I am feeling hurt from my mom right now and I have gotten wonderful advice from this site before so this is the first place I thought I'd go to. My mom is in a nursing home and still relies on me for a lot. I have three young kids, who have all been sick the last two weeks with hand, foot and mouth disease, two of the three had very bad cases. During this time I was unable to visit or help my mom (I usually visit every week). The kids are better and I made plans to bring my mom here on Monday. Well, I just came down with the virus, high fever, dizzy, blisters forming on my hands. I call to tell my mom and she is only concerned about herself and the things I can't bring her and that she has to be stuck there another week. Then she said she has nothing to add to the conversation and we got off the phone. I understand and expected her to be dissappointed, but no so selfish. No feel better, no anything like that, it was all about her. It really makes me feel used like she only wants me around so I can help her, that's it.... Is it typical for people in nursing homes to become more self centered? Or am i the self centered one?
There may also be a level of cognitive decline in your mom so that her thought processes aren't what they used to be. I see that in my mom. If I try to discuss anything of importance to me, she just has a few stock phrases she'll say over and over again. I understand that her brain isn't fully 100%, so I don't let it bother me. It mostly makes me sad. So no, you're not selfish and your mom is just old and focused on her very small world. Neither of you is "wrong" or bad. Hugs to you...
She spends a lot of time in the evening worrying about where I am and I've found notes in her room in memory care saying help, where are you? makes me feel awful knowing she's scared
Other than a treat to eat, she doesn't ask me to bring her anything as her only concern is for her purse and her money (makes her feel secure) so I bought her a cheap cross body purse and some fake money that looks very real along with a cheap watch - she occasionally looses the purse and once the fake money was stolen - joke on them -
A couple of months ago I got the flu and didn't see her for 10-days but I had a private caregiver with her 4 hours a day as she's near 93 and doesn't get any attention or help at the memory care facility which is considered assisted living not nursing care - she's not bedridden
Given the demands of raising your kids is there perhaps a college kid or lady from church who can visit your mom once or twice a week and bring her something and give her a little company ? My siblings do nothing but our housekeeper has dinner with her at the facility 2x a week and my good friend has lunch with her once a week as I work long hours - blessings don't always come from where you expect