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Girl, let me tell you how to get a backbone.

Decide how many calls a day or week you will take from her. My suggestion is one call in the morning every other day.

When she demands you be her personal errand girl, be noncommittal: “I’ll check my schedule and see if I can do that at some point.”

Block her number except when you make one call every other day. I don’t think she will be able to leave voice mails. If she does leave voice mails, don’t listen to them and delete them once a day at night.

You do realize this is only happening as payback for you putting her in AL, right? She is trying to make it so bad for you that you will give up and take her back in.

Don’t play her games. From War Games: “the only way to win is to not play.”

If this isn’t in your nature, then fine. Stop complaining and let her kill you and bankrupt you. That is your choice.
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graciekelli Aug 2023
Thank you for your advise. I hear what you are saying. I know what I need to do.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am in a similar situation with my Mom coming home for hospice with me as the primary caregiver. The vote of the forum is almost 100% that I shouldn’t go through with it. But I promised I would take her home to die. I get what you mean about not wanting to cut her off.
The only piece of advice I can give you (other than to block her number and only un-block it an hour a day or so (and don’t listen to the voicemails)) is to NOT subsidize her financially. If she cannot afford her AL she will have to spend down her assets and eventually go on Medicare. You are already emotionally drained, please don’t spend your family’s money! I wish you the best (((hugs)))
PS. Unfortunately, she will never thank you.
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sp196902 Aug 2023
"But I promised I would take her home to die." It was an unrealistic promise based on your lack of information and knowledge that you have now obtained after finding this forum. Good luck.
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Stop subsidizing your mother's care. She should be paying for the AL out of her own assets. When the assets are gone Medicaid will take over.
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graciekelli Aug 2023
It's not that simple. I wish it were.
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