My 92 year old mother is healthy physically but she has a severe short term memory deficit. She still lives in her own apartment and we have made arrangements for someone to see her everyday. “We” includes my brother and his wife, their daughter and me. I wonder if for psychosocial benefits it would be best for her to be in an assisted living facility. She seems happy but her latest saying is, “Come often and stay long!” I believe she turns on a tv at 5:00 pm until around 9:00 but otherwise sits in her chair listening to talk radio. She no longer reads. Is that sufficient and reasonable to maintain what is best for her? Or are we kidding ourselves that it's ok. She is, in my opinion, incapable of knowing how someplace different might help. Or does it?
The last sentence fits as well. Initially she was miffed, but she eventually was content. The place was great, mom was well cared for and SAFE. She had 3 good meals per day, with snacks and coffee between. There were plenty of others around for socializing and varied activities for the residents.
Assisted Living/Memory Care can help her by providing 3 hot meals a day and snacks, socialization, activities.........help with showers, and about 1000 other things that she'll need as her memory continues to evaporate. Don't wait until it's an emergency before you place her out of harm's way. Most people don't even understand dementia and all the facets of it......so read all about it and then make your decision accordingly. "Psychosocial" benefits are only 1 of many, many benefits to living with caregivers who work around the clock.
My mother turned 94 yesterday & I cannot believe how far downhill she's gone in the past 6 months ALONE. It's staggering what she can no longer do on her own, including using the TV and the phone lots of times! If she didn't have caregivers to help her, I shudder to think how she'd be able to function at all with moderate dementia at play.
Good luck.
It's time to start investigating other options.
As far as it being healthy, I think that’s a matter of opinion. Some will say if family comes by every day then she’s fine. But to me it sounds like she’s pretty isolated and is merely existing at this point instead of living. I’m leaning toward this being an unsafe and unhealthy environment but I don’t know it’s correct to say that AL would be healthier, because of COVID. It would be better because she would be amongst other adults & have daily activities to participate in
Learned LONG ago when watching The Electric Company with my kids:
IF.... is a very big word....
Please make a consultation appointment with a good elder care attorney to learn your options about protecting and/or utilizing her assets to best serve her. You should have a durable POA and health care proxy in place before you make any major changes. Any changes in memory should be documented with her primary care physician. Lastly, if she has sizable assets hire a local caretaker (besides family) to keep her company and take care of her household needs for a few hours a day. I think that would be a help to all of you and give you some time to make a good assessment before you decide on moving her to an AL facility. Best of luck to you!
I would suggest a life alert button for her. Does she need help cooking and cleaning?
If possible, could the visitor join her for a meal? Lunch or dinner.
I cook a well balanced dinner, with plenty of extra to bring for Mom and share a meal.
Also, perhaps a schedule for a daily call. I call my Mom each evening around 7.
Hoping your Mom can stay in her apartment, especially during the pandemic.
Best wishes.
We added some "safety" features for mom, including a flashing light for the doorbell, a timed/locked dispenser for meds, and cameras. Her hearing wasn't great and she would often forget to replace the battery in it, leaving her mostly deaf. She misplaced the portable phone (there was a wall phone too) multiple times. She dismantled the flashing light. She would miss the alarms, etc on the dispenser. She switched the thermostat from Cool to Heat, mid-summer! The place was SO hot (the heat wasn't running, but with all windows closed, heat and humidity built up!) One brother put in a Nest thermo - he could monitor and control it through WiFi, she didn't know how to mess with it. He also put in a cipher lock on the door, also able to control it and set it to lock at night.
We tried bringing in aides, 1hr/day, to check on her and see that she took the meds. That didn't last 2 months (she refused to let them in.) If she had an alert button, that would have been misplaced as well. Too often she would put away "supplies" and then forget she had them, use other things (wrapping items in torn up plastic bags for freezing, despite having baggies, plastic wrap, tin foil, etc) and ask for me to pick up more.
I also made extra for some meals (lasagna, mac 'n cheese, chili) that I could freeze and bring to her. I did not live close enough to provide daily meals. No clue how far away OP is, but that isn't always an option. She flat out refused to even consider MOW. She forgot how to cook things, so she relied on frozen dinners and junk.
Sometimes it just isn't easy trying to keep them in their own place, esp when memory issues are the big concern. Without being there all the time, we have NO way to know what deficits there are, what danger they pose for themselves or what they are doing daily. Cameras can only show so much.