
I see no problem in a treat . Mom did this with my Dad. She allowed him a serving of MM peanuts every night. They never raised his sugar levels.
In moderation. At 90 I wouldn't put her on a strict diet. Just cut back. Like said, she should be allowed something she loves.
Just a heads up if you don't know already. Sugar free candies have a sweetner in them that can cause diarrhea. Happened with my Dad.
At 90? Let your mother eat what she wants. I was most fortunate that DH's doctors all said to let him have whatever he wanted when he hit 90.
Processed foods and sweets also trigger the reward systems in the brain. That's why we call them "comfort foods".
I don't know if you bake, but if you do, you can add fat, protein and fiber to baked goods. These foods will help to trigger satiety hormones and your mom might eat less of them. There are really good recipe for brownies made with black beans and chocolate muffins made with yams and eggs. You can't eat more than two. You just can't. They don't sound terribly appealing, but really, all you taste is chocolate.
I agree with the advice not to put a 90 year old on a very restrictive diet. But if you can tweak what she's eating and include more fat, protein and fiber, you might find she is gorging less on the sweets. It's worth a try, anyway.
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