Stating she can’t see and they might let her fall. She don’t try to do nothing for herself. I told her several times that she can run her water and get in the tub and bath herself without waiting for me to do it. She don’t even want to dry herself off when she gets out of the tub and lotion herself down.. she wants me to do it. She is so negative all the time, talks about me to my two sisters who don’t do nothing for her and never did. They are both nurses. One moved to Florida and the other one lives about 20 minutes away. I am the one stuck with her. I have a 14 yr old daughter I adopted that has a weight issue I am trying to deal with and get her healthy. I went through breast cancer last year and I am still trying to get myself together after that without any help from my siblings. I am tired of taking care of my mother and need a break. I don’t want to put her in a nursing home because she worked in one a majority of her life and these nursing home are horrible. She tells my sister’s she would go to one but tells me she don’t want to go to one because she can’t see and she has a difficult time walking. My sister’s only think of themselves and their families. My mom is always them and I am tired of it. I am emotionally and physically drained. Sister’s always traveling and enjoying their lives while my daughter and I are stuck here with my mom or dragging her negative behind with us. Always complaining and talking about the same thing over and over. I know I am all over the place, just venting. I have been helping my mom all of my life, she raised us as a single parent.
Are you able to talk sensibly with your mom and have her explain what she fears? Then do very much like the other answerer BuzzyBee suggested. Ease mom into the activities she fears.
I’m pretty introspective about my own behavior so I can identify and work on my fears. I was never fearful in my life until I found myself disabled (a problem with the lower back with collapsed lumbar vertebrae, bone on bone, and severe adult scoliosis). My daughter urges me to do what I fear so I can’t procrastinate.
I think the gradual ‘therapy’ with your mom could help the situation because even those with dementia can adopt a routine such as the bathing idea mentioned by BuzzyBee.
Not knowing your financial situation I’d suggest you talk to your sisters about financial help to hire a caregiver to stay with mom. They owe that to you since you have taken on the hands-on caregiving. You and your daughter need a break. Don’t allow your mom’s fears to rob your daughter of her normal growing up time!!
Good luck!
The bath for instance.
Stand with her while she fills it (not too high -as it will rise when she gets in.)
Get her to check the temperature. - Like we for with babies.
Make sure that the soap, sponge, flannel etc, are in the right places using.
As for getting out, a non-slip bath mat is essential.
Now run though all of this with a dry EMPTY bath.
Prove to her she is NOT useless. That she is capable. Praise her for everything she gets right.
Same procedure goes for all activities.
Lay things out simply. Crackers, spread, sliced cheese. Always kept is the same places in the fridge/cupboard.
Head phones, small ones, so she can just pop them in to listen to a book or music, if she feels scared or out of place.
Day centre. Make arrangement to go with her for a few days and STAY.
Gradually leave a little early, go back to pick her up at the correct times.
Enjoy the meals, talk to the people. Explain to your mum that THEY need her company, because they are lonely.
I think your mum may be scared. So it is all about training, learning and compromise.
Good luck
Buzzy