My body is weak and in pain major anxeity like I am choking! Just really under stress but can't just walk away from caring for my Mom till I receive help from another caregiver I am burnt out major anxiety and feeling gloomy pain through my whole body and very weak .
"I reclaim my peace and harmony. I am safe. No one can take my inner peace away. I am calm. I am safe. I take care of myself. I give the rest to God."
Realizing you are already taking on a huge act of kindness, give yourself room to let go. Mentally allow the load to lift. Carve out your separate space wherever, however, and for any length of time that you can. Find a safe haven. I would never rely on drugs. Look at diet, and control your own mind. There is always a way to find your inner joy. If you can find others to give you room to go somewhere without your mother, even wondering around a store, a library, or walking around the block, or spend time with a happy kitten. You can find your inner joy again. It is there. We are wired with it.
The more I give the struggle of my mother's life to God, the better I can take care of myself and be of service. The more I let go of guilt, the happier I am with myself. It is a struggle. Like being in a war zone!
If there is any money available, pay for a day of respite care each week. Who cares if she hates it? It's one day. On your day off, get a massage, and then go to the Elder Affairs office and find out what they can do for you.
If there is NO money available, get her onto Medicaid, and they will pay for some respite care.
I don't know about you but the holidays were very stressful. My kids were home from college and my mom was jealous and feel ignored. It has to be all about her or she is not happy. Also had a very sick horse! Who is going to be fine but it was touch and go for a while.
I also thought about respite care and/or taking a brief vacation. My mom had a psychotic episode last night and I called hospice to report. They told me to give her some seroquel which calmed her down. She just kept screaming how she hated living with me and no one cares about her. She doesn't want to go to a nursing home. I do have activated medical POA so I could force her. But I couldn't live with the guilt. I could see her balling as they take her away kicking and screaming. She is not able to live on her own. When she was having this episode I did think of calling social services to do I am not sure what? Hospice was going to come out but she resolved with the meds.
Like you, my health is being greatly affected. I am pre-diabetic and my blood sugars have been up and down. Actually passed out for a while in a store. What am I wondering for you also if you go to the doctor and since you are their patient and advocate for you can they call someone and say a nursing home is probably the best option before you end up in the hospital. My therapist says at the minimum at least do respite care. It would relieve my guilt some if the doctor said it was necessary. Hope this helps you.
overwhelm, I'm sure not trying to say you have diabetes, but I am pointing out that just because you are caregiving and you have symptoms doesn't mean the symptoms are necessarily related to caregiving!
So my first advice is to have a through medical exam, bringing in a list of all the symptoms you are experiencing. Also take a friend or relative with you who can act as your advocate and insist that all symptoms are taken seriously and all appropriate test are done.
Secondly, call your county social services department. Explain that you are caring for your Mom but that you are having a health crisis and you cannot do this alone, at least until/unless you get your own health under control. Explain what kind of care your mother needs.
Just as the airlines tell you to put your own air mask on first and then help others, first you have to manage your own health before you can effectively help anyone else.
But I know it is really no good just telling you that. Duh. You KNOW you need to take care of yourself! But what about Mother? Believe me, I struggled with that issue myself. You are in no shape right now to take on the daunting task of setting up alternate care for her. Get help getting help. I suggest Social Services. Another resource might be the Agency on Aging in your state.
Please, please, look up the numbers for these places tonight. Call them first thing in the morning.
Maybe this is burnout. Maybe it isn't. Maybe when you regain your health you'll be better able to cope with caregiving. Maybe you will at least be strong enough to oversee your mother's welfare without doing all the hands-on work.
But start taking action now. You deserve it.