I've been the family caregiver my whole life. Told to take care of younger siblings. Then my parents divorced, and I tried to provide financial and emotional support to both parents. Then my mom got cancer and I took her to all her appointments. Then my grandmother needed help, too. Then my father had a stroke, and I also managed all his care and his home. It's been almost 6 years since he passed, and I still feel angry and resentful with my siblings.
My sisters don't show me any respect, care, or consideration. Made to feel like the family scapegoat. I tried so hard to be selfless and it has meant nothing.
Is it hopeless? Should I live with this estrangement and indifference?
I would consider getting help. Tell your therapist going in exactly what you told us. Comb through new ways of living,new goals, new boundaries to protect yourself. It's clear to us here you value, your WORTH, from all you have done. Now it needs to get clear for YOU in your own head. Once it is there, you will no longer need the evaluation of others.
I surely do wish you the very best. I hope you will update us as you explore new ways of being. There are people out there who are good, kind and loving. Go get em!
Then be grateful for the new opportunity to care for yourself now!
I am curious - what does 'being selfless' mean to you?
I personally dislike the word selfless. (Why have less self?) I also dislike the work selfish. But I DO like the term self-care. It is self*respecting*.
Maybe with self-love, you may love your own traits, forgive the others for being who they are & avoid astrangement. Happy day to you.
I agree with you and self care and self respect and self love are important.
Appreciate your kind answer.
I understand perfectly how you feel. I didn't have as much as a time as you did since I only looked out for my mom. But my siblings didn't help much thats for sure. I was always looking out for my mom from the time my dad died when I was four and throughout my mom's life.
For instance when my older brother defaulted on a loan my mom had cosigned for him. This was when I was about 18 yrs. old. I found my mom crying in her room one day cause she had to pay his loan and had no money for groceries or bill payments that mth. I had four older siblings at the time. I told my mom no problem, I'd give her the money. No one else stepped up to offer and one sister even gave me grief cause I slept in the day my mom went to the bank. Mom got the money no problem but my one sister still glared at me cause I'd slept in that day. Even when she could have helped out but didn't.
Fast forward to my mom's declining years. Same thing. I did most everything but got criticized on how I did it from sibs. The gall when you think about it. Standing on the sidelines watching someone knock themselves out and criticize instead of pitching in. Or visiting mom, seeing that things look bad and instead of stepping up, phoning me to do something and then tell me how I didn't do it right afterward. When my mom died we wouldn't have even had a ceremony to say good bye if I had not arranged it. It was like herding cattle, but harder.
I've never been respected by my sibs. I know I never will. I've learned to not expect it. Once you learn to have no expectations from your sibs you'll learn not to care anymore. One other thing changed along the way. I lost all respect for them too. I don't look up to them, don't care what they think of me anymore and that's that.
Forget about them. Instead be proud of yourself and all you've done.
verrry good point.
there’s a natural tendency to look up to our older siblings, even admire them.
i’m the youngest also.
like you, gershun:
i’ve lost all respect for them, too.
Maybe her sibs are the ones with the problems cause they need to feel superior so they made Cdnreader a scapegoat. Maybe they should examine themselves.
Theres no excuse for treating someone bad whether she chose to take on the responsibility or not.
Its never acceptable behavior. Whether someone has self esteem problems or not.
sometimes it’s best to release toxic relationships and let the trash take itself out . Make a goal - fall in love , go on that hiking trip , buy that sexy dress , put on some make up and go out and have some fun . Focus on you now and the rest of your life - stay happy and healthy and find a new hobby like gardening . You can do it - this is your life .
“But payback will come. Rest assure that payback will come.”
Music to my ears.
Sincerely yours,
Hello Karma
I wish you peace and much love moving forward. Seek out professional help if you need to but be well and don’t let them win! You are the winner here!