i need time for me, mom won't go along with respite (dr. suggested location). Mom wants inappropriate relatives instead. These people are not dependable, that's why we'd like two weeks of year for her in respite so we can take vacation to see our kids in another state. We live in FL winters. Mom has her place we have ours. We bought our condo so we could be nearby. I don't mind having her in FL and part of summer, but not all the time. We take care of all her needs, including being at her place overnight when ill, afraid, etc. We drive her everywhere all the time. For summers we care for mom in our home. Her health is failing, she is becoming difficult and demanding. My sister is poa and exec of the estate and will not take care of mom. I'm getting angry that I care for her and she won't help be for two weeks by going into respite so I can have a decent respite for me. We are arguing, I finally told her to shut up! I don't deserve her carrying on about her wishes that won't work and will ruin our plans when her people back out (This has happened before a number of times). My husband has interceded for me so at least I have that. My sister,POA and exec, has been a real jerk. I want to know if I can put mom into respite without mom or sisters input. Sister will not take her, mom doesn't want to go.
In my opinion, making hard decisions is the responsibility of the Health POA holder. It is also the responsibility of the family to assist and support where ever possible. It sounds like you are doing more than your share of caregiving right now. Your sister needs a reality check and telling her the dates you will be gone and actually leaving sounds like the wake up call she needs. If you are the person that is reluctant to see Mom in permanent assisted living/dementia care perhaps you need to support your sister with that decision. In my experience, people with dementia are unable to think so far ahead as to consider the impact of their decisions and immediate desires on their loved ones. The person stricken with dementia is often so involved with their own woes and ills they really cannot make good decisions with respect to their own care and balance that care against the welfare of others. Again, that is the disease, not your mother.
Blessings
My mom just passed away on Friday. I am an only child and got little to no respite. You must at all cost take respite. You have your husband for support. Think of being on an airplane where they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before you try to assist others. Any opportunity you get for respite you must take at all cost. If not, it is only to your detriment.
Please, take care of yourself, and helpful responses raised valid points. Folks only do to you what you allow.
Blessing and hugs...