If she wants to sleep and not get out of bed should I make her get up for several hours each day. She is losing strength because of inactivity and soon will not be able to do anything for herself. She wants me to move her around bring her things to her and use her depends as a toilet. She does show signs of dentia but physically there is nothing wrong. She is 81.
I would suggest a bed bath at least twice a week or more often if the patient is large or sweats a lot. Paying particular attention to skin folds and the peri area which should be thoroughly washed every day. When some one is incontinent that area need to be washed with plain water or soap and water or a wet wipe every time they void or have a bowel movement.
it is very difficult to say when someone is lazy, abusing their caregiver or really dealing sith an expected decline at age 81. If possible they should be encourages to get out of bed at least for short periods and if possible walk a little even if it is only round their bedroom. This helps with breathing and circulation which in turn helps prevent bedsores.
As far as washing the hair is concerned, it really depends on how much hair the patient still has left. If someone is bald or has very thin hair it might be possible to simply wash the head but for fuller locks some kind of shampoo is needed. I personally hate those shower type shampoo caps. They are easy to use and warm up nicely BUT my hair felt horrible afterwards.
There are cape like contraptions that allow you to use real water right in the bed. if your loved one can still leave the house a visit to a beauty parlor once a week makes a good excuse to get them out of the house.
Sitting out of bed for meals if possible helps digestion and also helps prevent aspiration especially if there are swallowing difficulties. Each situation and patient are unique so where possible try to follow the patient's wishes but don't forget your common sense.
Mom may hate a shower because she gets chilled but welcome a good wash down in her own bedroom, Just make sure to dry each part as you wash it. The bath tub can be frightening but maybe your loved one will tolerate being washed down stilton a shower chair. A walk in bath tub is another great option if the funds are available for installation.