Ignoring my advice, Dad (90) got scammed again. Do I need to do anything else?
You know the FB Messenger scam where a "friend" contacts you about this awesome grant that they just got and you can get it too? Well, dad fell for it. He's been involved with this since early September and just now thought to mention it to me. He is waiting on his $50,000 in exchange for the $10,000 processing fees he sent them. He filled out a form that gathered every bit of information that an ID thief could want. I'm five hours away with a very ill husband and am trying to address this as best I can from here.
He has (or had?) Lifelock and they did provide some general advice last night. I've taken over dad's email and FB accounts, changed passwords, reported the fake account, but I cannot figure out how to actually report the activity itself to FB. Plus the need to contact all the credit bureaus.
I sent him to his bank this morning and I am hoping they will involve the police as a report needs to be filed with them.
I am thankful for the FedEx employee that showed him the address on his package of $8,000 was an abandoned trailer, not the office of a grant-making agency. Dad sent it any way, then changed his mind and asked them to send it back. Supposedly it was never delivered, but how do you explain the "all $100 bills" coming back as a mixture of hundreds and fifties?
Is there anything else I am missing that needs to be done? I sure hope the stress of this doesn't bring on a heart attack.
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That would be unusual in my experience.
The bank has told me that if I come in with a key to the box, then I have access to it.
After mom died, dad had the will redrawn at the advice of a lawyer friend to a very simple 50/50 split between my sister and I. The lawyer said this was a better way to do things and would avoid probate. From what I read here, I wonder about that counsel.
I have one comment, which is that YOUR husband has dementia, among other ailments. Allowing him to tell you whether or not to put bills on autopay is just crazy. The dementia patient should not be "driving the bus".
You need to get on the credit agency sites and freeze his credit. (They won't know if you did it or he did.) I doubt he'll be applying for credit anymore anyway, so just keep it frozen. The important thing is not to lose the unlocking password they'll send to him. (Intercept it if possible.) That's the only way to unlock his credit if needed, but I'll tell you, I locked my parents' credit and never unlocked it for the rest of their lives.
You need to get Dad moved somewhere. He's not safe, and money isn't the only danger he's in if someone knows the name and address of a vulnerable old man.
You do need to take control of his finances and assets because he cannot be allowed to be in charge of them anymore.
You say that your dad is lonely since your mom died last year. Know what happens next? He'll get scammed by some woman. Then his money is gone and what can you do if he has to go into care or needs to hire homecare? Likely the scam will be an internet romance with some woman in a third-world foreign country. Or like what happened to my father. He got scammed by a homeless, alcoholic prostitute half his age. He bought her a home, a car, and she ran up the bills. Then he had a stroke and had to go in a nursing home. I became responsible for putting out the fires and trying to clean up the mess. I don't want this to happen to you. Please go for conservator/guardianship.
You must think about what your life (and your dad's life) would be like if you came in after this type of catastrophe and he had no resources to pay for any future care. This scamming is very prevalent because it is easy to pull off and very difficult to prosecute. The crooks just skip town to their next victim. They know how to drain accounts quickly and with as little evidence as possible. Please read on this forum under the topic Frauds and Scams if you want to know what the aftermath can be like for the children of elderly victims. I realize you are reluctant to have to deal with this plus your own husband's needs (and totally understandable!). Is there any other relative who could manage things? Even some of his needs? I truly wish you much success in finding a solution that doesn't burden you further yet still protects your dad.
I took a different approach, beyond taking control of finances. I've been through the "charity donation", and as posted elsewhere sometime ago, I leveraged the desire to help others to become more involved. Quick research on most of the worst greedy charities reflected that their execs were paid more like real business execs. And some made over $100,000 annually, which no one in our family ever has.
So, when solicitations were received, I checked out the entity, located the data on exec compensation, and advised that it was over $100K. No donation was given. I also did research on really good charities, and we concentrated donations on those entities. Eventually, I took over all finances b/c of difficulty in writing checks and the entire issue of donation became mute.
Your father's situation is different, but could be verified by tracing the source of the alleged grant if it had been possible for you to be aware of your father's activities. And therein lies the problem.
I agree that more control needs to be in place up front, before any solicitations, or "great offers" are received. The control needs to be at the source.
I would like some information though, if you don't mind. Has Lifelock actually done anything to monitor his credit, and advise you, or was the info provided just general information? I ask b/c Norton has taken a different twist in getting involved in this, and claims to be a top notch monitoring entity. However, they never advise of anything other than their perceived greatness.
Will your father let you become involved in monitoring his mail, and his FB account? If not the latter, can you D/C the account entirely and find a way to prevent him from opening another account? (I never have and never will use FB for anything and am uncertain of options, especially since Zuckerberg is now under such stress that he's considering renaming his cash cow.)
Other advice is good, but I know how devastating it can be when someone takes control of a basic human need for managing one's own finances. Can you think of a way to become involved in his finances by working with him, perhaps on a weekly basis to pay the bills, then follow it with a meal out, drive around to see the leaves, or visiting someplace soothing, like a park?
My thoughts are linking joint bill playing to pleasant activities, so that he wants you to work with him to manage his funds.
You can also create a financial plan, fudging a little if you have to, reflecting that he'll run out of money if he doesn't follow a specific financial management plan? Then reward him with a meal out, or new clothing, or something he enjoys, when he adheres to the plan?
You know him better than we can; is there some way you can get him to rely on you more before engaging in spending activities with unknown entities?
On the other issues, contact the State Police and find out if they have a specific task force for frauds. Ours did, some years ago.
Sorry I can't come up with more ideas; these are always challenging situations.
Anything of value that I wanted from Lifelock always brought me to a message that I (well he) needs to call and upgrade his membership. I came to the conclusion that what he is paying for is no better than Protect My ID from AAA, which is free. I am not impressed with Lifelock.
I am now monitoring his email and his Facebook.
Living five hours away, and having a husband in poor health, makes it difficult for me to just go see dad any time I want. He does put all his bills (on automatic payments) on his credit card, so that is the only check he writes for bills each month. Thankfully, he is not behind on anything because of doing this. I actually think that is wise and would do the same if my husband would let me.
Dad did file a report yesterday with the State Police financial crimes department.
Your father cannot be allowed to have access to money. No more.
You have to petition the probate court in the town he lives in for conservatorship/guardianship over him.
If he's already lost thousands of dollars because he's mailing boxes of cash to scammers on the internet, that will graduate to him also giving out his home address and inviting them over.
Apply for conservatorship because he can't look after himself anymore.
If you are not his FPoA or legal guardian I'm not sure you can control what he does with his money. The bank is not responsible, either.
Your dad sounds like he has enough incapacity which means his PoA needs to take over managing his affairs asap. Sending him to his bank by himself won't solve anything. Honestly if you're going to spend energy reporting the scam I personally think your energy is better spent on time with him in person to figure out if he's even really capable of living on his own anymore. I appreciate you reporting the scam but I think you have bigger fish to fry first. Wishing you success in recovering what you can and moving forward with a plan for your dad.