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Read Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End
by Atul Gawande. It gives 5 questions to help guide you through these difficult times. As far as depression goes, answering these questions may help, but I am struggling with: when is it fine to be unhappy with life's circumstances, and it not be considered depression and just realizing physical suffering is not pleasant, and unending. As ContraryMary put it life is not enjoyable and there is no chance that joy can not again be obtained. I have 3 octogenarians and 1 95y/o with very different health issues and the most significant thing for each of them is to feel someone is truly listening to them.
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Thanks..from my heart, to all of you for responding. Having someone that actually can relate give ideas and advice is priceless, and all of you did that for me! It's amazing how people we don't know in person can care and worry enough to help and offer support, that's why this website is a blessing! I'm trying to find ways to deal with the situation, researching what's available here, if nothing else I'll consider getting help for myself (seeing a psychiatrist, exercising, meditating, etc) so I can think about this with some clarity and more energy. The conclusion I get to and I think we all get to the same conclusion is that the situation won't change, WE have to change. Not easy at all, terribly hard actually, yet necessary. Thanks so much again and God bless!!
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Try not to allow the stress of the situation cause you to doubt yourself.
God knows your heart.
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Rosses, it seems that your mother is not very well. You must consult a doctor quickly since a doctor will be able to prescribe medicines according to her current health condition. As your mother is in severe pain, you can give her pain killers as prescribed by a doctor. However, you must visit the doctor who treated your mother's cancer and explain the problems your mother has been facing. Doctors will likely never disappoint you and you can rely on them for prescribing the needed medications. To assist with her depression, you might want to encourage her to watch a TV series or movie, listen to music, or even play a board game with her like Snake and Ladder. This will help give her some relief to her medical issues and get her happy days back soon.
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Well, she could get hooked on the pain killers, but unfortunately so be it unless you can find Holistic measures and even that isn't going to touch that type of pain.
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Dear Rosses,

I'm so sorry to hear how your mom is feeling. I know its very difficult. I can totally sympathize and empathize with your struggle. We all want to do what are parents want, but its a struggle as their health declines.

Please try to talk to your mom more and try to find out what she truly wants. I would still consider taking her to a doctor for an evaluation. I think the more information the better. Maybe they can recommend something to make her more comfortable even.

I had the same struggle with my dad. He was a smoker his whole life, never ate well. But he managed to get to 81 without taking a pill. After his stroke he ended up on 10 pills and almost starved to death in 3 months. We cut back on his pills and he seemed to be doing better for awhile. But then he got stubborn and didn't want to take any pills. I let him get away with it instead of arguing with him. He died at 84 of heart failure. It was his life. His choice. I never wanted him to suffer and have no joy. But in hindsight, I still wished I found another way. I want so badly for my dad to still be alive and with me.

Sorry Rosses. I hope you make the right choice for your mom and you. Thinking of you.
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