My daughters children against me., and taken my place in their lives., all behind my back, with lies. They have not been in our lives for many years. I'm having real difficulty allowing them into my house to visit with her. I know it's not about me, and want my daughter to see who she wishes. The only thing I can think of is to see my daughter when I am not there. Any advice. ?
If your daughter wantsvto see them, maybe allow a visit for maybe 30 min at a day andvtime convenient to you. Remember, itsvyour home. If they won't leave, call the police. Do not argue with them. Just say once "I will call the police". Then do it if they still won't leave. Then, do not allow them to return.
It seems like your plan to just not be there could be workable. Unless it is interfering with your ability to spend time with your daughter. I would try to stay as calm as possible. Don't let them get to you. But I would keep them out of your life as much as possible. I also hope your grandkids will understand that their aunties are meddling and know not what they speak of.
Just curious, why would your sisters come back into a nieces life when she is on her deathbed? What satisfaction are they getting by lying about you? And why do the grands believe them? Why is your daughter allowing these lies?
It is not about you.
In fact, this is about your daughter and she should be not only afforded the RIGHT, but she should be given every opportunity to see those she wishes to see. And clearly this is one child that hasn't been "turned against you".
To be honest, I don't think ANYONE can turn our children against us.
I can't know all the details, but if your children have turned against you it is for more reasons than lying sisters I would think.
That's neither here nor there. But............
You now have a chance to change things UTTERLY and forever by welcoming into your home all who wish to visit your daughter, by being accomodating and providing "coffee, tea or milk". You can be kind and generous and you can CHANGE ALL THEIR MINDS about who you are.
It's up to you. We all make choices for our own lives. None of us on Forum are walking in your shoes. I am just telling you what I would try. And hey, if it didn't work to make them love me, then my trying wasn't all that difficult, and I can comfort myself that I DID try.
Let me end with telling you I wish you the very best in your mission now to provide comfort and peace for your daughter. THAT is gold! My heart goes out to you in your own sorrow.
But I have also learned that having anger towards them only hurts one person. The only person my anger towards my family hurts is me. Some times it takes me a bit to over come anger, after my golden child brother makes me angry, I have to feel it for a bit , then I just let it go with the wind. Let go let him go and let God. I don't want anymore anger in my life .
I get to see that "wonderful" brother today, having a small get together at moms for my son's 30th. So I'll fake it. Honestly hardly stressed me anymore, he means so little to me.
Your grandchildren are very young to go through this, and what ever they did in the past was done at a very young age and we all make mistakes.
They need to spend some time with there mom for there mental health, I'm sure if you where thinking more clearly you would understand that, but right now understandable all you can think with is your pain of what you are going through. That is also all your grandchildren can think too. This is not all about you and what you want and need this is only about one person , this is about your daughter .
You say you don't want to leave your daughter, I get that but you should, and not so much for your grandchildren but for you to get some time alone, to breath, rest and to gather your thoughts by yourself. Go sit in a park or someplace that is special to you, take a walk anything that is for you.
Think about it this way, if it was you that was dieing, who would you want there, your daughter! Your daughter wants and needs to be around her children, your grandchildren need to be around there mother!!!!
This is so not the time for in-fighting.
I’m truly sorry that your daughter is so sick. Life is not fair.
If you are not comfortable being around your own grandchildren(so very sad)at this point, then by all means stay away while they're there or stay in another part of your home.
Otherwise you have the option of showing your grandchildren love and compassion(and proving your sisters wrong)by welcoming them in to your home and treating them like valued family members for the sake of your daughter if not yourself, and enjoying the time that they're there.
The choice is yours.
I'm sorry that your daughter is nearing death. As a mom myself, I can't imagine the pain you're going through.
So I pray that God will give you His wisdom and discernment in this situation, and that He will give you the strength to carry on and do what's best for your daughter.
God bless you.