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My husband was a Vietnam Vet and we married when I was 23 and I've been a housewife since but my age seems to keep me from receiving help. I'm in the same condition as a 60 yr old would've been. He did everything down to buying my clothes and the little jobs I had he stayed right there with me. I've not ever felt this way. I'm totally brain dead, scared and afraid to leave our home we built together in 1995. I had a brain before I met him but now nothing. Any words from wisdom or advice? The insurance money is running out and the survivors benefit we had isn't enough to pay everything. It will cover the mortgage for another year or so. I have no friends or family to help. I sure needed someone when I finally received insurance money.

You let yourself become a dependent housewife at age 23, and have stayed in that mindset for 34 years. You “have no friends or family to help”. No children? Now you need a hand-out and a savior.

Perhaps the most straightforward thing to do would be to find a job which gives you some income and some co-workers to become your friends. You need that, even when you do turn 60, 65 or 70 and have more hope of getting some ‘benefits’. Unless you qualify for intellectual disability benefits, you simply MUST stand on your own feet.

Is it worth tracking down any ‘family’ you once had? Did your DH alienate them? He sounds very controlling, even if that's not how you think of him.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Aids and Attendance cannot be gotten till 65. You are probably not entitled to much if husband was just in the military a couple of years. Doesn't hurt to try.

Call your Social Service office and see what kind of help u can get. Also, ur ffice of Aging.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You're not totally "brain dead" if you're able to create an account here and post legible questions for us! If you were denied disabilty twice, then you do not have needs that VA Aid and Attendance benefits would pay for either, such as requiring help with 3 Activities of Daily Living. Like toileting, dressing yourself or feeding.

It sounds like you're having anxiety issues more than anything else, and afraid to do things for yourself independently now. Have you seen your doctor to discuss your anxiety and possible depression? There are meds and therapy available to help you. Anxiety can cause fuzzy thinking. So can being 100% taken care of for your whole adult life. You DO have the ability to care for yourself, you just don't realize it! Go see your doctor right away.

In your last post to us, you were given some good advice about downsizing. Did you read the comments? Not all are appropriate because we didn't know you were 57 when you posted.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/my-late-husband-was-the-money-maker-and-i-stayed-home-i-need-help-with-the-mortgage-note-488030.htm

Do contact the social security administration to apply for your late husband's social security benefits if you haven't already done so. Also your local VA office to see if any benefits at all are available to you. An elder care attorney can advise you as well.

Good luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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JoAnn29 Aug 13, 2024
She cannot collect SS as a widow till 60.
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I would think you would be entitled to his social security and VA Benefits . I do Not Know Much about the VA benefits .
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Reply to KNance72
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JoAnn29 Aug 13, 2024
Can't collect SS until 60 if a widow unless u have minor kids and then only till they are 16. The kids collect till 18.
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