I'm a daughter that has been restricted from any and all access to my Mother (6 months) because I question the siblings that have Financial and Medical POA. Mom has cognitive impairment from a stroke in September 2017. Our father passed away in December 2017 caring for Mom. They lied to Mom to have her move out of her home into a nursing home. They moved into her home and took control of Mom's money. I have proof of emotional and financial exploitation. I also reported the abuse to the authorities, but the abuse continues. I've repeatedly called APS to inform them that the financial abuse continues and all I'm told is the investigation is on-going.
I've begged the Department of Health and Human Services to try and mediate a reconciliation with my Mother. I've been told that Mom doesn't want to see me because I'm at odds with my siblings. Yes, that's true and because my siblings are exploiting our Mother. When I asked if my Mom understood why I'm at odds with my siblings I was informed that they don't ask why because that's personal. If the department asks "do you want to see daughter #2" and Mom's response is "no". That's it. No further inquiry.
I need a support group because I don't know how to go on with my life without my Mother. The nursing home is only 20 minutes from my home. I feel as though I'm dying from my broken heart. Is there anyone who is dealing with similar family situation. I hope to gain friendships that we'll be able to help each other move forward.
Thank you.
My mom is now telling one of my aunts that I took stuff from her house & there are things missing from her drawers. ........I know it wasn't me since I haven't been there. My brother is a controlling spiteful person who loves to sue people in court. He was in divorce court for 22 years with his ex wife!
im just afraid something will happen to my mom & I'll never get to see her again & I'll never forgive him or my nieces for this!
I know how much this hurts & it's so expensive to hire a lawyer. The one I spoke to the other day wanted a $7500 retainer. Im going to make an appt with another one for a consultation to see if anything can be done.
I also contacted elderly services multiple times & they told me it's clear brother is using undue influence & manipulating her but they don't do anything. They say to get a lawyer & the police say the same thing.
My mom is 96 & lives across the st from me so I can't get away from it. I took care of her for 2 yrs prior to this with no help at all from bro. He was " too busy" but when she could no longer handle her finances he stepped in & pushed me out.
I wish you luck......please let us know how you make out. My best to you!
When it came to helping me care for Mom prior to the nursing home I was told "you asked for Mom so don't ask for help". What they did do is take our brain injured Mother out to bars and feed her alcohol and drop her back off at my house for my husband and I to deal with Mom coming down off the intoxication. They didn't seem to grasp that alcohol wasn't beneficial in Mom's recovery.
I am also interested in starting a support group for elder victims and their families here in the mid-west and online. We can help each other and maybe create friendships. If you know of anyone that could benefit please pass along. If you would like to exchange information (email/phone) to chat I wouldn't mind making a new friend.
Good luck to you too!
Thank you for your support.
You sound terribly upset, and I can understand it. However your relatives have found some way to convince the facility that meeting you would not be good for your mother, and have quite possibly influenced APS and Department of Health and Human Services with the same story. The story might possibly be that you are so emotional about the situation that it would upset your mother. That you had a different plan for your mother to follow after your father’s death, and that you continue to push it against your mother’s choice. This may be completely untrue, but it may sound quite convincing. If so, it would perhaps help if you could back off for a while and let your heart heal. Your mother is being cared for in the nursing home, so you will leave her in safe hands there. She may not be doing the everyday things that you are missing, but you do not need to worry for her welfare.
Don’t let your distress ruin your own life, and make things even harder for your husband and children. Time may resolve the problem, and you need to keep yourself in good shape. Best wishes until we both find that wonderful magic wand!
I'm trying to overcome my anguish from the sake of my husband and children. I pray that the Lord will reunite us soon.
I am also interested in starting a support group for elder victims and their families here in the mid-west and online. We can help each other and maybe create friendships. If you know of anyone that could benefit please pass along.
Thank you for your support.
a death from which there is no closure. Although I do not have family members
behaving like this, I have had family "friends" and NH staff behave similarly.
The ugly truth is that for predatory type people, all bets are off when it involves
money. It's a real heartbreaking eye opener. You have to find a way to come to
some peace about this as hard as it is. If you have belief in God or Higher
Power, now is the time to strengthen this practice.
Fighting this type of thing can be very $$ and like you stated, a positive outcome
is not guaranteed. If your Mom has declined cognitively, the sad truth is that she
may not be aware enough to advocate for herself. And your sibs can make up
anything about you, and if they're charming and articulate enough, they will
likely be believed instead of you. By just about everybody.
I've found that NH staff, again if predatory in nature, will suss out the power structure in families and take sides. NH's are also in business and want to sidle up to those who will have the money as they often need legacies/donations to help defray costs.
I think Sendhelp has some of the best advice, amongst all the other great advice
you've gotten Find a way, somehow, to bear this pain regardless of outcome
and be there for yourself and your family. This type of situation can eat you up.
I know, because I let my situation eat me alive and it did a lot of harm to my health
my finances as well as my relationship with my son.
Wishing you the very best of luck!! (((hugs)))
I've told my husband numerous times that I do not have any feeling for my siblings and will not focus my efforts on them. I know that my siblings will have to answer for their actions one day, but I pray that it is sooner rather than later. I will continue my efforts to be reunited with my Mother because to me that is all that matters.
I am also interested in starting a support group for elder victims and their families here in the mid-west and online. We can help each other and maybe create friendships. If you know of anyone that could benefit please pass along.
Thank you for your support.
Seeing your Mom is not happening anytime soon today, or even this month maybe.
But just around the corner.....things will be changing.
Do not miss this time with your children. Be their Mom so they won't be writing us how they lost their Mom to despair over her own Mom.
Did your Mom teach you how to be a good mother? Then, do that, everyday.
Thank you.
Good luck!
I feel hopeless as every effort I've made to be reunited with Mom has been fruitless. I will continue my fight legally and I may feel hopeless now, but my deep love for my Mother will not let me give up. My Mother is my angel on earth.
Thank you.
If your therapist is not helping you with that, find a new therapist. It would be the therapist who knows of support groups, imo.
Instead of a support group, I think you need a professional to confide in. You may not be in a good place to be supporting others in a group at this time. Add the group members pain and if you take that on, it can cause you added stress and pain. Can you see a therapist twice a week for awhile?
Why would you need a probate attorney if Mom is still alive?
You may need an attorney to protect your Mom. However, you may need a separate attorney to protect yourself. Are there any criminal charges being filed against you? Can you take a friend with you at appointments? Is there anyone that you trust?
No one can predict the future and say that you will never see your Mom again.
That is just false, a lie. Throw that lie out, and start again. Given time.....there can be reconciliation. There are even attorneys who specialize in mediation.
A probate attorney files guardianship cases for the elderly. A contested guardianship fees are anywhere from $5,000 - $20,000 and I may not prevail. I have not done anything criminal to warrant any criminal charges.
I understand that no one can predict the future. I feel hopeless as every effort I've made to be reunited with Mom has been fruitless. I may feel hopeless now, but my deep love for my Mother will not let me give up. My Mother is my angel on earth.
Thank you.
I'm just trying to seek a person, people, group that I can talk to and maybe develop a friendship and help one another move forward and overcome despair.
Because you're an adult, with a family and children of your own; and because your wider family's situation is unusual (it won't be entirely unique, but there won't either be an exact match); it's hard to know where to suggest. My guess would be that *most* (not you, I understand that) adult children who are prevented from having access to a parent have backgrounds to their story that you yourself would find it hard to accept, let alone have much common ground with.
It's also hard because you don't know how long this is going to go on. It won't be forever. There may be painful adjustments to be made, but from the point of view of your mother's welfare - unless there's something significant we don't know about - it can't be policy to deprive her of contact with you for good.
Does anything help? Are you writing to her, or keeping a journal?
When my Mother was healthy we had disagreements, but we never fought or stopped speaking to one another. When Mom was released from the hospital I wanted to help her recover and live a "normal" life ( doing all the things she loved that she was capable of doing). I miss the everyday things we did like talking about our day, making dinner together, helping my son with school work, shopping, going to church, etc. I just want to be there for her and create new memories.
It's very hard getting through each day without her. I wake up missing her her, think about what she maybe doing throughout the day, and pray for her before I go to sleep. I'm consumed by despair.
I'm really sad to read this ladyshfr, not because you don't have every right to look for whatever support you need - of course you do - but because I'm afraid you might not realise that we do support you. We just don't necessarily agree that what you're thinking of doing will get you the result you want.
What's happened over the last couple of weeks? Have you had any luck asking for a supervised visit with your mother, for example?