When my mum asks where my dad is, I have been telling her he has passed away, she does not get upset or angry, she just says she keeps forgetting, and asks me the details of his passing. It has been suggested that it maybe best to say my dad has gone out etc, however this causes even more problems, so I always keep repeating myself that he has passed away. The problem is every evening she is getting up to make him something to eat, expecting him to come in, and I spend my evenings trying to stop her. It's relentless and I don't know how to deal with this. If anyone is experiencing anything similar, I'd be interested to know what would be the best way to deal with this, as I tried letting her go ahead and make something, which was advised by the dementia nurse, but when she wakes in the morning and finds the sandwiches still there on the plate she just throws it away, and it starts all over again with me trying to prevent her from preparing sandwiches for him. Many thanks.
You couldn't eat the sandwiches? Don't try to stop her making them. Or, if she wants to be involved in food prep, how about finding her something to do that's actually useful?
i just want to say: how sweet of your mother.
i understand it's problematic, but it's so loving of your mother.
Let her make the sandwiches. It brings her comfort because it's something she can control.
For 15+ years she’d been inviting people to her home and parading them into my house (we were neighbours) at mealtimes. Yes, she was difficult and demanding, with a long list of her own boundaries but no respect for mine. But that’s another topic.
Nothing I said or did would dissuade her from this fixation. I hope you survive the odd obsessive phases of her broken brain.
As long as she's throwing the food out ( or you are), it gives her a connection. It is a sign of love, and caring. Even with the dementia.
Is this causing an economic hardship? Is there food for her and your house hold?
In some faith traditions, it is a real thing to leave a snack for the deceased.
The hardest conversation I had with my mom was "where are my sisters, are they here?" She didn't loose it when I told the truth.
It is hard on you, when you are having to answer this heart breaking question, and deal with this daily.
What about including her in dinner preparations? Then make up a plate for dad that he can microwave. Then this can be used as lunch for the next day.
With food prices what they are, I am sure you could find someone in the neighborhood that would appreciate the extra food.
When telling them the truth causes more problems than using a fiblet, then we have to get even more creative with our stories. Again, there's no 'right or wrong' way to deal with a demented person in this area. Do whatever you have to do to help your mom to the best of your ability.
I hope this phase passes for your mom soon.
Best of luck.