Many of you know my situation as I have posted here and your advice was so very valuable to me. However, my story is not over. I successfully placed my mom in an AL a little over a month ago after she was living with me for 15 months. I have tried to limit my conversations with her to allow her to get adjusted to her new home. It has not been easy. She calls every day. If I don't answer the phone she will call 10-15 times and leave escalating voicemails. She is always asking me for something. Like bringing her a Happy Meal or a Magnifying Glass or I need to look at something she got in the mail or a phone number or kleenex or clothing that I didn't take over there when I moved her in. You get my point. It's a never ending list of wants and needs.
Yesterday, I went to the AL while she was at a doctor's appointment. I brought a car load of supplies. All the clothing and shoes that were still at my house, cases of diet coke, diapers, wipes, bed pads, crackers, a coloring book with markers and the magnifying glass. While I was outside with my husband last night, I had 2 voicemails from my mom. No thank you's, no mention of the supplies I left for her. Just a nasty message that said "when am I going to bring her hangers, the ones in her closet that she paid for."
I guess what I am so ticked off about is my mother's money doesn't even cover her AL. I am having to subsidise that cost as well as all the "supplies" I have brought over to her prior to her move in and now the second load. She is so demanding and selfish, but always has been. I am tired of being used. My husband thinks I should tell her I'm done and block her calls. A part of me wants to do that. But then doing something like that is not who I am or in my nature.
Her AL is worse that Peyton Place.
I need a new F&*%ing PHONE!!!
I still need hangers!
I'm hungry!
They aren't giving me my meds.
They are only feeding me desserts!
Why aren't you answering your phone@! You never answer your phone!
The list goes on and on. It's actually pathetic. I do speak to her 1x a week and I start the conversation with - are you going to be nice or mean? If your going to be mean, I will hang up and talk to you next week. The call usually lasts 5-10 minutes before she starts in with me.
BUT....the best thing in the world is that I got her out of MY HOUSE and I am in control. I can decide when and for how long I will talk to her. I am so thankful to all of you who have helped me get to this point.
Congrats on seeing your situation in a new light. I realize that you have a painful relationship and I am not making fun of your circumstances at all.
I am smiling because you have developed a new perspective.
It takes time, support and sometimes therapy to make changes in our lives. I have enormous gratitude for my therapist.
I struggled with my circumstances for way too long. It feels good to laugh instead of cry, doesn’t it?
Wishing you all the best.
I now am going to bite the bullet and pay $3-5k to get out of being POA and get a public fiduciary assigned by the court. I am so done. She is exhausting and loves to push my buttons. It pains me that I have to spend my money to have this handled, but there is no other option. I cannot just withdraw as POA without being charge with elder abuse. I want all of you to know the horrible mess I have gotten myself into. As they say "no good deed goes unpunished!" That is for sure. I never want to see her or speak to her again. She has caused nothing but misery to me.