I have posted here before and gotten some wonderful support. I am my husband's caregiver. He had a stroke 1 1/2 years ago and his diabetes is worse. He has lost some toes and is about to lose more, he lost hearing in one ear and is losing his eyesight. Thanks.
You cannot live your husband's life for him. Start planning to give yourself regular periods of respite. And if you determine that you need more than respite care, that's perfectly alright! Asking professionals to take over permanently may be the healthiest decision for both of you.
Make sure to set limits with your husband right now so you don’t get sucked down the vortex he is creating.
Accepting the truth of your situation is a HUGE step in dealing with the stress of having a sick LO.
My own DH, though in fair health, has put me through the wringer over the past 12 years with numerous health issues--any one of which could have/should have been life ending. My hardest "thing" is that he does NOT appreciate me and my efforts. He can still work FT, thank GOODNESS--but retirement looms and he says he plans to "sleep the rest of his life"...as he has shown, he can indeed sleep for 2-3 days only getting up to eat something, then back to bed. Drives me batty!
I think you could look into some day respite care. Something to take you away. You don't speak to your husband's age or general physical capabilities, (and I am too lazy to go look up your profile)...does he have friends who would come stay with him? Family? It's so important that you get out and away from the day to day. Don't learn the hard way--which is by melting down and needing help yourself!
It's a rough journey we're all on. We HAVE to take care of ourselves or we're of no use to anyone else.
{{Hugs}}
I hope you can find some answers and help.
Find someone to stay with him while you take a break, have a long soak in the bath, read, go on a walk. Overnight to get some sleep. Self care, the things that will do you good.
How mentally stable is he? How much can he do himself? That impacts what aids can be found and utilize different - and don’t let him state he doesn’t need them. Speak up loudly that they are needed because you can’t do it all.
My husband was diabetic, had a stroke that left him with dementia. He kept refusing all aid and care, I went to my doctor eventually because I was going crazy and nothing could be done for me because it was his issue and had to be done for him. (I had our three middle school age children at home too).
I was burnt out for over a year after he passed on. You have my sympathy.
( activities of daily living)? being left up to you to do in addition to your own? He may need to be where more care is offered by PROFESSIONAL STAFF MEMBERS such as nurse . we show our LOVE to our elderly family members by seeing that care is provided. Period. If that means having him cared for by someone othrr than yourself, then that is what we do for family. Love him enough to admit this is beyond your ability. Its ok. You van still be actively a part of every aspect
I can't stand my mother (whom I used to love.)
I can't stand her telling me the same damn things 20 times a day, everyday, for the last 2 years.
I can't stand her following me around and wanting to go wherever I go.
I hate not having any privacy in my own home.
I hate not being able to go where I want when I want because she can't be left alone.
I hate her asking me to take her out countless times a day starting first thing in the morning, And I do take her out twice a day.
I hate the stress she creates in my home.
I hate the burden she is putting on me.
I hate that she is stressing my children out. They used to love her, now they can't stand her.
I hate not being able to go out to dinner with my husband and children or just go out with friends. I do try, but I have to arrange and pay for a sitter to be with her.
I hate that my family hasn't had a vacation for 3 years now because of her.
I am burned out. I yearn for the day when this burden is over.
What do I do to cope?
I pay someones to some stay with her or take her out a few times a week so that
I can take my kids out. If I could afford to have someone take her out everyday, I would.
I lock my bedroom door when I don't want to deal with her.
I checked out 2 adult daycare centers to see if she would agree to attend a few days a week for a few hours each day, but no go. She didn't want to, and both daycare centers didn't want her. She is too restless and will try to leave the daycare center. This would have been good if it worked out, but unfortunately, it didn't.
My brother comes once a week for a few hours, and I leave for a break.
The best support I have to cope with my demented mother is to come to the AgingCare.com forum to vent and read what others are going through.
I used to feel so alone and lost when I first started being her caregiver, now I know there are others who understand and are in similar situation. I am so glad they are here. They have given me a lot of support and understanding. And I try to do the same.
Dawn, do stick around and be part of this community. We are here for each other.