Hi. My family has been dealing with multiple health issues with both our mom and dad for several years now. They still live in the same 2 story house they bought in 1994. My husband and I have wanted them to move for years knowing that at some point their health problems would make climbing up and down the stairs an issue. Well that day has finally arrived. My father has Parkinson's disease (diagnosed about 8 years ago), cancer in his spine (this was discovered when he fell 3 wks ago and was admitted to the hospital), Type 2 diabetes, and heart ailments. I just got off the phone with my mom (she has health concerns as well including arthritis in her knee) as she sent a text earlier this evening that my dad was readmitted to the hospital bc he fell again this morning. They don't know how long he will be in the hospital this time. He was in for 2 wks. the past time, discharged 10 days ago, and now there again. The last time he received inpatient physical therapy. When he was admitted 3 weeks ago I finally got my mom to agree that they should look at moving to a condo. Better late than never! But of course we have hardly had time to catch our breath and now dad is in hospital again.
My brother lives close to them (about 45 min) so he went over there today. He moved one of the beds downstairs so when dad comes home he won't have to go upstairs. Dad is mad about this. He told us not to move the bed when he was in hospital last time. But I don't see what choice we have. Unfortunately, there is no shower on the first floor so he will have to go upstairs at some point. I did mention to my mom about checking into getting a Visiting Angel. I am hoping when they meet with the medical team maybe they might have other suggestions.
VA is on a list of states for NY that is advised not to travel to, or if you do, you need to quarantine when you return. My husband is still going into work, so if I go down there and have to quarantine, he might have to too.
I have 2 other siblings--a brother in Seattle, and a sister in Boston. I tried to get my siblings to have an honest conversation about mom and dad's living situation probablly back in Jan. My sister and was of the opinion we had to honor their wishes and they wanted to stay in the house. But I knew something like this would happen eventually! My husband is mad at me bc I didn't force the issue earlier. But that is neither here nor there--this is the situation and we have to deal with it.
What worries me is that my mom talks like this is all temporary. Like my dad will have rehab and all will be well. She was a nurse so I'm pretty sure she knows Parkinsons is progressive. I really believe she is in denial.
Anyway, I don't know that I really have a question. Just need a sympathetic ear to get it all off my chest. But maybe someone may have some advice on what the best solution would be for the living situation. I thought a condo would be the answer but now I'm thinking my dad may be nearing the time he'll need more than just a place without stairs. I considered having them move in here, but we have the same problem--a flight of stairs to reach the 2nd floor bathrooms. Thanks for listening.
I think they run $3k - 6K, but it would still be easier than moving them to a condo.
In the short term, you can bodgy up a shower with a flexible hose attached to a mixer tap, and a rubber mat with walls to stand in on the floor. It’s not comfortable and there’s no privacy, but it can be done at the kitchen sink or from a ground floor toilet.
Sympathy – your difficult situation is only too understandable.
I just don't understand my family at all. My husband just turned 50 and I am 48--we live in a 2 story home and are already planning to move when our youngest graduates from high school. We should not need all this space for only the 3 of us by then (6 or 8 years). Plus the maintenance is time consuming and physically strenuous. Don't mind doing it now, but I don't know the last time my dad mowed a lawn. He is going to be 74 in Aug. In 2014 he fell down his basement steps bc he was trying to move his bike down there. He was not hurt badly enough to go to hospital--but it was wake up call.
Last night my mom was on phone talking about going through stuff at the house. She says, "I just don't understand it. I used to come home from work and stay up and get stuff done. (she was a nurse and would come home at 11pm and then go to bed @ 1--she's always been a nightowl) She was talking about how she did things back in 1984 when I was a kid. I told her, "Mom that was like 35 years ago! Your energy level just is not the same." MY energy level isn't the same as it was when my kids were young. Again, denial of the reality of the situation. Feel like banging my head against a wall!
My 1st thought is that your mom is suffering from a bit of mental deficiency and that is why the reality is not kicking in. She should know what she is facing. Just keep your antennae up for indications that she isn't 100%.
Best of luck dealing with stubborn parents and getting them to be cooperative.