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By the time I got Power of Attorney, my Mom wasn't capable of making alot of decisions, so I was then able to relieve her of that stress and/or mistakes. I wanted for her to enjoy life as much as she could and not have to worry about all the paperwork/decisions that come with everyday living. This proved especially helpful when it came to filling out Medicaid forms, etc... It just got too hard to get her to sign her name. I did make many copies of the POA form to give out to State Agencies, Creditors, etc. when needed.
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Tell everyone. My brother had power of attorney and we all knew it but he kept everything secret that he did. It has tore or family apart. Tell everyone everything. Talk to your siblings and keep everyone informed of what you are doing. They might have good ideas on how to help and might not. But it is best to decuss things with the whole family and that way it is not all on your shoulders.
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The bad thing is the paper work is the only thing that matters in the end. In my case,The timber cutter knows I won't cut the timber,so they are siding with my brother to be able to be the ones to get the trees.My dad told me not to let these particular people have the trees and they know as Iong as I'm in charge nothing will be cut and sold.The timber cutters,the lawyers,my brothers,no one cares about my dads wishes.Even if the land is out of my name,I WISH i could protect the trees and forest animals.I haven't met a lawyer yet who care more about trees and animals than the almighty dollar.I would like to make it a protected habitat,so everyone could enjoy nature.I wish people cared more about nature and less about money.They see the trees as big dollar bills.I wish that karma would hurry up and slap some of them up side the head.It is true you have no idea what a money making unjust system it is until you are involved.I may be rich in good deeds,but poor in money and power.
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tennessee...so sorry to hear of your predicament. It is amazing what crawls out from beneath rocks when there is money to be had.
Tell your brother that you will calculate your services over the last 10 years and send him the bill.
There should be laws to protect unpaid family caregivers from this type of abuse and it IS abuse in the first degree. Now that all the "icky" work is done, you should not have to explain yourself.
Your brother is bringing a whole heap of bad karma down around his head and he deserves every ounce of it!
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People assumed I was the only child because it did seem that way.People were shocked when they found out I had men in my family and we had to go it alone and unassisted.My one brother was a attorney and you would think he would have helped with the legal and financial stuff.My dads decline went on for 10 years or more,it wasn't over night.My dad did not give my brother POA,he thought he gave him medical POA. When he realized my brother tricked him into signing something he wasn't willing to give up,he wanted it back-which from what I understood he got back.Then he really went down hill and noone had the POA. I was the closest to him so I handled the financial and medical decissions.We had that rare closeness where we pretty much knew what the other was thinking or about to say.I don't think my dad understood the importance of POA,I know I didn't. He took it as a slam to his mentallity and manhood.My brothers swooped in after the fact,now that my dad is gone. People think its dispicible but I seem to be crucified legally.It sure seems like someone would have explained all of this to us.The first three lawyers I had couldn't believe how low they sunk.I was suppose to be the good guy,the one that was always there though thick or thin-now through lawyers and paper work I'm the bad guy.If I wasn't so legally dumb,I wouldn't be in this mess.I have just learned to use a computer,I wish I had access to this information years ago. Our town is very small and very uneducated and I was suppose to be one of the smart ones-what a joke.
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I'm also surprised that no one asked you or the other people who signed for you dad if you or they had durable POA.
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MY brother had POA and it was a secret.That is how I got in this legal mess-I overstepped my legal bounds basically doing the job of POA -because I didn't think there was one.At the time I didn't even know the duties of POA. I had a joint account with my dad for 20 something years-My brothers never came around so no one thought there were any other family but me.We all got his verball permission for this or that-smalltown stuff-Other people signed stuff for my dad also.No one meant to do any harm only to help a man who needed help,but now they are throwing papers at me with various signatures that I didn't sign and I'M taking the reprocussions from it.From reading these posts,I have learned the importance of POA and I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT WAS A BIG SECRET. He knew I was doing the business,why wouldn't he step up to the plate and do his job-Lord knows I HAD MY HANDS FULL---Of HANDY WIPES.
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I'm not sure why you would want to keep this a secret.

If it's durable POA, then banks, the IRS and State Tax offices, and the local hospital need to know this.

If it's Medical POA, then the doctor, etc. need to know this.

It is good for other family members to know this and what it means even if they don't like you having been given POA. I wish that my mother had told my step-dad and explained to him why she gave me POA 8 years ago and what that meant. It enrages him today to find out that he does not have the final word; he does not own her car; and anything that has her name along with his name on it means he has to talk with me about property decisions for in her incompetent state, I'm the one he must talk with.
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...not sure why you would keep it "secret" - but that is your choice. You will want to give a copy of the med. PoA to your parent's primary care doctor as well as end of life directives.
I carry a copy of both financial and medical PoAs with me in case of an emergency and doctors need to speak with me about Mom's condition, or if there is a financial issue.
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