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It seems like at every turn we’re bombarded by marketing that can be painful to those of us who would do anything to celebrate this special holiday like we did in the past.
I live in Mexico, where Mother’s Day is always celebrated on May 10th. Hubs bought me 2 candy filled coffee cups (as the lady was walking by selling them in our neighborhood). Then he took a flight to TJ, where we used to live (and my MIL and his kids are). He will be picking up our U.S. mail and ordered items. I changed my Facebook picture to one of my Mom and me. I looked at her urn, talked to her and wanted to cry. This was my first Mother’s Day without her. But I wouldn’t want to extend her Alzheimer’s to reach Stage 7.
Sunday (U.S. Mother’s Day) was spent alone, (well, I had my fur babies). I called my son at 10:30 am (his time) but they were still asleep. He wished me a happy day. I thought he’d call back, but by 6:30 pm his time (8:30 pm my time), I figured I’d better call. He and his girlfriend talked to me for half an hour. I made asparagus and gnocchi for one. The whole day was a letdown. Being alone didn’t help. Hopefully Mother’s Day will be better next year.
Went to the cemetery. Talked to her. Did not attend any family gatherings that I did not want to attend. Took a day for me and my husband was perfectly cool with that.
My mother’s calling hours were on Mother’s Day so for 22 years I r been reminded of everything through tv ads and internet ads. Also my mother died the day after my husbands birthday so I have double reminders. Time has helped to heal some of the pain but it’s always with me in May. “A broken heart is s heart that has been well loved”
We talked about making the hour and a half trip to the cemetery to bring flowers for both our mothers but decided instead to spend the day at home and visit the cemetery when we are in town next month instead. My husband & son (26) cooked breakfast & dinner and I got to spend the day with them in our home. We watched a couple of movies and just relaxed. He called his sister and we all wished her a Happy Mother’s Day also.
Looking at cards for my mom, who has dementia, has been a challenge. They're either too sappy (with the added "thanks for always being there for me", which she isn't very much anymore) or they're too...something. I finally picked one with birds and plants that I knew she'd like and just thought of the verse as being what I would have said if she were still the same mom I had always known. It was depressing, but I just went with it and decided to get one that would make her happy. After all, that's what Mother's Day is all about--honoring mom and bringing her a little happiness. Once I made that choice, it felt pretty darn good whether she really understands it or not!
I’m going to probably drink at least two or three glasses of wine. That’s how. Wine is my mother now. Wine is love, wine is life. Happy Orphan Day to everyone else who’s an unwanted runt on this horrible day!
I remember in the 1960’s and 1970’s Dad would buy orchid corsages for Mom and Grandma (his Mom), and Pink carnation boutonnieres for Grandpa, Dad, my brother and myself. We would go to church at Grandparents’ church because Grandma’s family had been members since church was started in 1903.
Our Walmart always has lots and lots of flower bouquets set up by the front doors as a reminder that you need to buy your Mom some flowers. I can not go to Walmart this weekend because I know I will start crying. This is the first Mother's Day without Mom.
It has always been hard to find a card for Mom as the sayings depict a "Perfect" Mom and my Mom was far from perfect.
Whether your Mom is living or deceased, I hope that you have fond memories of your Mom and Grandmother. {{{HUGS}}}
I’ve hated Mother’s Day for years because my mother usually says something offensive to me to start a fight. Why she wants to do that I don’t know. Maybe she thinks about how much she hated her mother on Mother’s Day. My mother’s birthday is also in May. And the same thing she often picks a fight. She’s terribly entitled most of the time but on those two days she’s even worse. I hate the month of May and yet here in New England it’s a very beautiful month. I doubt my mother will live another year and I look forward to a May and a Mother’s Day free of dread and fear like I have today.
The thing is my suffering is caused for the same reason as the suffering of all of you who love your mother. Some commercial entity created a day to make money and not only did they do that but they created a whole lot of suffering too which is what frequently happens when someone tries to make money off of people’s intimate relationships.
As I said earlier in the thread, this is the first mother’s day without my MIL. I thought I was going ok until Thursday afternoon when I went out in search of a butterfly to put on the floral arrangement I made for her. I ended up at Wal-Mart, I don’t really go there often but I ended up there because they have a garden center and I thought surely they would have something. Well I was wrong, they had nothing and while we walked around the store looking for a damn butterfly, it hit me that my MIL had shopped there regularly before she passed. And I got so sad! I fought back tears until we got to the car. Came home and started cleaning the kitchening & my husband went in to the garage to putz around and he turned on the radio and of course, they played 2 Mother’s Day commercials back to back!!!!!!!!!! Today, my daughter had a softball game and it was another slap in the face. That our sad reality is that there are no grandparents to come watch the games, that my MIL never got the chance to see her oldest grandchild play softball. I saw a grandmother saying goodbye to a family member and when she said “I’ll see you back at my house in 15 minutes”, it really hurt because it reminded me that if my MIL had been alive, we would have gone to her house after the game. We had a habit of going to see after the kids had an activity so they could tell her about it. It is so hard seeing grandparents at sporting events because my kids don’t have that anymore :(
I am a card merchandiser and lost my mom 7 months ago. This will be the first time I can't call her or send her a Mother's Day card. Tried to do a few things to get my mind off of it and that's all I can do.
I am taking my mom from acute rehab, to her AL apartment where I've been taking care of her cat, Pixie, who misses my mom everyday. If she wants to see her home, I will take her there. Mom was moved into AL this year, but is not taking it well, combined with multiple hospital visits and acute rehab. Multiple falls and last one with head injury, some time ago and contracted CDIF at hospital that is chronic, has taken a toll on her, along with the dementia. I'm tired,,,, without any support from my two older sisters, who live closer, ignoring my moms mental and physical deterioration. Mothers Day, my mom will see her 'baby' Pixie .
My mom passed away on Sunday, tomorrow will be one week. My heart is broken, she was the best mom and my best friend. She knew who I was up until the end. My mom lived with me and I took care of her, she went in to the hospital for what I thought was a routine UTI, while she was having some autonomic failure also, but ended up aspirating and got aspiration pneumonia and passed away. I'm still in shock and can't believe she's gone. Mother's day for me will be spent grieving and thinking about my mom, but I will have to get myself together because I have 2 sons who even though they miss their Grandma still want to celebrate with me. This will be very difficult.
My mom is being "difficult " this year, she does this when she want attention. Last night she told hubs that she does not want to out for dinner ( at her fav place) because "her mother is dead". Yes she is , about 35 years ago. And she said this to my hubs who lost his mother 4 months ago. He pointed this out to her, and told her that she is our Mother, and DDs grandmother... So today I am acting like all is "go",,, yes you will get dressed.. a nice sweatsuit is fine ( no need for fancy clothes) and they have soft shelled crabs.. etc. She will go, she just wants to be "begged" into it.. and sometimes I get so tired of it. We'll see what happens. I agree this is a "Hallmark" holiday, and sometimes I get so tired of it all.
My mother has always been hard to buy for, and it is getting harder as her Alzheimer's progresses. She loves to move around decorative objects, and sometimes uses things in frankly strange ways. I bought her a pretty soap dish with her favorite flower on it. She will like it, but probably not use it as a soap dish. I am trying to approach giving this gift with the right attitude, so it doesn't bug the heck out of me when she "misuses" it. I just want it to make her happy.
My mom is still with me and pretty much every day is the same. So the holiday doesn't make much difference. I don't know if it was local only or was a national thing, but someone I knew started a group to spend the day together and called it bluntly "motherless daughters." Too late probably for this year, but maybe for the future, if you wanted to start something similar? Maybe do a post on a social network and ask if people want to get together? Or not as the case may be. Can you get away and go on a vacation? I know it's pretty hard to escape the commercialism. Even hotels might offer "mother's day" brunches etc. It seems so unavoidable. And there is nothing like loss to make you all the more sensitive and aware of it all. Topics like this always take me back decades when I had a long-term professional relationship with a therapist I had seen nearly weekly for years. HE was going thru his own mid-life crisis and decided it was best for my time with him to end. I was forced to pick "when" in the upcoming year. So I went to the very last Thursday of the year, which was the day after Christmas. At the time I had a delivery job and daily had to be confronted with a Merry Christmas sign in my face that I wanted to rip down. I think the only thing that will help is the passage of time. Hug your pup. ANd if you don't have one consider adopting and becoming a dog or cat mom? You can make another life all the easier and help your own with the distraction and love. Not to belittle your pain...but focusing on others often helps, I think.
My sweet Mom passed 3 weeks ago. I’m still having a hard time, and I can’t watch the Mothers Day commercials. But its made a little easier since Mom hated Mothers Day. She thought it was just another Hallmark holiday and you should be nice to your Mom every day. I did have a funny experience this morning however. When I would visit Mom daily at the NH many times she’d only have one shoe on. We’d wheel around the place trying to find where the other shoe fell off while she’d say a little rhyme “Diddle diddle dumpling, my son John, went to bed with his stockings on. One shoe off, one shoe on, diddle diddle dumpling, my son John.” I’d never heard this when I was a kid, so I thought it was pretty funny. And since she was calling me by the cats name by then, sometimes I’d just have to scratch my head at what she did remember. Anyway at a local antique store this morning I found an old little picture of a boy with one shoe on and the words to the rhyme! My heart skipped a beat. It was my Mother’s Day present to myself, now hanging in my office, and it’s hard to describe how happy it made me. I hope all of you who are hurting can find some moments of happiness through your sadness this weekend.
Yes, it hurts every year. It will be the 4th Mother's Day without my Mom. Have no kids so all we will do is go to MIL's and do some things around her house for her. I will be glad the day is over with. So much is made of these holidays and people just don't think before they blurt things out...not everyone has a mom living to enjoy the day with! 24 hours, or less if you go to sleep, and it will be over! It has been 25 years since my dad died and I still dread Father's Day too.
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost or are losing your moms. My mom is gone two years now but I still remember her with a visit to her grave with her favorite flowers, daisies. She and my father are buried together; I sit and visit with them, tell them everything that's been going on and updating them on my daughter, their only grandchild. I'm sure other visitors to the cemetery think I'm the crazy lady with the flowers talking to a couple of graves but I really don't care.
Mom used to love flowers but my dad was one of those clueless men who never thought to give them to her. She used to tell me to give her flowers while she was alive to enjoy them, not after she was dead. I was a teenager at the time, and from that day on, no matter how broke I was, I made sure to give her flowers for every holiday, her birthday and sometimes a small bouquet from Trader Joe's for no other reason than they were pretty and I knew Mom would enjoy them.
As for coping with Mother's Day, I remember other mothers in my life...friends and relatives, and my husband and daughter treat me to dinner at a favorite restaurant. But overall it's become just another day for me.
What a good person you are to remember others on Mother's Day! I have found that we receive so many blessings by being a blessing to others. Additionally, it sounds like you did wonderful things for your mom when you had her around so you don't have any regrets. It doesn't mean, of course, that you don't miss her because we have that "Mom-shaped hole" in our hearts that no one else can fill and Mom's absence is painful. I hope you will find strength and peace in your kind actions for others.
I'm so alone after my best friend mom died 4 years ago it's literally debilitating. I want to start a "Lonely Hearts Club" for folks like me who get bombarded with these holidays that I spent alone. All of them. The money-making holidays really kill ya with all the advertising and everyone saying happy mothers day, I know they mean well but it stabs at me each and every time. I need to get out of this lonely situation. I'm selling my house and want to go somewhere there are people like me my age and active. any Ideas? Thanks for the Forum. Nancy
It sounds like you would do well in a cohousing community. It shouldn't be too hard to find an explanation of cohousing on the internet, as well as a way to search for cohousing communities.
My mom has been gone for almost 28 years and I still tear up on Mother's Day. You really never get over that hole in your heart, but it does get more tolerable as time goes by. She and I were very close and I miss her still. For those of you who have just lost yours, know that the pain will lesson someday. Hugs to all!!
This will be my first Mothers' Day without my Mom. I share the sadness many of you feel. Like some of you, I am just trying to ignore it and let it pass. I can't wait to stop getting bombarded by TV commercials and emails from everyone from CVS to AAA urging me to "do something nice for Mom." Ugh!!!
We do our best not let it not affect us. We don't get to celebrate as days gone by but we let Mother see our faces with flowers (artificial ones so they will last), basket of her favorite goodies. If we can get grands together this is always a plus even though she may not know them. Mother still loves them loving on her. In short...we make the best we can of the times we have with her. Thoughts of after Mother is gone, then what? Sweet memories! All the memories beginning to end. We make the best we can of every moment. Blessings
My mother lives with my husband and I and is in the late stages of Alz. She's been in hospice a couple of months and will likely be her last Mother's Day. I'm trying not to dwell in the sadness and will instead do what we can to create a lovely afternoon. My 2 sisters live nearby and will come for a visit. We'll sing a few songs and share a few laughs and I suppose a few tears. Mom doesn't know any of us anymore, but she still feels the love so we will focus on that.
What’s important to me is that I remember and appreciate all the things my mom taught me, when she showed she loved me, and the fun times and laughs we shared. I miss her all the time. She died when I was 36 and she was 64. I am always a bit sad to see the cards knowing I can’t buy one. I am childless so I’m not a mom of human kids but my hubby, bless him, always gets me a card and gift from our cats. I’m thankful I had a great mom, not everyone does. So it is a "holiday" that comes loaded with baggage for many. I dread Father's Day now that my dad is in the NH and not a happy camper. Would love to just skip it. Especially since I’m the only one of 4 daughters that lives by him. It all falls to me and the others get by with their card. Two haven’t visited him in years so I don’t know why they bother. Just something for them to check off
Boy how familiar this sounds except I dont have a husband. My fiance died when we were just about to walk down the aisle. I am a mom of my cat as well so we will celebrate together.
I'm struggling with this myself as this is our first Mother's Day since Mom passed in November. Even with her dementia, I would still be able to spoil her so I'm kind of lost this year. Looking forward to reading everyone's answers.
Dear Sue, I lost my mother 20 years ago. Every Holiday and her Birthday, the family would get together. I think of her each day! My second oldest sister died in 1997. My Mother and eldest sister in 1998 and my youngest sister in 2015. One other sister and I are the only ones remaining and she had a kidney transplant 10 years ago and lives in another part of the state. Now, my husband has mild Alzheimer's. It's very hard and longly. I As the days go by, I hope for you to remember that they have never left. They are always within hearing distance and always available to give you comfort. Things are in constant change here on earth, with nothing staying the same very long. Cherish the time you spent together and remember the good times. Sending you hugs and comfort during this difficult time in your life. God bless you!
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I live in Mexico, where Mother’s Day is always celebrated on May 10th. Hubs bought me 2 candy filled coffee cups (as the lady was walking by selling them in our neighborhood). Then he took a flight to TJ, where we used to live (and my MIL and his kids are). He will be picking up our U.S. mail and ordered items.
I changed my Facebook picture to one of my Mom and me. I looked at her urn, talked to her and wanted to cry. This was my first Mother’s Day without her. But I wouldn’t want to extend her Alzheimer’s to reach Stage 7.
Sunday (U.S. Mother’s Day) was spent alone, (well, I had my fur babies). I called my son at 10:30 am (his time) but they were still asleep. He wished me a happy day. I thought he’d call back, but by 6:30 pm his time (8:30 pm my time), I figured I’d better call. He and his girlfriend talked to me for half an hour.
I made asparagus and gnocchi for one. The whole day was a letdown. Being alone didn’t help.
Hopefully Mother’s Day will be better next year.
Make mine a gin and tonic! Hey, wine is good too if you can spare a glass! Haha
Our Walmart always has lots and lots of flower bouquets set up by the front doors as a reminder that you need to buy your Mom some flowers. I can not go to Walmart this weekend because I know I will start crying. This is the first Mother's Day without Mom.
It has always been hard to find a card for Mom as the sayings depict a "Perfect" Mom and my Mom was far from perfect.
Whether your Mom is living or deceased, I hope that you have fond memories of your Mom and Grandmother. {{{HUGS}}}
The thing is my suffering is caused for the same reason as the suffering of all of you who love your mother. Some commercial entity created a day to make money and not only did they do that but they created a whole lot of suffering too which is what frequently happens when someone tries to make money off of people’s intimate relationships.
It’s tough. Very tough for those of us who care about others. Those with no heart don’t feel anything.
Mothers Day, my mom will see her 'baby' Pixie .
If people only realized.
I don't know if it was local only or was a national thing, but someone I knew started a group to spend the day together and called it bluntly "motherless daughters." Too late probably for this year, but maybe for the future, if you wanted to start something similar? Maybe do a post on a social network and ask if people want to get together? Or not as the case may be.
Can you get away and go on a vacation?
I know it's pretty hard to escape the commercialism. Even hotels might offer "mother's day" brunches etc.
It seems so unavoidable. And there is nothing like loss to make you all the more sensitive and aware of it all.
Topics like this always take me back decades when I had a long-term professional relationship with a therapist I had seen nearly weekly for years. HE was going thru his own mid-life crisis and decided it was best for my time with him to end. I was forced to pick "when" in the upcoming year. So I went to the very last Thursday of the year, which was the day after Christmas. At the time I had a delivery job and daily had to be confronted with a Merry Christmas sign in my face that I wanted to rip down.
I think the only thing that will help is the passage of time. Hug your pup. ANd if you don't have one consider adopting and becoming a dog or cat mom? You can make another life all the easier and help your own with the distraction and love. Not to belittle your pain...but focusing on others often helps, I think.
Mom used to love flowers but my dad was one of those clueless men who never thought to give them to her. She used to tell me to give her flowers while she was alive to enjoy them, not after she was dead. I was a teenager at the time, and from that day on, no matter how broke I was, I made sure to give her flowers for every holiday, her birthday and sometimes a small bouquet from Trader Joe's for no other reason than they were pretty and I knew Mom would enjoy them.
As for coping with Mother's Day, I remember other mothers in my life...friends and relatives, and my husband and daughter treat me to dinner at a favorite restaurant. But overall it's become just another day for me.
I hope you will find strength and peace in your kind actions for others.
If we can get grands together this is always a plus even though she may not know them. Mother still loves them loving on her. In short...we make the best we can of the times we have with her. Thoughts of after Mother is gone, then what? Sweet memories! All the memories beginning to end.
We make the best we can of every moment.
Blessings
I dread Father's Day now that my dad is in the NH and not a happy camper. Would love to just skip it. Especially since I’m the only one of 4 daughters that lives by him. It all falls to me and the others get by with their card. Two haven’t visited him in years so I don’t know why they bother. Just something for them to check off
Every time I log onto my computer I see Mothers Day emails. Wish I could opt out!
I think I might take a small gift to a friend who just lost her mother and is also suffering.
My second oldest sister died in 1997. My Mother and eldest sister in 1998 and my youngest sister in 2015. One other sister and I are the only ones remaining and she had a kidney transplant 10 years ago and lives in another part of the state. Now, my husband has mild Alzheimer's.
It's very hard and longly. I
As the days go by, I hope for you to remember that they have never left. They are always within hearing distance and always available to give you comfort. Things are in constant change here on earth, with nothing staying the same very long. Cherish the time you spent together and remember the good times. Sending you hugs and comfort during this difficult time in your life. God bless you!