My 82 year old mom suffers from several illnesses, but the main concern is that she had cancer 5 years ago, chemo/radio/Herceptin ended about 3 years ago, she was being checked for a while but then she decided to stop. Why? Too much. Too many doctors, hospitals -she'd a mastectomy-, medicines, etc, etc..and I get it, I understand. Plus, even if something was wrong she would not do anything about it (no chemo, etc). So, what'd be the point on putting her through more? Now, my concern is, am I being irresponsible by allowing this doctor-free situation? She's not feeling well, has never, but it's getting worst with intense pain in her entire body which could be severe arthritis or lupus fully developing (she was diagnosed with both illnesses at some point in life), or anything! We live overseas, I used to live in the US but moved here to be with her. I mention this so you know it's not the same medical system than in the US, cannot call a social worker, etc.
Am I setting her up for more suffering than necessary (will any of the illnesses be more cruel by not having her being checked) or am I being considerate by following her wishes? I should mention too that she is deeply depressed, has been for a long time. That makes things more difficult, plus she doesn't really listen to my advice, in her mind I'm "the child". She's a difficult personality too, she wants to be in control.
This is killing me. I pray for wisdom. Hope it comes to me!
by Atul Gawande. It gives 5 questions to help guide you through these difficult times. As far as depression goes, answering these questions may help, but I am struggling with: when is it fine to be unhappy with life's circumstances, and it not be considered depression and just realizing physical suffering is not pleasant, and unending. As ContraryMary put it life is not enjoyable and there is no chance that joy can not again be obtained. I have 3 octogenarians and 1 95y/o with very different health issues and the most significant thing for each of them is to feel someone is truly listening to them.
God knows your heart.
I'm so sorry to hear how your mom is feeling. I know its very difficult. I can totally sympathize and empathize with your struggle. We all want to do what are parents want, but its a struggle as their health declines.
Please try to talk to your mom more and try to find out what she truly wants. I would still consider taking her to a doctor for an evaluation. I think the more information the better. Maybe they can recommend something to make her more comfortable even.
I had the same struggle with my dad. He was a smoker his whole life, never ate well. But he managed to get to 81 without taking a pill. After his stroke he ended up on 10 pills and almost starved to death in 3 months. We cut back on his pills and he seemed to be doing better for awhile. But then he got stubborn and didn't want to take any pills. I let him get away with it instead of arguing with him. He died at 84 of heart failure. It was his life. His choice. I never wanted him to suffer and have no joy. But in hindsight, I still wished I found another way. I want so badly for my dad to still be alive and with me.
Sorry Rosses. I hope you make the right choice for your mom and you. Thinking of you.