In Aug. I will be going on a retreat, and my husband is not able to take care of her. If I told her in advance, she will resist even leaving the house, or she will not remember 10 minutes after I tell her. She has extreme fear about being left somewhere, as she was the youngest and last of 5 children in her family to be placed or adopted. Would it help to take her 2 days ahead (if a bed is available nearby) and stay for awhile, and visit before I go? It is going to happen, because I need it, but I'd like to lessen the trauma.
Yes to the moecam idea. I recently asked both of my kids to send mom a card, letter, pictures (one has the great-grandchild, the other has the mini-doxies) once/month to liven up things (all her generation are gone, her "friends" are either gone or too old to drive to visit, one brother is not local, the other is still working, so she gets me - and I get 'Oh what're you doing here? Where'd you come from?'
If at all possible, could she go for a short time, say 2 days only, before your retreat and then again the next week, and so on, so she gets used to her own mini-vaca/retreat? See how she does with the short stays beforehand. You don't indicate how long your retreat is - if it is a week or less, you might only need 1-2 of these little visits before the real thing. Use it as a test run, so you can see how things go when you are still available in case she tweaks...
The home gave them to her every few days so that was her 'visit' for that day - she enjoyed this a lot at her then level of dementia so do this if you can - I put in several mini [Hallowe'en] chocolate bars in the packages so it doesn't have to be a big item [I couldn't send them through mail in summer anyway] but something she loves
Enjoy your retreat!