I suspect my father's wife is being verbally abusive, if not somewhat physically abusive to him also. The nurse at the retirement apartment where they live suggested installing a hidden camera, I had the same advice from my personal counselor. I am his DPOA, his ALZ is moderate stage. In talking with my husband we are in agreement that it probably should be done, but are concerned about how to do it without causing her to become more angry. She contends that she can care for him by herself, but the last two times I have been with him in the past two weeks, his hair wasn't combed (also BAD haircut, hadn't trimmed his eyebrows,ear hair or nose hair) which is highly unusual for him as he has always been immaculately groomed. She also never lets him go anywhere with me alone, always insists on coming along. This is a short term marriage-4 years.
You do NOT have the right install hidden cameras in other people's homes without their consent.
You might say you are taking him for a haircut, and see what her reaction is to that, also. Getting his hair cut might not be neglect, but I think not even combing it is. Ask the attorney about that, and about your options if she IS neglecting him. As another person said, this wasn't what she signed up for, although the fact that they have only been married four years makes me wonder why she didn't think that this might be a possibility, or even if she wanted it to be. It's hard not to be suspicious, especially when other people are noticing the meanness.
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