I'm my elderly mom's primary caretaker and was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My sister was helping a little, but now she's pulling out even though she knows about my health. What can I do?
I don't see any way out of my situation. I am my elderly mom's primary caretaker and she's my only friend. I have two siblings who are lazy and won't help me or mom. I was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and do not have good medical support for this either. My sister was helping with my mom a little but now she is pulling out even though she knows about my health and even though I have asked over and over again for help. I am not even well enough to deal with any of this and I have no money and neither does my mom. I'm doing the best I can, but someone should be taking care of me, not the other way around. Please, no mean or harsh answers. I'm very sensitive and have been through hell in my life. My mom doesn't have money for assisted living and doesn't qualify for Medicaid due to owning a house that we are unable to sell at this time because it is out of the area and neither of us are even well enough to deal with that.
I very much hope you can find a way to deal with everything you have on your plate. Sending you a big hug and a prayer for courage and strength at this difficult time.
About your mom's house and Medicaid though. The rules for it are different for being at home on Medicaid or using it to pay for care facility placement.
Medicaid is based on whether or not people are low enough income. If you have no income or low enough income you will meet Medicaid requirements and may even be able to get some home/health services for yourself.
My mother is on Medicare and Medicaid. Medicaid is a federal program, so if she and you meet the federal requirements for it, you can get it. She owns a house and lives in it. So do I. She and you will qualify for homecare services that will cost nothing up front, out-of-pocket for either of you. What happens with Medicaid is that those services will have to be paid back after the person passes away if they have assets. Your mother has the asset of her house. After she passes away, that will have to be sold to pay back any Medicaid-paid homecare services she may receive. Unless it's been taken out of her name or put into an Irrevocable Trust longer than the 5-year look back period Medicaid does on finances.
Medicaid is not unreasonable and from what you're saying here, you certainly are a hardship case. They take that into consideration. People often make the mistake in thinking that Medicaid is this greedy and merciless entity that will stop at nothing to take everything a sick or elderly person has. Not true. That's how the business end of nursing homes, assisted livings, and memory care facilities operate. The two are not the same thing. Your mother's home may very well be an exempt asset because you're a hardship and live there.
InFamilyService makes an excellent point lower on the thread. Your doctor can set you up with a social worker who can help you with all of this. I'll be honest with you. I've had good experiences dealing with social workers and bad ones. It would be worth it for you to be in touch with one though. Please ask your doctor about it, and keep us posted.
It is obvious your siblings are not interested in helping either of you.
I feel so bad for you being alone with all this. You need to take care of yourself.
Think about contacting your church, friends, cousins, anyone that may help sort through some arrangements.
Mom may qualify for medicaid anyway and maybe you too. I do not know your age.
Where do you both live now?
There are also several legal NPO's in Nevada that help with these things. This is not an endorsement...Southern Nevada Senior Law Program — Helping Seniors Understand Their Legal Rights in Southern Nevada (snslp.org)... just something I found with a quick search. They may be able to give you more options and help so that takes some stress off of you.
They do not make other real estate such as summer homes, income property, undeveloped land parcels, boats, or motor vehicles exempt. They aren't in the business of preserving assets as possible inheritance for a person's heirs.
The mother can be approved for Medicaid in advance of her other property being sold. It has to be posted as you say at the fair market price. Still having the property in her ownership will not prevent her getting approved for Medicaid.