Found out it could be vaginal cancer. White spots were found. No bleeding.
Funny, Mom sleeps good. Eats good. Very kind. Sweet. We have the most wonderful mother! Hate this is happening to such a beautiful woman in our lives. Seeing our mother with ALZ breaks our hearts. We are very loving to her. Understanding. Share in her faith. Honestly, she is absolutely a dear dear mother.
Some say go the palliative care route. PET scan and surgery, radiation etc will be too much.
Who’s gone through this? Anyone have good advice?
I read and re-read your post, and I'm sitting here with a cross frown on my face. White spots were found? HOW? The doctor happened to be passing and thought he'd have a quick peep?
But let's assume that there were other symptoms bothering your mother, so there was an exam, so these suspect areas were seen, so the doctor has recommended a PET scan. What other investigations have been done? Are you satisfied that other, less alarming causes have been ruled out?
I'd ask the doctor to relieve any symptoms and then keep an eye on things. There is no point going looking for a tiger if you're not fully prepared to fight it.
This decision is fully yours, is it? How advanced your mother's Alzheimer's Disease is does matter. If she is still able to understand what her doctor is telling her, then you must involve her in the discussions. If she isn't, then you should aim to avoid any treatment that is likely to be worse than the disease. It's one thing to go through these ordeals when you understand what is happening and are looking ahead to recovery: the hope of recovery makes the treatment tolerable. But to have this done to you, with no understanding of why or what for, would be cruel and can't be justified unless a good outcome is certain.
Honestly, truthfully, if I had to decide between dying of cancer and dying of Alz, I'd pick cancer any day. The end years of Alz are not something I want to go through, being practically bedridden, with mind already gone, pooping and peeing in diapers and needing people to wipe my behind, feeding me, possibly acting crazy, screaming incoherently, making the lives of my children hell.
I shudder...
Does it matter? Would she want to treat it? (I a currently treating for Lymphoma, and if my 90yo mother had cancer I would NOT be on board with putting her through this. It's not awful, it's pointless at some point. I am going to beat this and expect another 20+ years. I told my DH "when and if this comes back, I'm done. One and done. I will NOT put you or the kids or me through this.) I'm txing only because I'm only 63 and in good health and this is only stage 2.
PETscans do not hurt. Probably the ONLY cancer detector that didn't. MRI's and CT scans don't hurt either.
I would ask for palliative care if she is in pain, but no, I would be 100% opposed to treating at this stage of health and life.
Hope you are all doing well! Those that responded to my last question I just wanted to give you an update.
Challenges in life, distress, aging, mental health things, emotional stress, family, loss of a loved one.... we all need support and comfort during those times.
Thank you for your support.
My mother has been doing well. She does have cancer in her personal area, non aggressive but evenso it’s there and hasn’t spread.
We have several very kind nurses coming during the week to check on her. We chose not to do Pet Scan etc etc. Doctors have cooperated with us and we are grateful for their help as well.
Mom is very cooperative, kind, sweet, and besides very quiet which comes with the territory, she still shows us signs that she loves us and we show it back.
We are grateful for the years behind us we had with our dear mother and are grateful for the time now.
We had a very exceptional father whom we loved very much, and set a good example in our lives of love and family and our mom was the same! It’s been our privilege to give back to mom what she did for all of us.
So far so good.
Thank you for your comforting words and I appreciate that this site was available to ask questions that helped us along.
I found several other publications very helpful so have quite a lot to be thankful for.
Peace out to all.
Sincerely,
Colette Renee Newman.
Talk with the surgeon.
Will it be an invasive surgery where she will be cut up and then sewn up. That will be a lot of pain.
Ask about the chances of infection which is very real. If it occurs, will it require more surgery? More pain.
Ask about recovery time. How long? How much discomfort?
Ask about radiation. It BURNS. How long? Yes, a lot of pain.
Ask what her quality of life will be after the treatment.
Ask yourself if you were in her shoes, at her age, would you go through with it, and for what purpose.
Then you can decide.
My uncle died from pancreatic cancer that had spread to his liver and spine 7 weeks after diagnosis at age 66. After the initial stage 4 diagnosis my uncle researched pancreatic cancer for a couple of days, then announced the cancer was going to kill him and the treatments that would delay his death would also make him too ill to enjoy being alive. Although he didn't take chemo or radiation he did have a small operation to cut some nerves to reduce pain. He was able to really enjoy one last Thanksgiving with his family before engaging Hospice and then slipping into a comma a couple of weeks later.
My mother made me her POA after her brother's death and while my father was just entering the bad phase of his vascular dementia. I had a decade to have conversations with her about what she wanted before she began having any cognitive issues at all. Mom wanted to scale down medical treatment when her quality of life was compromised. She didn't want cancer treatments after 85, just palliative care to manage her pain. I asked about a ventilator when treating pneumonia. Mom told me that was acceptable if she was expected to have a full recovery to a good quality of life but if she already had other issues compromising her quality of life then she didn't want her life extended with a ventilator.
Mom is now 87 with MCI and no short term memory. After a fall last year she has limited mobility and must use a walker or a wheelchair. Since the fall and my father's death Mom has displayed some dementia symptoms at times. I have reluctantly acknowledged that Mom has entered that "reduced quality of life" she talked about. Medical decisions now have to be made to maintain her comfort as long as possible but not necessarily maintain her life as long as possible. It's a difficult bridge to cross.
It is hard to decide. Her oncologist just said her results will be in Tuesday. And he wants an answer. Either do the Pet scan and surgery and remove what he sees around the personal area or decide Palliative care.
we are weighing all these questions I see here in Agingcare. We are praying that whatever decision made it is for the best for our dear mom. She’s raised 11 of us. We all deeply love her. She’s been a wonderful mother. Has always been kind and outstanding with the quality of love! It hurts us to see this happen at this stage in her life. But aging doesn’t always happen gracefully. But we will make her as comfortable as we can and love her right up to our last kiss on her cheek.