Many of you know my situation as I have posted here and your advice was so very valuable to me. However, my story is not over. I successfully placed my mom in an AL a little over a month ago after she was living with me for 15 months. I have tried to limit my conversations with her to allow her to get adjusted to her new home. It has not been easy. She calls every day. If I don't answer the phone she will call 10-15 times and leave escalating voicemails. She is always asking me for something. Like bringing her a Happy Meal or a Magnifying Glass or I need to look at something she got in the mail or a phone number or kleenex or clothing that I didn't take over there when I moved her in. You get my point. It's a never ending list of wants and needs.
Yesterday, I went to the AL while she was at a doctor's appointment. I brought a car load of supplies. All the clothing and shoes that were still at my house, cases of diet coke, diapers, wipes, bed pads, crackers, a coloring book with markers and the magnifying glass. While I was outside with my husband last night, I had 2 voicemails from my mom. No thank you's, no mention of the supplies I left for her. Just a nasty message that said "when am I going to bring her hangers, the ones in her closet that she paid for."
I guess what I am so ticked off about is my mother's money doesn't even cover her AL. I am having to subsidise that cost as well as all the "supplies" I have brought over to her prior to her move in and now the second load. She is so demanding and selfish, but always has been. I am tired of being used. My husband thinks I should tell her I'm done and block her calls. A part of me wants to do that. But then doing something like that is not who I am or in my nature.
Decide how many calls a day or week you will take from her. My suggestion is one call in the morning every other day.
When she demands you be her personal errand girl, be noncommittal: “I’ll check my schedule and see if I can do that at some point.”
Block her number except when you make one call every other day. I don’t think she will be able to leave voice mails. If she does leave voice mails, don’t listen to them and delete them once a day at night.
You do realize this is only happening as payback for you putting her in AL, right? She is trying to make it so bad for you that you will give up and take her back in.
Don’t play her games. From War Games: “the only way to win is to not play.”
If this isn’t in your nature, then fine. Stop complaining and let her kill you and bankrupt you. That is your choice.
The only piece of advice I can give you (other than to block her number and only un-block it an hour a day or so (and don’t listen to the voicemails)) is to NOT subsidize her financially. If she cannot afford her AL she will have to spend down her assets and eventually go on Medicare. You are already emotionally drained, please don’t spend your family’s money! I wish you the best (((hugs)))
PS. Unfortunately, she will never thank you.