*I want to stay home*. I get that.. but what does the *as long as I can* actually look like?
Not being able to shower or dress? Collect shopping? Prepare meals? Can get Aides to visit for that.
Not able to change soiled continance aides? Put rubbish out, clean up? Yuk but not life threatening. Can wait for next Aide visit.
Not being able to get out of bed to let the Aide in the door to do these things?
I think we've crossed that line of *as long as I can* now. She just doesn't get it.
So my question is: is there a list from APS (or Human Services or wherever) of minimum standards to stay living alone? I found a hospital discharge questionaire but have lost it - inc ADLs, falls risk, poly meds.
I have advised her Doctor, had an OT assessment done. Both recommend assisted living (ignored). Suggested a key box (refused). Calls ambulance when fallen but keeps refusing to be taken to hospital.
Ask her what living at home safely "for as long as she can" means to her. Outline the problems you, doctor and OT see. Home health care agencies usually have checklists like you describe. An agency can help list mom's needs and the resources and costs for their services. ALF can also do similar evaluations and provide estimates/price list for services. Be realistic about what you can provide to help out and what additional help mom needs to stay in her home.
It is possible to let her stay home with help. My MIL lives in a condo in Hawaii. She had round the clock home aides for many months. She now has a live-in caregiver. Expensive but my FIL's life insurance is paying for it. She is also on a wait list for Adult Day Care. No matter which direction you go, consistent communicating with care providers is essential as mom's health declines.
I recently applied for Medicaid just waiting for ‘accept’ or ‘declined’.
Thank you.
Sometimes it just helps to write to someone that may see this or not. Siblings have stopped calling or asking questions. To much drama? Same ole same ole? Meanwhile for me I never know which Mom I’m getting from 1 day to the next.
You sound like a very strong & determined person - all the best!
Hubby’s grandma was like that. Big two story uptown home that she just had to live in. When I took her shopping it was a pain. Lug all the groceries upstairs because the bottom of her home she converted to her art studio where she painted.
She painted beautifully but wouldn’t part with any of them because she was so attached to them she couldn’t put a price on them. The family has most of them. She donated several of them to different organizations.
They had money so the bulk of the caregiving was done by caretakers. She had a housekeeper as well. I took over running errands with her when her daughter, hubby’s mom became sick with lymphoma.
Until yesterday I had been considering just nailing that blooming key box on her wall myself! But she is worried it will be broken into & she will be robbed (would be MY fault of course).
I don't know if she is capable of comparing the risk/outcome: being stuck in bed (soiled) vs key box robbers ??
But going to try BarbB's approach at today's visit... what a shame you don't have help to get out of bed when you need it. What a shame the Aide can't get in & you will miss your shower, getting dressed/housekeeping/driving to wherever you wanted to go that morning. Wonder what YOU can do about that? If she is stuck for ideas, I'll mention Santa's elves ha ha!
You know what? The damn anxiety drives me absolutely batty! When I read the remark about fearing that someone may break in, geeeeeeez, that is exactly how my mom is! What if? What if? What if? They say this constantly! Fear everything! I feel your pain, honey.
I told her primary doc to give her anxiety meds! Hahaha. She said because of mom’s current meds that mom would have to see a neuropsychologist to make sure the meds did not interfere with each other. She takes Parkinson’s meds and seizure meds.
You CAN use a key, but you can also key in a number combination (most use a 5 digit code--we used mom's birthdate). In case of a 911 call, you can give the dispatcher the code for EMS to use--the code can then be changed to something else. It gave us much peace of mind.
If you pick one up and then show it to her - it would be fairly clear that it isn't likely to be "broken into." She may be thinking it is a box of some kind.
As another said, get the kind with a key and a keypad - so the code can be used in emergency and changed later (good for when no key is available at the time of need.)
Last I saw these things (generally used by Real Estate agents when selling a house. You could mention this to mom as well, these are used ALL the time without mishap!), they can be locked over the door handle - you don't have to nail it to the wall....
I would only tell her that a key is used to open it to get the key to the house - leave out the code part, as that will just add to confusion and perhaps increase her anxiety.
Breaking into that would be more difficult than just breaking into/picking her own existing lock - you can tell her that when you show her the lock box and explain it!
Yes I am waiting for that hospital admit!!! Then me & my point of view decend on the discharge planner & request a social worker, stat. I cannot prevent a solo taxi ride home but certainly won't be the driver/welcome party/enabler. Will make very to her & hospital staff (letter already sent to her Doctor) - I won't be doing any hands-on care, driving, food or medicine deliveries as this just prevents obtaining the proper care & supervised setting she needs.